source of jubilation incessant

in the middle of the aries cluster of stars

one day in history standing out above all others

we who look back can see the alignment of this glittery gathering with jupiter

combined with a lunar eclipse

this was the glowing sight followed by wise astrologers

seeking the king destined to bring salvation to mankind

all who find HIm residing in their hearts

will experience the transformation of their spirits eyes once blind gaining second sight

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woke up smiling

pull those worms out of my brain

the ones that drive me barmy

theres an army of them

fill my soul with joy unrestrained

i refute the liars who say my jubilation reeks of disdain

cos i know the one who snaps chains around hearts

who gives me a freedom and peace that never departs

no matter how life smarts

theres a world beyond my ruins and wounds

nows the time to rebuild and heal each others bruised souls

See the source image

byroad broadcasts

im petrified of pushing the wrong buttons

dressing lambs like mutton in your mind

stay sanctified

disregard the scourgings snare tempting your walk to cease , hampering your spirits effectiveness

would you bleed for love or intercede for those who feed upon hate consumed by its dark swallowing energy , forbidding sanctuary

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distinguishment

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when i fail to recognize your voice cos it seems the longest time since ive bothered to listen

i place my feet in the teeth of a hungry dragon

tis only when you intend to use me to pull souls from his jaws i should initiate nearness to those hideous fangs

amidst the clang of cries for justice let our love for you ring loud

standing tall and proud boasting of how you accomplished forgiveness for us with bloodshed

some mothers do have them ( kids who feel more loving towards them than resentful )

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joshuas original name was hoshea which means salvation .

moses gave him the new name joshua which means Jehovah is generous or Jehovah saves .

you could say that in getting this new name God was showing joshua the explanation for how His salvation manifests itself both in our daily lives and specifically for that time in the life of joshua .

God called him to be a leader of his people .

even after God was done talking with moses when joshua was his protegee he used to stay in the tent where moses met with God and listen to HIm speak or just soak up HIs glorious presence .

perhaps moses was too keen to move on and spread Gods messages instead of lingering in HIs presence .

perhaps joshua didnt need to stay as long as he did or maybe he needed to stay for longer cos he was still a greenhorn and still learning the ways of God .

he wasnt yet in a place where he was ready to lead his people .

Gods generosity was revealed to joshua in the way He provided for HIs people when they were wandering around in the desert for forty years .

He protected them from enemies guided them with holy light and preserved their health with food from heaven .

it was my previous understanding that the israelites wandered round in circles for forty years straight but this wasnt exactly true .

after wandering around for thirty eight years a sufficient number of soldiers had died from the generation that had brought a curse upon themselves and prevented themselves from entering into the land of milk and honey .

it was necessary for these soldiers to die both so that the israelites wouldnt be tempted to fight the moabites and the descendants of esau because it was Gods plan that they should run the lands they inhabited and also so that when they did have to face conflict with kings who would not be generous spirited enough to let them pass through their land without causing them harm even after they offered them money they would know that it wasnt their strength that brought them victory but solely the power of God .

its possible that God got maD AT david for taking a census for counting the number of levites .

God wasnt angry with moses when he numbered the amount of people under his tutelage .

the difference between these two head counts was moses left out the priests .

it is interesting that moses’s name means out of the water .

although he wasnt fully immersed in a sense he was being baptized in the river nile .

today in church pastor nina elmendorp taught us about his mother jochebed .

you can find this story in the first chapter of exodus .

later in numbers we read about the brave daughters of zelophehad who risked punishment by approaching moses with a request to change the law on their behalf cos their dad was born without sons so if they got married under the old law their inheritance would pass onto another tribe as there were no men unattached to their family who could help them pass on the family name .

moses permitted them to marry their nephews .

they were not allowed to be married off to any other tribe and God made it a law that in future if the situation occurred where a man has only daughters and no sons his daughters will be forbidden to be married off into another tribe .

one of these daughters was named noah .

its interesting that God chose two noahs one a male and another a female to bring deliverance and to work out a major problem that would affect the futures of those around them .

if you are in london you may receive benefit from reaching out to the good people who work at the coptic city mission .

an old man was wandering the streets .

he had a dog and not much else .

the coptic christians took him in and gave him colouring pencils and paper.

they encouraged him to use his art and fed his belly .

previously he thought he wouldnt amount to anything cos he was sure there was nothing he was capable of achieving .

he had experienced rejection before .

he knew what it was like to feel pain but now he is able to taste the joy of the Lord .

it touched his heart that while many christians talk about showing love these coptic christians came to his aid and demonstrated practically that they care through their actions .

we need to show love to God both through our words and our actions .

i learned today from songs of praise that coptic means egyptian .

i got to see some beautiful iconography that inspired my soul .

what spoke to me more than the images themselves lovely though they were was the explanation given by the artist that the halos in his paintings representing the fire of the Holy Spirit resting on people .

it is only because of God that anyone is ever able to see God or goodness in us .

God is our creator and if we believe in HIm and HIs son dwells in our hearts He is also our father in heaven .

some erroneously believe we are all Gods children but this isnt true because all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God .

we are born into sin which makes us satans children which is why we have to ask God for forgiveness for our sins and receive our adoption papers into HIs kingdom by being washed in the soul cleansing crimson tide of HIs precious blood .

i learned that the coptic egyptian church chooses their popes by engaging in a month long decision making process whittling down prospective leaders until they get down to two likely candidates .

when the moment of truth arrives a little child is blindfolded and they pick a name which is to be the chosen leader .

the orthodox church has one branch known as the oriental church .

there is an orthodox church in hertfordshire .

the orthodox church was founded when Jesus’s disciple mark hopped in his boat and sailed upon the ocean blue to teach the coptics about Jesus .

today our campus pastor helen elder spoke about the valley of elah in her communion message .

she told us how the stones were shaped by the rain and the movement of the water rippling along the stream as it rushed over their surface .

often tools are shaped by human hands but the tools that david used to defeat goliath were shaped solely by the hands of God .

it is often at our most humble and when we are the most dependent on God that He can use us in the most tremendous way .

God guided davids stone to kill a lion and a bear .

he came into the battle against goliath with complete confidence that he would win .

meanwhile his elder brothers were shaking in their boots .

their knees were knocking together in terror at the prospects of encountering their mighty foe .

a facetious observer might conclude that the cheese david brought to the battlefield had magic powers  which enabled him to beat the enemy but we never hear of david eating the cheese .

for all we know the cheese could have had the opposite affect .

it might have made him slow and sluggish.

we know dairy products are good for those who have problems sleeping .

the heavy armor king saul provided for david was too cumbersome to assist his movement yet alone to destroy his peoples nemesis .

because david was stripped of nothing but the bare essentials he had no choice but to rely on God cos He know it was only the power of God that could aim a single stone straight into the forehead of his enemy not his skill alone .

none of us can do anything without Gods help .

i just found out that the jazz artist katie melua has a greek background .

i heard her singing a beautiful song about Jesus saving us on songs of praise .

i know i shouldnt be fearful of going back to church and encountering people i know will want to give me hard vice like handshakes or who might touch my shoulders and call me handsome when i dont appreciate their words .

i do suspect them of wrongdoing but i have no proof .

God tells me to walk in love and face the giant like opponents i may encounter in my life.

often i can be ruled by fear instead of by faith .

the israelites promised moses they wouldnt get involved in idol worship once theyd crossed over the jordan but they were telling porky pies or they found themselves unable to deliver on their good intentions .

i doubt i would do any better than them if i was in their sandals .

i certainly would shy away from all the bloody battles they fought .

i prefer to fight with my mouth rather than my fists .

if God wanted to He could have gotten the angels to fight all their battles for them but He chose to use them to display HIs glory .

He is gracious in the way He allows us to be used by HIm when He has no actual need for us.

we are the ones in constant need of HIm .

we must worship HIm in order to avoid a future in chains in the abode of eternal punishment .

its sad that the israelis got carried away prisoner to foreign nations and became their slaves .

praise God that despite the genocide the jews have faced and despite the disobedience of some of them God still saw fit to permit them to return to the land He chose for them to display HIs creative power in the realm of cultivation prosperity and technological advancement .

its Gods mercy being evidenced to us in the way He writes HIs law to allow for cities to be built where a man can run for safety if he has accidentally killed someone with a wooden or metal tool or caused them to leave this world in some other way without meaning to be the trigger for it .

you could understand why any family would be baying for the blood of an individual who had robbed them of a husband a father an uncle a cousin a nephew or a grandson .

it would have been easy for the tribes that already won territory before the crossing of the jordan to just say forget you guys we have our land why would we want to help you fight your battles but they selflessly chose to put their plans for territorial expansion on ice while they assisted their brothers and sisters in killing the occupants of the lands they were to dwell in before they returned to claim their brand new homes .

there are days when we walk with our feet and others where we simply allow our tongues to grow feet and go on journeys in our minds taking others on a trip with us with our stories and allow our ears to sprout little legs when they share their hearts and adventures with us through the recollection of their precious memories which become like pearls stored in the safe of our hearts .

i love the humor of the egyptian midwives who said the hebrew babies were born too fast for them to kill them .

i thank God that baby murdering techniques had not developed in those days to its current advancement to speedy butchering which does no less damage to the woman undergoing the procedure that results in the murder of an innocent than it did in the past there is just more sterilization involved and double speak about the sanctity of life .

we always have to convince our friend irene to eat more cakes than shes willing to swallow when she comes over .

there is no way we will ever persuade her to partake of mothers candy melon ( sometimes called rockmelon ) .

she is still enjoying her teabags even though she left them at our place cos she doesnt like them as much as we do .

tea helps us sleep .

you may find assistance from the ones twinings produce specifically for the purpose of assisting a speedy route to slumber for those who imbibe in it .

can you imagine being in JOshua’s shoes and having an encounter with the preincarnate Christ ?

that will never be something we experience cos He will always b post incarnate for us.

this is something my bud etienne faced .

he used to be a gangster living on the streets of south africa til God showed up and completely altered his life .

today brian houston was talking about the awkward greetings he has had with people in the past .

he had never seen his durban campus pastor before .

when he went to greet her he tried to kiss her on the cheek and ended up spitting on her.

i only ever deliberately spat on someone once in my life after they gave me an arm burn by twisting their fingers around my arm .

i still regret it to this day .

it was done by an otherwise friendly dude who is double jointed and unexpectedly turned out to be the guy who didnt marry his best friend who joined nuptials with somebody else .

she said she would never be an accountant guess who joined their dads business after leaving school ?

its funny the way life twists and turns sometimes in ways we dont anticipate and in manners in which we do.

i had trouble explaining youth with a mission to them in ways that didnt sound like a cult.

when the guy who twisted my arm was at school he had a bet going with the accountants daughter .

she was going to see how long she could survive without chocolate and he was trying to avoid his slave master coca cola .

i think she caved within a week .

he was tall and she was short.

both he and the man she married had freckles but he was more of a ginger ninja .

he made up this imaginary character named smee .

i dont know if he had heard of the character in peter pan named smee who worked on a pirate ship .

a poor chinese boy at school was teased mercilessly for his pronunciation of certain words.

some dastardly fellows in my grade forced him to say phrases that would cause him to swear unwittingly.

i knew a youth pastor and sports chaplain who found humour in the fact some samoans swore and asked them to teach him all the cusswords they could think of .

this is a guy who told me off when i fell under the power of God and lay on the carpet in the middle of church when God pinned me to the floor .

some people shouldnt be pastors.

they are better off taking jobs which dont involve any opportunity to damage young minds or induce perversion within them .

his wife ran a baby products company .

they produced tiny headgear for little ones.

he had a friend from germany who put him to shame with his passion for God.

when they went through the drive through together he offloaded a whole bunch of information about Jesus in pamphlet form on the people who cooked their burgers for them.

i was hoping to meet this passionate young pastor this year but God chose not to give me the opportunity  either cos He faced satanic opposition to the passion play in oberammagau going ahead or He just wanted me at home with my folks so i could reach a place in my spirit where i no longer found it necessary to scream whenever i feel frustrated .

i never got to take part in the challenge at church to eat a hot chili burger .

i love my chipotle sauce .

i recommend levi roots reggae reggae sauce .

you can get a fruity habanero version or one that is like swallowing pure fire like a saucy version of vindaloo curry compacted into a bottle .

i regret not taking the opportunity to buy jerk chicken sauce from local producers when i had the chance .

sadly my favorite coffee shop now charges more than two dollars a cup for a fresh cream and ice cream filled ice coffee but its worth paying a few dollars more for quality service and a bright beaming smile from cody .

i just found out recently she lives in petrie .

i always used to enjoy the stamp and coin collection stall at their markets as well as their ginger beer and those found at the dayboro markets .

some say it will be hard for the united kingdom to return back to the way it used to be.

i hope this isnt the case also for the land down under .

people say life will be difficult but their naysaying is no match for the side effects of a praying heart determined to focus on God and put chiefly HIm then others above self .

God doesnt need our obedience to work a miracle or boost the economy but He does require it for our entrance into heaven .

its easy to assume people are rude if we dont take the time to find out what they have experienced in life.

some people have difficulty relating to others cos every time they offer their heart to someone they get treated like garbage or the only people who want to give their heart to them belong to somebody else so in truth they were never prepared to be committed to them they only wanted to use and abuse them.

there are some who see in another the best possible future but they are too hesitant about what they are leaving behind to ever take the plunge and experience that glorious life awaiting them on the other side of their decision to leap before looking .

many an area of the world has been left unexplored because of fear .

there are still tribes and individuals in civilized countries like kenya and south sudan which havent yet encountered the gospel who are waiting for you to be the face and brave heart that introduces them to Jesus .

seize the wonder of each moment and allow it to make your jaws drop in amazement at our mysterious and seriously stupendous God .

selah

xo ❤

if you have no other reason to be grateful remember God just gave you one more breath

 

when the name i called you bears absolutely no resemblance to your actual factual one it makes perfect sense that i will never be considered your forever love

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today i was reading numbers 24 .

verses 17 and 18 seem to speak to me of Christs victory over satan .

it talks about a star coming out of jacob and a sceptre rising out of israel .

both this star and sceptre are said to crush the forehead of moab and break down the sons of sheth .

verse 18 speaks of one from jacob exercising dominion and destroying the survivors of cities

when scripture talks of Jesus destroying it means He permits destruction not that He enacts it .

we know that in the end Christ shall reign on the earth and He shall have victory over all the evil forces and individuals that come against HIm and attempt to exalt themselves above them.

those who humble themselves will be exalted and those who exalt themselves will be humbled .

i want to speak to you about a humbling experience i have had .

please dont make the same mistake i did.

when you love a woman please dont criticize her in public.

also think twice before  you slag her off in private .

in expressing critical thoughts we must be careful not to condemn and dismiss all potential for redemption in others.

there are hills worth dying on and battles worth fighting and others causes which dont benefit anyone by getting involved in them .

i got a response to a friend request i sent to a woman who had blocked me on social media .

her reply was gracious to a certain degree but it also contained an unwillingness to make true peace .

if we only love with conditions or strings attached to our affection we cannot  truly say we are exercising the holy kind of tenderness or loving in the truest essence of what love is .

i understand fully her reasons for not wanting to have anything to do with me and for only being civil and polite and attempting to control me by demanding my interactions with her be limited to offline ones only but as a fellow believer in Jesus she is supposed to walk in forgiveness just as Christ did when He subjected HIs arms and feet to be nailed to a beam for the sake of our redemption .

i am sure most of you wouldnt bother to hold their head in a fixed position to turn it in one direction and then force yourself not to move it but if you are considering doing so be warned it will cause your throat to be damaged so that you will only be able to swallow liquids not solids cos there will only be a tiny opening left in your throat as a result .

i may not agree with the way a woman is interpreting a song but i need to learn to keep my lips zipped and lock my opinion up behind them because it does neither of us any good for me to potentially make her feel horrible simply for choosing to show love to an artist by paying homage to them via what she recognizes as being the only form of a song she knows when she is unfamiliar with the original version and how it has been altered over time .

changes arent always bad but if you take away from a songs original meaning or dont express the entirety of the songs message just because you think its controversial and its controversy doesnt break the heart of God through blasphemy or inappropriate language then its erroneous thinking to mutate what never needed altering .

often i find myself being attacked by armies of wickedness when im in a low place in my spirit .

the pleasure the devil offers me ostensibly to take away my horrible feelings only cause me to feel worse cos i know i have upset my savior and creator with my sinful attitudes and compromising stances .

i go from a place where i dont want to have anything to do with any picture that suggests a hint of cleavage or the revelation of thighs to just mindlessly hearting pictures i know wreak havoc to my soul .

i dont want to cause my father to stumble by the pictures he catches me looking at on my computer when he walks behind me on his way to pick up some food off the kitchen counter .

he was eating raspberries last night when a most disgusting sight appeared before his eyes.

a black feather lay spreadeagled across his berries .

the offending berries were immediately rejected by my father which i then proceeded to eat .

i figured if i pray over my food i dont need to worry about it making me sick .

if i die i go to heaven so it doesnt matter if i get sick anyway .

just lately ive been going for walks with at least one member of my family every day.

i praise God for friends who have been used by God to keep me on the straight and narrow path .

i know if i had been paying attention to their messages i might not have stuck myself in a spiritual pickle this morning .

i know that christians shouldnt talk about any body parts that extend below  the neck and in the case of those that are above the neck they should be cautious to make sure that they do not discuss the tangling of one tongue around another unless they are having discussions with their spouse or prospective fiance and such a topic is not the dominating trajectory of almost every conversation you have with them.

i know if i spend too much time looking at softcore pornography it makes it difficult for me to engage with women and see them as characters and personalities instead of sex objects .

i have never understood why some women like men pretending to choke them or why they like being dominated whipped spanked and prevented from moving by them .

i dont get why any guy would find this attractive either .

i know i should have been sensible and avoided talking to my friend about the meaninglessness of saying you have regards for someone when you want to pretend they dont exist or prevent them from contacting you every time you turn on the computer .

its stupid to block the ability of potentially wonderful friends from adding you and knowing when you are available to chill with them online simply because of one klutz who you were once fond of in the most platonic of senses .

we dont know when we might be preventing God from using the connections in our lives for HIs glory because of our stubbornness .

im amazed at how some people think they are in a good place with God when they have hearts that are full of bitterness .

you cant say you love God if you hate your president sultan emir king queen or prime minister .

you  cant say you love God if you hate people of a particular ethnicity or those who identify themselves with a sexual preference that He disapproves of .

the sneaky thing about sin is the more we indulge in it the easier it becomes to make excuses for it .

those sins we once thought we would never condone in others suddenly become ones we consider looking the other way about cos we know that we ourselves have fallen short of the glory of God and we are so consumed by the fire of our own despicableness that we fail to see how God is able to use us in the midst of our struggle and how despite our mess He still wants to use us to point others in the right direction .

i received a compliment on my knowledge of religion .

as much as i appreciate that kind phrase i know i have so much to learn and so far to go before i am a true reflection of who God made me to be and before i am genuinely living out HIs destiny for my life in as authentic a way as possible .

some will go from the cradle to the grave believing all religions are the same .

even if we have told these people a million times before that Jesus is the only way to heaven we still need to say it a million more times because we never know when the truth will trickle through from their heads and drop in their hearts and they will awaken to the epiphany that Jesus is Lord and He is our only hope .

for some people the biggest challenge is believing God is real .

some may deny God is real but beneath the surface they know what they say isnt true and He most definitely is.

some of them have daddy or mummy issues .

the way we are treated by our fathers and mothers  reflects the way we perceive God .

it can be said that we choose partners that are similar to our parents whether we intend to or not .

we may reject the church as an institution but we still believe in Jesus Christ .

we must be careful both in rejecting Jesus cos of the sins of HIs body the church and in choosing the equally ridiculous and misguided path some follow of rejecting the church but maintaining intimacy with the head of her body Christ .

as christians we are all threaded together in the body of Christ .

if one part of the body is sick the whole of the body is sick .

we all suffer together and we all rejoice together .

i pray for those churches and religious para church institutions in the united states of america that are under fire from atheists right now who are trying to use this global covid situation to turn the world against believers in Jesus .

some are trying to use the fact that hillsong was criminally negligent and somehow involved in the events which occurred on the cruise ship ruby princess where people spread sickness to turn eyes of animosity towards the church .

these same people would be the first to say that the salvation army or red cross or the blue nurses or rosies street teams are doing amazing things or the red frog people supplied by allens lollies are champions who deserve to be given their weight in gold .

some people only attack the church cos God is speaking to them through the sermons and songs and dances and art of the church and through its charitable donations its schools the hospitals it founded and the universities it formed and working HIs conviction on their hearts .

the devils that plague them are urging them to resist this conviction and take part in open warfare against it .

i often thought the devil was trying to break my neck when he causes my head to twist violently in one direction or another .

we are only a threat to the enemy if we engage in relentless opposition against him .

it is hard to understand the will of God .

my bud missy was talking to me about how sometimes God is obvious in the way He reveals HImself and His truth to us .

quite often we ignore what is plain as day and the noses stuck to our faces .

praise God vice president mike pence is doing his part to help out the churches in virginia .

virgina has faced lots of suffering after they dealt with a massacre at virginia tech .

i have a bud who studied there .

some massacres could have been prevented if those who committed them were treated in a more loving way .

one guy shot up people at a youth with a mission base after he asked for a bed for the night and he refused .

i am not saying his actions were justifiable just that there is a root behind every deplorable action .

sometimes there are things we can do to prevent evil from occurring .

perhaps if we try to be a little more understanding  towards people they wont turn out to be so monstrous .

in the case of the columbine high school massacre there were christians cassie and rachel who reached out and showed love to the two boys who were fans of bowling and marilyn manson .

it wasnt the christians that were rejecting them but the devil compelled them to worship him by taking their hatred which they felt towards others out on the christians .

its interesting that they chose to target an african american as well .

perhaps this dude was the subject of their aggression because of all the african americans and those of african or caribbean or west indian ancestry out there who self identify as christian who comprise the majority of the worlds christian population .

it is wonderful to see how in developing countries where people have next to nothing there can often be found a great love for Christ .

this naturally is made evident in warm hearted smiles and hospitable behaviour towards strangers and even in the forgiveness towards enemies displayed by christians in nigeria after many christians were killed by muslims .

a vast amount of people in europe are being killed for their faith in Christ .

often the facts dont  get reported because of the medias unwillingness to say anything negative about muslims and also because there is prejudice that exists against muslims so sometimes a christian might be killed by an anarchist and sometimes they might be killed by a muslim and often the facts dont get shared because someone might be prejudiced for or against muslims or anarchists or atheists who want to destroy the social order and replace it with a communist state or some hodge podge political creation of their own demented minds .

i thought the only book that hindus wrote was the mahabharata but apparently vishnu has a book dedicated to his demonic self too as well as the other demons they worship deliberately pretending they are gods or doing so out of ignorance .

numbers tells me that there is punishment by God for sinning out of ignorance that is why i must pray to cover those sins which i commit without knowing im committing them as well as the ones i know full well i have participated in .

often i criticize others for cussing or substitute swearing .

its better to use a substitute word instead of a swear word but penn and teller are right in standing in agreement with my friend sandy when she said that to say a substitute word for a swear has the same heart intent as if you  say it out loud .

its better to keep that word shut up in your head where no human eye can see it and where no ears can snatch it and incorporate it into their own vocal or written output or psychic realm .

its more important for christians to stay away from soft or hardcore pornography or violent horrific movies full of monstrous villains which give glory to the devil than it is for them to pay attention to whether their stomachs are as big as a mansion or as small as a matchbox .

it is our spiritual condition that matters more than our physical one .

we can be morbidly obese and still be used by God to advance HIs kingdom .

He does want us to eat healthy .

diet and exercise are important but not the main thing we should be concerned about as believers .

there are christian filmmakers who have tackled horror themes and managed to bring the light out into our dark world .

some christians think its ok to swear in their movies to show context but there are ways we can express dissastisfaction or approval without taking the Lords name in vain or using dirty words .

it is a challenge for christian filmakers to express conflict in a realistic way without straying into the shadows and being absorbed by the world around us due to the urging of their contemporaries to be relevant and to maintain audience appeal .

if you talk to audience members in a cinema of any religious or so called non religious persuasion ( cos not having a religion is a religion in itself ) you will often find there is a longing within viewers for a presentation of the world that isnt dark and gloomy where suicide isnt glorified where people arent constantly being bombarded with cross dressers and homosexuals where people are loving to each other instead of hateful where people can make us laugh without showing portraying cruelty to others where every other word you hear out of somebodys mouth isnt a cuss word where mums and dads are respected instead of denigrated where husbands and wives are celebrated instead of mocked where kids are portrayed as intelligent instead of lazy and dimwitted where young couples arent always hopping in and out of bed with each other where superheroes dont nurture a secret dark side where righteousness prevails and corruption isnt displayed as a virtue for the earth to consume .

there are some in the minority who want to control what we see and hear who only want us to celebrate evil instead of speaking the truth about it but the majority of people welcome and champion the values of coexistence and desire to live in a world which is a reflection of heaven on earth .

parents these days are throwing their hands up in the air in despair .

they want  their kids teachers  to drill manners into them but some of them have never exercised restraint when planting the fruit of their lips and fingers in others eyes and ears at home or within the context of their family unit .

some want to change the world but they find themselves being more altered by their circumstances and surroundings than they are actively awakening righteousness within them .

it bothers me that cafe and restaurant owners arent seen as essential workers or that sitting and eating isnt seen as essential when doing so has a therapeutic effect on people .

many a fine book has been written in a starbucks .

careers have been begun and major financial deals made in the comfort of a cosy greasy spoon joint .

we should (as jefferson bethke does in his book to hell with the hustle ) take pity on those waitresses and waiters who are forced to subject themselves to a greater decibel level of sound on their average work hour or day than is recommended for most people to endure without protection .

its crazy how construction workers unions take more care of them in this regard than the hospitality industry does .

some people are fighting the wrong battles .

they are more consumed with making a certain amount of dollars or pounds per hour than they are about the emotional welfare or health implications of their work environment .

i do not believe in tipping and will never do so by choice until the day i die but i will gladly give presents to just about anyone .

i might be more reluctant to do so if someone slaps my mother in the face or tries to exploit my family or steals my girlfriend .

a former bully bought me a sub once but i never had the opportunity to repay his kindness and reversal in nature with anything other than a smile .

he was working at one of those places that exploits poor people by taking food bought from another group that exploits the supermarket industry by taking the food they are given for free and reselling it to community groups .

some of these groups in turn call themselves charities but essentially are just food stores which sell in bulk .

others like el shaddai ( down the road from us )run by margate baptist church and located on its premises have a different kind of heart .

it warms the heart to see people volunteering to help give food to the hungry during this time of global crisis created mostly by fearmongering and pointless regulations .

soon we will be able to sit and eat in restaurants again .

it wont be long before we can return to physical church .

its hard to take church as seriously when you are not physically in church .

its tricky not to treat it like just another t v show you watch then forget about .

we should never treat God like that though .

we should never be casual in our approach to HIm .

we should always regard HIm with holiness and reverence .

we fear HIs power knowing He can permit our destruction and revel in HIs awesome creative ability which never ceases to fill our eyes with wonder .

i praise God for HIs grace to me despite my blunders .

i know i am far from a perfect christian but i continually in the process of being perfected by Christ .

every day gives me the opportunity to see with a grander view and live a brand new life

often i am consumed by worry or sinful ideas when instead my thoughts should constantly be flooded with love for my  creator and savior out of gratitude for HIs sacrifice not just when we honour HIm for HIs death on the cross once a year or when we rejoice at HIs arrival on the planet towards the years end but every day .

each morning offers fresh reasons to rejoice in the beauty and splendour of our God who is with us in every season of our soul

selah

 

 

some who walk around with eyes wide open have them shut to what is most crucial for them to view aka the realm of the spirit

A man found himself in a place in life where he didn’t want to go to church .

Perhaps there was a point in time where he owned a bible but somewhere along the way he had gotten separated from it and he never bothered to replace it.

Even though he was battling without his sword the word of God never left him.

It was written on his heart .

After God persistently reminding him for five solid years to go to His house and fellowship with other believers he finally decided to heed the call today.

God has placed a burning desire in his heart to share His word with the world .

Has He done the same for you?

It is true that Christianity can function in isolation from other believers but it helps you be strong if you have other brothers and sisters in Christ and spiritual fathers and mothers to help you stay on the straight and narrow path and keep you from slipping up.

One sword is sharpened by iron being roughly pressed against another piece of iron .

It is never sharpened solely by itself.

What does that tell you?

If swords need each other to stay sharp then what about us as humans ?

I think we also share this need to be encouraged to feed upon the bread of life and apply His word to our daily experience .

I was convicted by God today when I missed an opportunity to demonstrate His heart .

My mother asked me to help her make a dessert treat called an apple slice .

I just told her no.

By refusing to serve her I shot in the foot a chance to show love to both my mother and Christ .

It is in doing kind deeds for others that we worship Him .

Conversely it is in choosing selfishness over selflessness that we worship the enemy .

I was bawling my eyes out over what is happening around the world with people being prevented from living their normal lives losing their jobs and wrestling with mental health issues because of covid nineteen .

I lied to my mother when she asked me why I was crying.

She asked if I was crying because of Jesus dying for our redemption .

I said that was why and as I began to say that was the reason my heart was full of love for my father in heaven and I felt like bursting in gratitude for our precious saviour and how He sacrificed Himself to make it possible for our souls to obtain freedom .

We need to focus on what we are able to do rather than what we are prevented from doing .

We need to focus on what we have been blessed with instead of focussing on what we don’t have or on what we are missing out on .

The words of blogger constance troutman otherwise known as truth and fire ( verite  et le feu in french ) brought me hope .

It was not her words per se but she reminded me of words spoken in the bible , that well known phrase that reminds us that when Jesus returns in a cloud of glory and the dead in Christ rise from their graves to meet Him in the air that people will be given away in marriage .

Currently under the rules for covid that are being applied to most of our world except for south  America and japan tell us that we are not allowed to have marriage ceremonies .

This quote by constance gave me comfort cos it reminded me that things will return to normal again and this horrible situation the world is living in right now need not be the new normal but only a temporal situation .

Often I have to fight to keep myself from speaking in a way that may not utilize cussing or blasphemy but its still considered rude cos I talk obnoxiously to dad instead of treating him with respect .

I wrestle with fear over whether my actions or words are going to have diabolical repercussions both in the present when I provoke reactions within my parents through sounds I make that are beyond my control and in a more permanent crucial sense when my rebellious heart attitude imposes danger to the future destination of my mortal soul .

I have never been the kind of person that is into big crowds or someone that likes having long discussions with most people except for a few select individuals that are dear to my heart and mean the world to me but just lately I have been craving the roars of the mob conforming to a command from onstage to jump up and down or cheer in response to their pleading lungs .

I wasn’t into hugs by people outside the circle of my family and those friends or women I have loved over the years who have endeared themselves to me through the kindness of their spirits but just lately ive been so desperate for physical demonstrations of familiarity its bordering on the ridiculous .

If you think you are doing the world a favour by being cold and unfeeling and giving people air hugs instead of physical hugs you are only lying to yourself .

Don’t give yourself pats on the back for being a hero cos you are contributing to the worlds worsening not its betterment .

The right way to think isn’t always the most popular one .

It took a small group of individuals thinking against the tide of the crowds opinion in order to make slavery or man stealing illegal in most countries .

As far as im concerned its worth it to get sick and die if you leave this world expressing love to someone rather than to leave it as one who participates in its gradual frosting over or icy state of being .

Selah

forgetting you is no easy task unlike getting you off my tail trail

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another commission drawn for one of the backers of my (now closed) artbook kickstarter campaign! this one’s for Talia, who wanted a character with lots of references to the leo zodiac sign.

part of me wants you back and part of me knows im better off without you

i cant believe it took me as long as it did to figure out that all i need to do to change the background on my email inbox ( the one that comes internally built into my computer ) is hit browse . lol

as much as i want to get that picture back i know my soul is most definitely better off without it .

i kinda get why i lost a friend last night but maybe im wrong and the most frustrating thing is not knowing .

if it was something i did that made God proud then im not sorry i said what i said even though im sorry i lost them .

sure i dont always say whats on my mind in the most lovin way but i always aim to be truthful.

i rue allowing myself to be the pawn of the enemy in my private stream of consciousness ramblings .

if you ever see me contradicting this statement please know that my belief is to protect the life of the unborn and just born babies and to value them above relationships .

sometimes people who are in low places say stupid disgusting sadistic repellent things .

i hate it when i see a pretty lady at church and i dont have the opportunity to talk to her even if i possess the guts .

i know i shouldnt have embarrassed myself and annoyed her by talking during the sermon .

if i have any saving grace i will claim brownie points for the fact i didnt chat all the way through it .

theres one old guy i stay away from at church cos i fear he may secretly desire to grab young guys by their naughty bits on the sly or at least think about doing it but i cant prove anything .

there are young kids at church whose mother tells them to stay away from me probably cos she is manufacturing lies in her mind about me or maybe cos i never chatted to her for longer than a minute so we have no established basis for a friendship so she has no reason to be anything other than fearful around me even though she should know that im not a creeper by observing my movements .

i get that i may have given the wrong impression by talking to a young girl more than i did her brothers but thats just because her young brother is hard to understand and her elder one prefers to listen more than he talks .

mum and dad were afraid id brought a similar situation on myself before but it was simply a twenty something lady who i never or hardly ever talked to i just communicated my love for her through presents until her mom ratted me out to the pastor who told me to stop giving presents to young ladies but i didnt i just stopped giving it to her cos i knew who she was thanks to my dad snooping on my behalf making sure no young kids mums felt harassed by my behaviour .

i want my homie to prosper but he wilin out so i need to find someone to help him show the world the internal transformation God is stirring up in his spirit on the daily .

i thought i knew what was acceptable to reformed people but i guess im clueless.

some of them have different definitions about what christian liberty means .

i just wanna help my buds to thrive .

my writers group meeting got cancelled cos of the corona virus.

another meeting im supposed to attend tonight i have to forego cos my homie and carer got sick.

he doesnt work for me fulltime just one day a week and i dont need him to feed dress shower or wipe my poop just to take me into the city so we can sip coffees at all the coffee shops in my book which gives me the ability to obtain one free coffee at a variety of joints .

when i started out on this coffee journey i wasnt a single origin coffee addict but i am now .

the intensity of the flavour is what makes this type of coffee so addictive for me.

i always have it flat white and sugarless.

i have a coffee shop across the street from me but im hugging a grudge against them cos they said they would put my art on display and they lied through my teeth so i made life difficult for myself by yelling at the top of my lungs just outside their door theres cheaper coffee down the street or words to that effect .

i am always smarter in my head than i ever am outside its confines .

i like  c s lewis argument in mere christianity that Jesus is either liar lord or lunatic .

this argument known as the trilemma makes perfect sense to me but if someone is determined to rail against God and hate on HIm they will always find excuses to not believe in HIm so for some people evangelism seems like wasted breath although i know deep down its not cos we can plant seeds that can reap crops later when people are going through crises in their lives and even if they arent the ones who turn to HIm perhaps the truth that they have heard may leak out their mouth and fingers accidentally on purpose .

i say accidentally on purpose cos they do it accidentally but God consciously activates their conscience to bring about HIs purpose here on earth .

the basic premise of the well worn argument is this – Jesus cant be a good teacher if He was a liar so if you say He was a good teacher you have to agree with HIm when He said i and my father are one meaning God is HIm and He is God .

Jesus couldnt be a good teacher if He was a lunatic .

some say He was crazy to say He was God but those people may also say He was a good teacher so it doesnt stand to reason that He was a good teacher if He was crazy but we know He wasnt lying when He rose again from the grave proving HIs deity .

it is obvious to conclude that He must be Lord if He is not a liar or a lunatic .

this world only makes sense if God sent HIs son to die for us and redeem us from our sinfulness .

folks who work for the british broadcasting corporations radio division have concluded that pauls experiences and way of thinking only make sense if he really did have a road to damascus experience .

this implies that they may be suggesting that God did permit Him to be blinded and then give him back his vision after he saw the light and decided to follow Jesus instead of persecuting HIm or engaging in the equivalent of piercing arrows  through HIs heart by making life miserable and destroying the lives of HIs followers .

it brought joy to my heart learning from a professor from alphacrucis college that a quarter of britons consider themselves to be christians .

although there are some who cherry pick what they believe out of the old and new testament the majority of people who call themselves christians actually live like Christ and constitute a majority of our planets population .

it only makes sense that more peoples lives would be guided by angels than guided by demons cos there are more angels than demons out there so they wouldnt be able to impact everyone in the world to the same extent and with the same strength that Jesus team can .

i have to correct the disservice i did andy stanley by displaying nuance in my opposition to him to a greater degree than i did previously.

he saw a lecture by sam harris which convinced him to not preach from the old testament choosing instead to focus only on the resurrection of Christ .

although this is a foolhardy approach i do respect the fact that he still affirms that the whole of the word of God is inspired by God and correct in its thinking and its approach to navigating our universe .

however i disagree entirely with his methodology and see no merit in unhitching the old from the new testament or saying that we are wrong to use the entire bible as a basis for our outreach to the world .

there are plenty of people in the world who relate to the teachings of the bible .

very few people would condone stealing lying or cheating or beating on your husband or wife .

the bible tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church which was and is more than HIs own life cos He laid it down for the sake of our salvation .

if it wasnt for christians there would be no schools hospitals and universities in the world .

slavery would still be legalized across the globe if it wasnt for christians inspired by pauls teaching that in Christ there is neither jew nor greek slave nor free .

im disappointed that i didnt get to go to the passion play in oberammagau with my sister but im glad that i didnt have to obey her schedule and go visit her village when i had no interest in doing so just in checking out the germans interpretation of the life and death and glorious resurrection of our precious Lord and saviour .

mum is fit to travel but doesnt want to do so on her own and considers dad unfit for travel .

he isnt puking his guts up anymore like he was at christmas time he just has a lot of congestion which he needs to remove from his throat a s a p .

when a woman shows me love i want to give her money or chat her ears off.

this doesnt necessarily mean that we are made for each other or a match made in heaven but it could be a good sign from celestial realms that we are a good fit if she is supportive of what i do creatively and if we are both using our skills for the glory of God instead of joining those who oppose Him simply for imposing a standard on our lives moral wise for us to follow HIm into heaven and avoid burning in hell .

people get offended by Gods take on morality cos they want to be their own god.

why shouldnt the maker of morality be  the one who determines what it is and isnt.

a meeting of ice skaters was cancelled with only fifteen people planning to attend it.

its easy to mistake the sound of a whistling kettle for raindrops trickling on the heads of the bees birds and butterflies lurking outside .

i spied a bumble bee scooping nectar out the remnants of our passionfruit vine .

i praise God that He enabled us to cultivate this vine so we can benefit from its fruit and also so the flavouring of its fruit can help the humble honey bee which may hopefully give it back to us at some future point via a local honey supplier .

its killing me that i might have met the love of my life in israel but because she is seventeen years younger than me her parents wouldnt approve of our relationship.

maybe they would make an exception considering i got along with them so famously but what makes the situation sticky is the fact that shes my pastors niece .

for many thats like treading a highway through the danger zone but trust me readers it didnt stop me from trying to claim her heart in the most subtlest of ways .

i can take a hint though when a beautiful godly woman doesnt accept my friend request .

she comes from one of the most famous churches in australia second only in fame to hillsong .

you may not have heard of planet shakers but their church was formerly known as paradise and now its called influencers and they have a church plant in atlanta georgia which is known alternatively as gorgeous chocolate woman city and church city cos like adelaide both places are known as the cities of churches .

adelaide is also known for its quality wine .

my favorite will always be inheritance fruity red .

i heard they were in financial trouble but i still see it on the shelves at the local bottle shop .

i would relocate to adelaide for my hearts desire but i have to be realistic about the feelings she has for me versus those i have for her and not push her over the edge of sanity into crazy ville via my insistent begging for her attention .

i chickened out of giving her a love letter for the reason stated above that i dont want grief from my pastor added to that which i have already brought upon my head by my foolish actions and lack of patience .

craig david sings about women trouble and i can totally relate to him.

i recognize that most trouble i experience is caused by me and not by external factors .

it is merely my response to the world around me that causes me grief .

i praise God that my bud didnt bounce on me , the one who loves to cut hair.

i forgot that her facebook profile identity is the name of her business so i could never find her using just her christian name when i search which is why i was no good at putting other people in touch with her cos it wouldnt lead them anywhere .

i have to figure out if another hairdresser is christian or not .

i do care about that but more than someones faith when it comes to business i care about people being willing to work with me in order to achieve greatness .

i see the christian business mentality as being f u b u which african americans coined as an acronym for for us by us.

this relates to christians cos if we make an effort to see christian movies and listen to christian music and buy  christian publications use christian real estate agents when buying selling or renting a home and use christian builders plumbers and electricians we are helping to build our people and helping encourage people to run after Christ and walk worthy of the calling He has placed on our lives to serve HIm well .

as believers we are meant to build up the body of Christ .

im not saying let your house turn to  rot and ruin if its in desperate need of repair and there are no christian businesses available to help you and you lack the skills yourself im just saying if theres a christian available take advantage of that faith partnership and sibling connection you already share through the spilled blood of Christ shed for an undeserving world .

often as christians we forbid ourselves from connecting with other christians cos we disagree with their doctrinal positions but dont let a disagreement with someone on whether or not theyre a heretic or a minor spat over a relationship that went sour between the two of you prevent you from using a christian business .

as christians we are meant to be an example to the world of love and tolerance .

i dont think it is rich mullins view that everyone should sell their possessions and give them to the poor but you may interpret his words that way when he said that Jesus stressed both that we should be born again and that we should give all our possessions to the poor .

michael youssefs interpretation of this passage makes sense to me .

he said Jesus was simply telling the man to give up his possessions cos he knew that he was obsessed with his possessions .

He didnt want him to give up all his possessions he simply wanted to take possession of the rich young rulers heart .

He wanted  the rich young ruler to take possession of HIm.

what He wants for all of us is not our money per-say but to be number one on our list of priorities .

He can use our money for the sake of HIs glory .

more than tithes in a bucket He wants us to love on those who warm the pews alongside us as well as those out there in desperate need of truth who are afraid of coming to church cos they might be judged and treated like outcasts .

for too long some foolish  christians have assumed that if we get people to focus on how much Christ loves them it will convince them to change their ways in every circumstance but for plenty of people they are unwilling to recognize the fact that knowing God loves us and died for us should compel us to want to change our lives and want to do what is pleasing in HIs sight .

we cannot call ourselves HIs kids unless we allow HIm to change the desires of our heart and participate with HIs mortifying of our stinking fleshly natures .

it is only in consciously deciding to walk away from sinful patterns of behaviour that we are able to taste the glorious fruit of our saviour .

He uses the weak things to shame the wise and chooses the unmentionable parts of HIs body to reveal HIs glory to the world .

we dont know about the folks who are still working as strippers or prostitutes or who just came out of that lifestyle who are being used by God to shine HIs light in a dark world .

hear me right im not saying that God is okay with stripping and prostitution but He can use anyone for the sake of HIs glory and there is no life that He cant turn around if we are but willing to be changed by HIm and let HIm flip our futures for the better .

we should care less about making cheddar and improving our reputation than we do about expanding HIs kingdom .

if anyone who is reading this is seeking an employee and lives in north america contact my bud cameron walker through facebook .

if anyone wants to be interviewed on my bud roger hesters video blog holler at him through facebook or roger that on instagram .

if anyone wants their lives changed forever for the better look no further than the eyes of Christ burning with eternal love for you .

if you were the only human on this planet He still woulda picked you to fill the shoes of HIs glorious bride .

thank God the church isnt just one soul but a diverse expression of cultures .

we are not a diverse expression of religious beliefs cos to believe contrary to Christ is to dwell outside HIs body not be a part of it .

it isnt attending church that makes you a christian but being willing to surrender your life for the sake of Gods son who chose to dwell among us and live in us.

i want to counteract the foolish argument that if someone converts to Christ and then gives up on HIm that they were never a christian to begin with.

not all who wander are lost .

all we like sheep have gone astray but Christ can lead us back to HIs glorious shepherd self providing we are willing to work with HIm and tow the line instead of attempting to bite the hand that feeds us breath .

selah ❤

 

happy new decade and double number year

i want to talk about my experiences being used by God in the process of leading people to Jesus . the first time i said a prayer of salvation with a human so that they might receive HIm into their hearts as their personal saviour i was assisted by the skilled talk of my buddy joshua haas who was preaching about how he was bullied as a young school boy. in that moment i had the perfect set up. this guy was a school bully who was known for making life miserable for other kids at his international school in papua new guinea. all i had to do was guide him through the prayer. he was ripe for the picking. the second time i led someone to the Lord i had a zambian pastor helping me to get my words translated into whatever language it was that the woman spoke in the area of zambia i visited which had formerly been land owned by european african farmers before they fled the country after robert mugabe assumed power. this lady lived in a tiny shack. i recited scriptures contained in the gideons bible known as the roman road. i am not sure how much of what i said got through and how much of her decision to commit to Jesus was based on what my bud pastor charles lambalika said but i will chalk that up as a victory for Jesus . the third time occurred today. little jimmy had previously said sorry to Jesus for his sins but he had not yet committed his heart to him so i led him through a prayer where he acknowledged Jesus as Lord. i got him to say boss which i believe means the same thing to a small child just beginning primary school. before today he thought that sin was the devil. i corrected his theology. sin is caused by the devil but the devil is not sin. we can however blame the devil for sin because he is responsible for tempting adam and eve and helping them to stumble and cascade from a place of grace and favour with God which they previously inhabited in eden . i gave jimmy a double high five which i know was extreme cos i coulda just given him one like a normal person but nothing about me is usual . i told him the angels are having a party up in heaven now cos of him and im sure they are whooping it up right this minute . some day i hope to join their celebration as other souls come into the saving knowledge of Christ . i explained to jimmy that sin is like when i take something that belongs to him. i didnt talk to him about hell. perhaps i should have. he knows about the devil so im pretty sure he comprehends what hell is. maybe today counts as half a salvation cos he already had an understanding of sin but i reckon i did Jesus proud today. i know i would never have the right words to say if it wasnt for Him causing them to flow out of me like a river of euphoric joy and tranquility that can’t be explained only experienced. i was talking with my bud about selah today. i used to play ignorant to get pretty girls to talk more so i would have an excuse to get them to stick around my face. i dont do that anymore but i wish i had told my crush how much she impressed me with her ability to explain peoples emotional states of being and the fact that she comprehends the male experience so well even though shes never owned my genitals. maybe she has brothers. God only knows. there is a time and a season for everything under heaven. God makes everything beautiful in His time – ecclesiastics 3:11 . i should not stir up or awaken love until its time for it to get up from its current slumbering state of being. i didnt expect she would give me five minutes of her time. she was too busy to do so before. i was being superstitious and didnt tell my homie she was gonna come chat just in case i jinxed it and she didnt bother to hang with me even for the briefest of moments. i want to be able to get her to understand that there are godly and evil forms of aggression in males and females. she said she isnt like most girls who have difficulty expressing their anger. this isnt neccessarily a true statement but it is a statistic i have heard. i know statistics can be inaccurate. she talked about answering questions but i didnt actually ask one i just made a statement. i was quoting coolios gangstas paradise at her cos she quoted the verse in psalm 23 that talks about God leading david besides still waters restoring his soul . that reminded me of coolio rapping about walking through the valley of the shadow of death which is a phrase david also uses in the same psalm. i was scared i had come across as too abrasive before. my personality seems to be working for me. either that or she just had sympathy for me cos my dad has his neck in a brace. if its sympathy then ima milk it for all its worth. shes skilled at multitasking. she answered my buds question about the partial closure of e b games ( electronics boutique for the uninitiated ) while she was hunting down a scripture verse for my education. I praised God I had a bible handy to assist in prolonging our conversation beyond the briefest fraction of time. I wish she’d sat down with me but im blessed she chose to stand next to my table . shes a skilled preacher. she doesn’t do it very often though . I only know her first name. it frustrates me that I could have learned her last also but I acted like a dunderhead and neglected to write all the ladies with her first name in my diary so I could look them up later. im also attracted to another lady with the same name as her but more on her later … maybe 🙂 ❤

it frustrates me that my  brain refuses to remind me of everything she said in the little period of minutes she blocked out her busy schedule to assist my soul journey . she wears glasses and she has dark hair. shes like daria only cuter and more pleasant to be with also more godly. 🙂

selah

 

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why does gmail like to turn my pages blue without my permission?

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my computer has a notorious habit of turning itself off without warning regardless of whether I have it plugged in to keep its power from draining so I am always afraid to write something and come back to it later without making sure that it is saved just in  case it gets lost in the ether.

of course some may argue that some pieces of writing deserve to be destroyed.

I was once in a workshop where we were told to write something and then toss it away without showing it to anybody.

it was the most pointless exercise I have ever been a part of in my life but still preferable to the task of picking up autumn leaves in the compound of an educational facility where missionaries were permitted to dwell along with a few other odd bods who needed a place to shelter.

optus lied about the date of my credit expiry but i’m not going to fight them any more about it cos they gave me a prize of free art lessons which I decided to pass onto a little lady I love to spoil because they are designed for young ones not big ole me.

I scream when people tease me yet i’m addicted to doing things that cause people to give me mockery.

it’s almost as if i’m a glutton for punishment.

I seem to have self destructive tendencies when it comes to relationships.

there appears to be a wicked part of me that attempts to destroy any relationship I decide to enter into.

I know enough based on over thirty years of experience in relationships to know not what to do yet I can’t seem to find a woman who is willing to let me experiment on her with my feelings and emotions and test whether we can find a love and devotion that lasts beyond both our lifetimes.

sometimes my problem is i’m looking for a woman who is too young or one who lives  too far away from me.

this doesn’t have to be a problem if either one of us is willing to relocate but I need a chaperone to take me to her.

I am physically capable of travelling on my own but my parents control access to my passport.

they have access to my bank account and control my ability to obtain funds to some degree cos my mom transfers the money I receive from the government every fortnight from the accounts she looks after into three accounts.

one of these accounts has the biggest amount of money in it.

the other one has a smaller amount which is used for smaller purchases and there is another one which I have access too any time I like.

she set up this situation because I was giving money to a lady I liked in church.

this woman never went out with me.

we just attended the same dance party and she didn’t spend any time with me she just told me how to find it.

at that party a young Asian lady was grinding on me but she didn’t want to speak when I started saying hello to her.

when I was outside the party waiting for my folks I acted like a snob towards a kind hearted young lady just because her face was pale and or because she didn’t listen to hip hop or know who busta rhymes was.

I no longer see appreciation for busta rhymes as a deal breaker in relationships.

these days i’d more likely go for a woman who listens to Lecrae though I still prefer women with brown faces or ethnic backgrounds connected to Africa .

I no longer care if the woman I love despises hip hop although as I do want to be a rapper it would make it awkward to be romantically involved with someone who a) thinks your music is the soundtrack to satans kingdom or b) just can’t stand the sound of the style you love or b) acts like my snobby friend and calls rap artists rape artists just cos of a few bad eggs that make life harder for the rest of us rappers who don’t wanna be gangsters or pranksters and just wanna love God or make life a happy place with our music.

for the right woman I would give up hip hop and just be a painter.

if I found out she also hates my art I don’t know what I would do.

I would still love her but I would probably cry myself to sleep every night wishing a) we shared the same passions or b) she showed a little love for what I do even if she had no desire to follow in my footsteps or the footsteps of those who came before me who showed me the way to shine bright with their artistic prowess like jean michel Basquiat , blair linn and nina simone.

it is not always true that people don’t care what you know until they know that you care.

I used to believe that adage but then I thought to myself the other day I would still admire my bestie and want to know she’s alright even if she kept me at a distance and never bothered to say hi or even smile and wave in my direction back when we were in second grade and just getting to know each other.

although I agree with those who say that religion can be used to abuse people I do proceed with caution in nodding my head when they say that cos what they think is abuse can simply be the normal expression of Christianity.

what seems like insanity to the world makes sense to those who have allowed God to take possession of their hearts and transform their lives forever.

often as humans we are guilty of idolizing people or possessions.

I still have to reach a place where i’m able to be in a relationship with a woman without treating her like a replacement goddess.

I hate it when people say that God’s creation is His body.

that’s a lie from the pits of hell.

God doesn’t need us in order to work miracles all He requires is His ever present all powerful all knowing self.

without the presence of God in this universe it has neither existence nor wealth.

selah ❤