deflated birthday balloon doesnt reflect the enthusiasm it still inspires in my blessed heart <3 :)

See the source image

when you insult me i choose to be silent

at first

then i find fury rising up in me


if id addressed your rudeness would i still be booming after getting ticked to the same degree

God only knows the cause of my hostility

i have no ability to obtain deliverance

from my affliction prior to death sans in temporal intervals

thats when i ride the waves of joy filled oceans

plunged into times mist

copyright minus the cynic 2021 ❤ xoxoxo

never lose sight of the Son shining in around & through you :

when i was a young boy i would hit my sister and bite her.

i made her think she was locked out the house but she couldve gotten inside if she’d just used the one door i left capable of opening without the use of a key.

i made up my own language which i called suddish which involving intentionally slurring vowels.

i was inspired by an egg language my uncle taught me where the word egg is inserted between every vowel .

i used to make up my own fake version of espanol and attempt to sing la bamba at lunchtimes.

it took me years to learn it was a song about a captain .

i originally thought it contained the phrase squashed banana.

i swallowed a live ant for a dare as a kid.

i used to jump in mud to grab coins my schoolmates threw in it.

we used to have ruler fights and pretend to be ninjas.

once i followed the foolish crowd and stuck tadpoles down the backs of girls dresses at the part of their dress where the neckline is located.

my first public display of eccentricity was when i took several pairs of boxer shorts to school cos i wanted to show my friends my super mario boxers.

this wouldve been alright if i didnt essentially display them by doing a strip show.

i never intended to go all the way and display my privates for the world to see.

another time i attempted to take off my underpants copying a television character named mister bean who takes off his underpants without taking off his trousers.

when other people cut out pictures of ladies for collage in class i cut out babies.

on a trip from my state capital to our nations capital down south i made unusual sounds when i was sitting on the latrine.

i used to climb the stairs at our school with my feet and thighs folded in the lotus position.

i maneuvered my way up the stairs by grabbing onto rails which aligned them.

i had very sore knees by the time i was done.

in fifth grade i ran my fingers through a girls hair at school when we were watching a movie as a classroom activity.

i was obsessed with her and used to give her presents all the time.

her parents got involved and made her leave the school and forbade me to have anything to do with her.

i used to get nightmares about hell which disturbed my spirit.

its only when my dad prayed for me to receive salvation and baptized me in the swimming pool of a house we used to own that i felt calmness restored to my soul.

my neighbor convinced me it was a good idea to crucify a toad.

at the time i thought it was disturbing yet i still participated in his disgusting activity.

i definitely shouldnt have let him paint a pentagram on our concrete slab.

he used to read thor and ghost rider comics.

he was raised in a catholic home.

i dont know where his satanic influence came from.

i was diagnosed with autism in tenth grade.

the form of autism i had was then identified with behavior named after joseph aspergers.

it is a highly functioning form of autism.

it manifests differently in boys and girls.

it is often misdiagnosed as something else in women.

part of having autism means my long term memory is better than my short term memory.

this has caused lots of internal tears and externalized frustration for my friends family and i when i would be told information and shortly after forget what i was told.

like my exgirlfriend i used to liken myself to a goldfish until i learned that goldfish have exceptionally gifted memories.

my mental health has made it hard for me to demonstrate an ability to do simple tasks independently.

i need to have someone close by to show me how to do each step in a process.

i find it difficult to cook by myself or to execute complex tasks devoid of assistance.

sometimes ive felt like killing myself cos of the struggles autism has caused my relationships .

ive felt like its held me back from relationships .

its caused me to refrain from pursuing them , to self sabotage them by rushing in too quickly .

its caused me to switch from friendly to romantic way more fast than most women are comfortable with.

most of us autistic people tend to obsess over our favorite topics.

we will go on and on about them ad nauseum.

we will relate everything in life back to our passions perhaps assuming everyone shares them in the same addictive all consuming way we do even if they dont.

my autism may be the reason why i assumed my friend could handle swimming in the pool when he had only just started doing it.

i wasnt thinking through the lesson i had already been taught by observing dads friend who we identified as our uncle that some people grow up their whole lives petrified of water or water moving about freely at the mercy of the wind in the ocean and never get the hang of handling it.

my autism is probably why in primary school i invited lots of people to a pool party then dashed upstairs and spent the whole duration of the party playing with my presents instead of hanging out with the people who came to see me and presumably saw some value in my company ( or just wanted to use my pool ) .

ive always gotten along with people who were older or younger than me rarely those my own age.

my autism might be why i was stubborn and brought a book along to the bowling alley when i shouldve left it at school inspiring the teacher minding us to declare dont you ever defy me .

he was a poet and i admired his work though i despise the fact he punished my bff with a bad mark for writing more words on her essay than he had told her to.

its always bonkers to me when genius is punished instead of rewarded.

it was never explained to me why some people assume ( or one lady in specific did ) that autistic men are best matched with asian ladies.

i dated an asian lady and we got along like a house on fire.

the only things i did that annoyed her was talking all the way through the movies we went to in order to trigger our snuggling , how id introduce people to her as my girlfriend wherever we went , my tendency to lapse into silence cos i was fearful that any criticism of her would lead to the death of our relationship , the awkward way i related to her family barely managing to squeeze out any words to them , my unwillingness to try to learn to drive cos i was more interested in smooching her , the moment i spilled juice in her bag by leaving a loosely screwed bottle in it next to her phone which forced her to spend an hour plugging in all her contacts the fact id spend the whole time talking about how amazing she was when we would hang out in groups instead of talking about my own life the way i would look at her in church when the worship was on as if i was worshiping her instead of God ( in her way of seeing it ) my refusal to attend a catholic mass , the way i would constantly get her to talk about her childhood , my mustache ( which is why i shave now cos she wouldnt kiss me unless i removed all trace of it from my face whenever it made a reappearance ) .

my mental health has been affected by concussion ive experienced on irregular occasions over the past twenty years.

consequently i sometimes use one word when i mean another word , i swap words around in my head so i read them the wrong way around i sometimes slur my speech i might be less perceptive of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors than i used to be

i sometimes have an ache in my head like a metal blade is being pushed around inside it.

i used to habitually wear a red yellow and green beanie styled after the ethiopian flag in the heat of the noon day sun.

ive gone to work in jumpers and long trousers in the middle of the summer foolishly dripping with sweat and refusing to stop and take water when i knew my head was starting to swim and dizziness was overwhelming me.

i had my head banged against my homeys head when we refused to stop talking about Jesus to a guy who got mad at us and said he was satan.

this experience didnt stop my friend from getting married.

my mental health issue convinced me to follow a guy around our mission base until he told me it was giving him the creeps.

often i have experienced problems when gifts i have given ladies are perceived as being behaviour that should be forbidden instead of encouraged.

i have reacted to rejection in the past by burying my sadness inside myself .

often when trying to get someone to give to charity and having doors slammed in my face and people call the cops on me i have taken out my anger on the ones i love who brought me into this world instead of just screaming out my pain to God and letting Him take me to a pure honest better place .

i dont think being spanked at an early age has contributed to my anger issues.

i knew i was a liar and being punished for my deceit has motivated me to have a heart of integrity .

i have never felt resentment at my folks for that only gratitude for helping me become a better person.

sometime in the last fifteen years my body started spontaneously jerking about.

i first noticed my legs moving without my being aware of them.

i may have had a psychotic episode at church over which i possessed some subconscious level of control or i could have been flipped in the air forced to my knees and stretched out flat as a pancake by an unholy or the Holiest of Spirits .

im not sure which it was.

i have been told off for an experience i had where i was brought to my knees and laid flat on my back in church by a force beyond myself.

i have felt myself begin jumping in church when i had no desire within me to jump.

its hard to know how much the spirit realm is involved in our emotional triggers and our response or the degree of control we have over our reaction to any given stimuli.

i was only told by the doctor i have something similar to tourettes ( i still havent been diagnosed with it ) six years ago

i have felt torrettes operating in me causing me to rip pages in books i cherish , spit in them , toss them in the air and jerk about til my beanie is shaken off my head.

one consequence of having mental health issues has been the internal vow i have only just recently broken off myself of not initiating conversation with anyone at church ( which is usually where my social engagement takes place ) .

i have never been good at disagreeing with people.

when someone says something i dont like it makes me want to scream or harangue them until i feel i have succeeding in destroying their argument.

it takes a strength beyond myself coming from God to help me to be meek and not to lash out when the world irks me.

i hate being told what to do .

i hate being told how to think.

i hate being given lots of jobs at a time cos my brain struggles to remember more than one task at a time.

i used to hate being told to make certain brush strokes in art but i am slowly learning the value of it thanks to the gentle gracious approach of my art therapist .

i thank God that she and my occupational therapist ( who helps me cook once a fortnight ) rarely have the displeasure of hearing me scream.

i find it hard to avoid screaming when im told to prepare a meal before the official time of my meal preparation has begun.

it helped that last time my occupational therapist made a point of expressing her gratitude that her contribution to the task we were participating in was reduced by my prior slicing and peeling preceding her arrival.

music has been a lifesaver to me in helping me deal with the pain of being me .

i used to turn to pornography to deal with my anger but i thank God that is no longer the case.

He has given me a mentor named gregory madison who has assisted my growth simply by listening to my struggles.

it helps me be accountable to God and live a holy life knowing i have volunteered to compel myself to fill human ears with my disgusting thoughts and deeds.

my desire to avoid telling anyone of the muck i involve myself in helps motivate me to choose a cleaner path .

my hatred for witnessing women being abused and exploited in our world motivates me to avoid pornography cos most women in that industry are victims of abuse .

my ex psychologist helped me to be a less selfish human by encouraging me to help my mom out in the kitchen.

she wasnt happy that i have never been self motivated enough to make my breakfast and have a shower without being prompted nevertheless i praise God that i am now a boy who makes muesli for his family instead of being one who just takes like a locust and never gives.

chipping in with meal prep and making whole meals myself with instructions from my mom and support worker has brought happiness to our home by relieving mom of the burden weighing heavy on her shoulders of always being obligated by my slackness stubbornness and refusal to help to be ( for the most part ) the sole cook in our house as well as the sole carpet or tile vacuum operator .

the covid nineteen pandemic has severely tested my mental health.

there was a time when hearing the word mask mandate , lockdown or covid or corona would send me into palpitations and cause hatred and fear to erupt out my mouth in the form of bloodcurdling screams which annoy upset shock and terrify my family.

it was never my ambition in life to be a terrorist only to imitate Christ and fill the world with love.

i only want to terrify the devil and make him cease his operations and harassment of our world forever.

soon will come the day of his demise and Christs return.

those days couldnt come fast enough as far as im concerned.

i went to one psychologist who told me to observe the smells sights and sounds around me and or the taste in my mouth when i was feeling like i was about to erupt in anger fear or sadness.

this worked once for me but never twice.

my last psychologist got me to focus on how much what bothers me will matter to me in the future.

i struggle to switch up my thoughts and cause my brain to travel along a track that doesnt lead to my distress or further its onslaught on the harmony of my family and myself .

it helps to have a group like seek life and the seekers to know i am not alone in my travails .

often the devil lies to me that i am the only one facing what im dealing with .

he tells me noone will understand me and i will never be able to change but i know others comprehend what im communicating even though they sometimes struggle to work out what i mean and i know God is going to heal my mind in His perfect timing either in this world or the next.

i get paid to include hyperlinks in the raps i share with the world every morning through tiktok instagram and facebook.

in the past i used to use snapchat until the computer i had it set up on stopped working.

my neighbors frequently yell about my mental retardation almost immediately after i perform my raps in my back garden or front yard or in the middle of my performance.

sometimes they are yelling loudly when we are eating our breakfast.

i have struggled to see them through the eyes of Christ and focus on how they love their families and are wrestling with their xenophobic fear of the unknown and their prejudiced hatred for different expressions of self and sonic style they are used to appreciating based on how they have grown up and the pressures placed on them by family working and educational environments.

seeing my friends husband throw a wooden box used to carry musical equipment on the ground triggered fear in me after i had previously seen him get aggressive with her over her spanking of their little boy and an incident where her life was threatened during which the police were called she refused to press charges and as a result was smashed and briefly hospitalized by wounds delivered her body by his undeserved fury which she tried to partially justify saying she hit him also.

watching this happen made me want to avoid them both as i felt like i could be of no use trying to calm the storm erupting around me and would more likely be struck by its lightning than prevent its eye from lulling me into becoming its child.

being locked in a room in the next state below my own as punishment for talking to a lady caused anger to simmer within me and my responses to be less enthusiastic and generally more morose than jubilant .

God is helping me to be gradually restored back into the joy filled boy who was famous far more for his smiles than drowning in tear filled frowns .

selah ❤

the suns light in shadows :

crawling through a dark forest seeking guidance from light penetrating 

between the branches high above me 

weeds wrap my feet

i will find you there amongst the dancing shadows dear 

your blazing heart is my escape pod from their menacing 

theyll pretend its medicine til ive drunk down my doom ❤

jean michel basquiat

jelly belly coated glockenspiel :

king pleasure by jean michel basquiat

river of tears run from my eyes over cold hearts

fountain of fire burst out them make them warm again

its only your hot blue tongue that ignites these embers

in seeking you each city becomes a peach and emerald

when life appears to have the juice sucked out it

we turn to you to gain our ceaseless zest supply ❤

desolations dissolution :

for those whose fulfillment of dreams is restricted by drugs 

i pray they might become addicted to our saviors love 

for all trapped in gang life not envisioning an exit 

i seek slaying in the spirit of evils realigned assignments 

confinement can harbor growth though reputations tossed out window panes

hypothetical parenthetical consensus :

untitled by jean michel basquiat

dream into reality the ideal of responsible fiscally sound leadership

it shouldnt be a difficult battle ascending a greasy mountain

to simply proclaim the truth without needing to justify it

we dont need to qualify ourselves when we represent higher authority

are we showing we care or caring for show more ❤

how souls kinship heals humors and hinders :

jean michel basquiat – rome pays ❤

For some souls religion or the way they connect to the spirit realm is a tree they see in their mind that causes them to draw comfort in  the middle of a painful season their soul is enduring for others its a conviction that the world generally is comprised of people who start their lifes journey being beautiful selfless creatures and gradually become more absorbed within the mirrors reflection and championing their own needs over others as the years go by 

For others still their bridge to belief is a false understanding that we are each the determiner of our own destinies and the answer to our prayers 

This may appear to work for someone until their life is in crisis mode and they find they cant possibly be their own Jesus cos they dont have the fortitude nor creative ingenuity located within them to find the solution to the pollution in their soul put in there by stimuli from circumstances they discover too hard to handle as most fingers do a freshly lit wax dripping candle 

Some have a conception of God as being an esoteric mystical force or being they would dub life 

These same people may not have the same concept some others did many millenia ago where death was treated like a god and worshiped .

Some resonate so strongly with mythical creations of an authors mind that they adopt the world they created as part of their spiritual philosophy.

Some worship gandalf others bow down to the alien beings conjured into life in the book series created by the author of battlefield earth.

Fans of this book have often created legal troubles for those in their flock who leave their number trying to start a brand new life perhaps cos they have understood  where fact ends and fiction begins – a truth possibly lost on the likes of their former herds devotees tom cruise john travolta and possibly laurence fishburne .

For some the yardstick of whether religion is dangerous to their spirits health is if every aspect of their life is controlled by the leaders of a belief system including but not always limited to who they can marry who they can hang out with as friends how long they can stay out the house where they are allowed to go when they leave the house what they are permitted to wear outside the house what gender they are allowed to hang out with in the house what movies they are allowed to watch what music they are given freedom to listen to what books they are allowed to read ( if any ) what questions they are allowed to ask about their religion and the world around them , what access they are given to the outside world through the internet or snail mail correspondence what they are allowed to eat what they are allowed to spend their money on what charities and  causes they are allowed to support what they are permitted to think about dreams and their exploration what careers they are allowed to pursue ( if any ) what gender they are allowed to associate with in any given circumstance , what age group they are allowed to hang out with when they are permitted to date whether they are permitted to date in groups or to be alone with the person they love , how their religion relates to same sex  relationships , how their religion relates to relationships between practitioners of other religions , how their religion relates to people from different cultural backgrounds , what their religion thinks about acting cross dressing and prescribed gender roles , how their religion encompasses tom boys and mommys boys what their religion thinks about sports and playing instruments how their religion engages with their culture and shys away from it due to possible or implausible / mythical associations with devils , how their religion relates to tattooing , how their religion relates to dances close proximity smiles and waving hands between divinely given sex types how their religion conceptualizes imago Dei or any portrayal of living beings , how their religion opposes or champions the oppression of women , how their religion conceptualizes slavery 

Some find restrictions liberating 

This may appear weird to those who have grown up with them and  couldnt wait to get rid of them but if a woman has been treated like a piece of meat or a sex object all her life she may find it liberating not to be in an environment where she feels she is being pressured by the dress standards around her to expose her thighs cleavage or belly button as she isnt impressed upon by any advertising agencies to rock a look that may be considered by many to be the epitome of modesty

Some are pushed to mock standards of modesty seeing it as restrictive or prudish or pushing a victorian era mentality on modern minds.

Some like to have boundaries.

They find they go crazy without them.

They are used to an environment where theyre told when to eat when to get up and when to go to sleep when they are allowed to use computers when they are allowed to make noise at night the volume level of the noise they are allowed to make what they are allowed to say whether they are permitted to swear or talk in a blasphemous manner whether they are allowed to talk disrespectfully about women or if they are forbidden from talkin about certain body parts or issues related to specific genders around members of the opposite sex .

It can be confronting when you move into a new environment where everyone seems to look at the world through eyes that perceive the world with a perspective thats the opposite to yours.

Its hard both not to be seen as a threat to others worldviews preservation in this situation and to see it as a threat to yours if you are not strong enough in your conviction of what you believe to persist in it regardless of whether your view or what you know as truth is held by the majority or minority of individuals on the planet .

Its funny how society shifts and changes.

Up until the 1600s in western europe it was considered normal and masculine to wear pink and frills . this has since become perceived by many as being a strictly feminine expression of the self conveyed in fashion .

Some are so addicted to hugging grudges that they find it impossible to move on with their lives and get past a grievance that was done to them.

It isnt easy to build a bridge and get over a wrong that was meted out against us but it is crucial in order for us to heal and avoid having lives prematurely shortened by the toxic swill of bitterness.

Some are of the mistaken belief that swearing increases the authenticity or potency of dialogue 

I disagree with an audio artist who i greatly admire on this subject

Im not gonna mention his name cos i want us to remain homeys instead of the opposite of companionship.

Besides having a spat with the pope about being denied permission to marry anne boleyn one of the reasons king henry the eighth set in motion the dissolution of the monasteries which sounds benign until you consider it involves smashing and burning churches and statues arresting monks and nuns and making life a simulacrum of a living hell for them was that in his mistaken view Gods commandment not to make graven images and worship them included images and statues designed to fertilize within observers mind passion for Christ and the possession of knowledge about bible stories which they wouldnt have had access to cos they werent wealthy or well connected enough to have an education .

There was a time when education was literally only for royalty.

Another reason was the supposedly popish gestures of saints portrayed with praying hands.

This is a pose that may be more commonly recognized by the modern mind as having an association with siddhartha guatama and his acolytes .

I have led myself to believe the lie in the past that i had no choice other than to surrender to the voice in my head urging me to masturbate 

I listened to the voice of fear telling me a woman wouldnt be interested in me if i didnt talk dirty to her or discuss areas of her body i wanted to touch or lick when in fact the opposite was true.

I found more women wanted to talk to me and continue in a conversation when i wasnt flirtatious and i didnt want to bring sexual activity and soul connections being formed in our minds with our fingers and tongues into our interactions.

Pornographic material be it audio or visual can lie to you about what constitutes acceptable behaviour and topics suitable for discussion in relationships between veritable virtual strangers.

Im still working on valuing women more for their spirits or their minds wills and emotions or their characters and personalities or their good heads for business or their creative ingenuity or their kindness or their willingness to be brave or their honesty about their emotions and harrowing experiences as well as jubilant ones than i do their sexually attractive physical features which for me is primarily something i notice in women who are  generally darker skin toned or ancestrally connected to africa asia or south east asia .

They are usually of above average build with a shorter height than mine and curly or wavy haired most  commonly sporting luscious mahogany spell binding eyes .

Most of the women ive pursued have been from a christian background cos my dad told me he wouldnt approve of me marrying outside my faith.

I dont personally have a problem with doing so but i dont know how i would navigate educating kids in religion choosing schools  for them or dealing with situations where i might clash with a prospective wife on what is considered as being right or wrong when viewed through the eyes of our religions .

Officially you arent forced to convert to islam in order to marry a muslim but you are pressured into it if you want to marry a catholic .

In practice however there are lots of people who are catholics in name only who just say the right things in order to marry the girl or boy of their dreams and there are many muslims in the same situation .

There is generally more pressure on muslims from their families to encourage their spouse to convert to islam .

This pressure is also applied when hindus wish to marry muslims .

It is probably easier for sikhs to marry christians cos there is less of a violent history of clashing between religions between sikhism and christianity as there is betwixt practitioners of christianity ( self proclaimed ) and muslims or christians and hindus .

Clashes between hindus and christians concerning marriage are less prevalent in western countries and in the majority of marriage related interactions between hindus and christians.

It is only a few firebrands who want to keep us apart from the dictates of our hearts .

Although arranged marriages still take place in india they are increasingly becoming a matter of choice for the young couples involved in the process of marriage selection.

Sticky tricky aspects of interaction remain such as kisses being forbidden before meeting your spouse .

The television show married at first sight has pivoted many couples involved back to an old world scenario where marriages were arranged and agreed upon without the prospective couple ever having laid eyes upon each other.

I think coupling concepts like dating naked are ridiculous as they spoil the mystery of a marriage covenant and take something that is meant to be beautiful and sacred and cheapen it and cause it to lose honor in the eyes of those involved in it .

I worked with a lady who convinced some of my fellow workers of an indian background that the way people do things amongst young couples down under is to try before you buy and hop in bed together before vows are exchanged at the altar.

That may have  been true for her relationship but it certainly isnt the case for everyone .

Some people may go through their lives without having a relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Saint paul glorifies such people and talks in a way that suggests their life choice is more noble than those who get married but in my view this contradicts what God tells us in genesis to go forth and multiply.

We arent supposed to go forth and multiply like romantic calculators unless we save our copulation for the  confines of Gods ordained prescription for a marriage covenant.

Its possible some women stay away from marriage cos of fears they may be pressured into being a cook or a cleaner or a baby production factory but im one of those guys who is happy if the woman i love does none of those things for me and just chooses to hold me and love me for  the rest of my life.

Faithfulness is all i require of her.

That and someone willing to pour her heart into my ears and be willing to some small extent to allow me to do the same for her.

I met a woman on sunday who only likes to talk about the good parts of her testimony not the bad ones.

I can relate to that.

Im still debating in my head if i went down a mistaken path allowing my ex girlfriend to urge me into revealing the details of my sordid past.

I think there are some things about us only God needs to know.

If we are in the situation romul tune was where we cant be touched by our girlfriend or wife or husband or boyfriend in certain places below our neck and above our chest we may need to seek counselling in order to discover for ourselves memories we may have suppressed of abuse .

Sometimes we can plant false memories in ourselves or convince ourselves that just because a character got involved in an abusive situation where they were in the victim on a television show that if we imitate their behaviour we may also find ourselves following in their footsteps.

There was a time when i was very self conscious about my body and i couldnt swim without wearing a tee shirt.

In samoan culture this is considered normal practice as exposing the male chest has the same connotation to many samoans that a woman flashing her breasts would do in public to many western non femmen influenced minds .

I believe it is a mistaken belief among some feminists that its liberating or that it gives you power to show your nipples to the world.

Many women who have done this for photo shoots or videos have found the opposite is true and they feel like a little slice has been taken out of their heart every time they expose themselves.

They feel like their value has been lost or reduced like a car when you whack it accidentally or on purpose against a tree .

In some cultures certain dance moves can be mistaken for imitating prostitutes .

A woman moving her body or a man doing the same does not always indicate a desire to copulate or form a relationship.

She isnt always sending signals to the opposite sex that she seeks stimulation in the bedroom department or sending out hotness flares to other ladies wishing to provoke jealousy within them though not a flame thrower in the face which many may consider using if they think a ladys figure or kitten heels are to die for in the sense they wish their owner to literally perish for the crime of outshining them in public.

Some believe its a sin to eat meat or wear fur.

Im not one of those people but i wouldnt deliberately go out of my way to promote those actions around someone i knew had an issue with them .

I have always found vegetarian meals delicious although i would find it tricky to be a vegan as i love my dairy products ( even though i know as someone who loves to perform on stage that it savages my ability to perform as well as i would if i just stuck to coconut milk and chai masala ).

I have regrettably put my vegetarian friends in difficult situations where ive asked them to buy me a meal i knew was made of meat instead of offering to pay for it myself.

I thank God my vegetarian sometimes vegan support worker isnt of the persuasion of katie holmes character in pieces of april where she couldnt eat out of a frypan that had been used to cook meat or attend a restaurant where murdered meat was served.

One of my friends was a vegetarian until he started to value animals more than people and follow the advice of some in p e t a circles that suggest its okay to kill a human if the act of doing so saves the life of an animal.

Some may not consider that belief to be a religious one  but i see belief as being inextricable from religion .

If anyone else follows the  beliefs you practice thats a religion even if you never meet your fellow practitioners or know of their existence.

There are some devil worshippers who believe in the existence of the devil and some who possess the flaw in their thinking like a fly in a jar of ointment that everything selfish or bad in the world or every belief or action they are opposed to represents the devil.

Some foolishly think triple six represents good luck instead of the number of the devil.

Triple seven is the number of Christ and the number of those whose souls are marked as belonging to Him .

I want my life to forever be a reflection of His soul perfecting glory.

I pray your hunger will become or is the same ❤ 





in consideration of my source of jubilations denigration & exaltation above all else :

gustav klimt – farm garden with crucifix 

What is our world devoid of religion but an androids headspace ? :

Some people claim to be opposed to religion when truthfully it is not religion itself they are rubbed the wrong way by but the notion of organizations association with belief systems.

Many who say they are not into religion are in fact in favour of identifying themselves as being spiritual people .

Theoretically it would seem the ideal recipe to dissolve the scourges to our worlds harmony by detaching our souls of the notion that there is such a thing as a theological construct that should be forbidden from entering into minds and controlling the resulting conceptualisation that results from their embracing by our cerebral chambers .

This is flawed thinking however if we consider that some perceptions of how faith should be fleshed out in every day life propose virtue in practices many would find abominable such as cannibalism , rape and molestation and oppression and subjegation of women maintained as part of involvement in the practice of a method of seeing the world threaded to certainty in our connection to a higher being or series of beings beyond us that run the universe .

Where coexistence finds merit is in the choice some make to forgive others when they hurt them or harm someone they love or make life difficult for them.

It is important in order to prevent needless conflict and increase understanding in our world to be of the mindset that all of us has something to learn from others.

There will be times in all our lives where we play the role of the hands feet and mouth of Christ.

If we see how everyone can play this role it makes it possible for us to view the heroic nature present within all human souls even in those recognized for feats of fiendish villainy that we would never recommend imitating to anyone.

Although practically its impossible for children and adults to study in depth the theological constructions of every religion on earth it is important for our heads to grasp the basic tenets of faith systems that have become recognized in our world by exerting dramatic cultural influence and dominating psyches across the planet .

Often we hate kill lie to or abuse others cos we fear them due to our lack of understanding of how they see the world or their life experience .

We can all find unity in the belief that we should value sincerity and be known as those who do not feel the need to wear masks or hide who we are depending on who we hang around.

We must encourage the free thinkers of the world.

We need to champion people even if we passionately disagree with them.

Its suppression of willingness to have the thoughts of others aired out in public that has created abominable scenarios for many in our world.

We must stick each religion in our world on the examination table and scrutinize what can be tangibly determined as belonging to the original concept of the religious system in question and what has been adopted as tradition or a culture growing up around the practise of that belief system.

We must eliminate everything from our religious beliefs  that cause people to be experiencing needless suffering .

There is such a thing as needful suffering.

Residents of the former nation of yugoslavia are responsible for bringing about the spread of concepts of liberty of the soul in the african american slave community by selling themselves into slavery .

They burned their ships when they arrived at their destination after sailing off waving to their loved ones in european harbors .

One of them is known for uttering their willingness to die was so that the lamb ( Jesus ) may receive the reward of His suffering.

Many have attempted to overhaul society with initial motivations arising from a compassionate heart.

Pol pot saw inequality in society and tried to switch positions owned by the haves for those who could be referred to as the have nots .

History tells the horrific story of the resulting rivers of bloodshed coming about in his quest to rid his country of what he saw as poison present in intellectual ability.

Hitler had a similar distaste for artistic skills , ironic venom to be found in the spirit of a former art school reject .

As a world we can learn from his mistake of the danger of self hatred.

Born a jew in austria its possible his contempt for the hebrew people was motivated by a lack of love for the way God had made him or a shortfall of confidence which he overcompensated for by attempting to install himself as a substitute deity.

We can all see wisdom in the precept of never seeing ourselves as superior or inferior to another human soul.

Idi amin and another soul who followed his twisted perceptions false path of logic found himself and his profane disciples able to bring themselves to a place where they could kill others by viewing them as animals instead of fellow humans.

If we see value in each human face and in the brain contained within each skull it is harder for us to be clinically detached from the experience of suffering in our world and it becomes less of an easy thing for us to get involved in destroying another life God has created to bring Him joy.

In religions where multiple wives or husbands are permitted it is less likely that one sex or gender will value its opposite and cherish the qualities they bring to the table of human interactions.

Often women get abused or taken for granted in relationships where they are valued more for their physical attractiveness than for their mind will and emotions.

I dont believe any of us are better off on our own than being involved in relationships even if the only relationship we have is one of involvement in our community .

Some people are hard to love cos they have mental health issues which cause them to shake or scream or they have physical ailments which cause them to have trouble walking or talking or which prevent them from going to the toilet feeding themselves dressing themselves and cooking.

Religion plays a huge role through music dancing and art associated with it as well as the sharing of the foundation stories which built the construction of our beliefs .

These things can play the part of bringing healing to a heart suffering from loneliness.

Its good to know we are not fighting alone and someone else can relate to our experience.

The history of humanity has been a frustrating journey for many women who have had to fight for their right to gain the opportunity to do any job they want or vote for the leaders they want to run their country .

A false religious concept association the devil with a female may be behind decisions made out of fear of the other which causes women to be trodden down under the heels of society.

Religion can teach us to value women if we consider that it is pivotal in reminding us that it is the seed of a woman who will crush the head of the serpent satan and one day make the world better for all of us who are breathing sentient humans.

We are all religious practitioners to some degree .

I know a guy who believes things come in threes .

Some people go to the extreme of spinning around teapots before they serve tea or turning around photos of dead people in the belief it will cause something spooky to happen in their house if they see their face.

Although it isnt always true that speaking negative things will cause detrimental side effects for someone it is important for us to focus our thoughts on positive things because majoring on the depressing things that occur in our world can cause us to become suicidal or seek to use dastardly murderous means to bring about changes we want to see in the world through a desperate desire that lacks patience and wherewithal to connect with likeminded souls to add flesh to our fantasy of an improved world where every child is safe where no woman need fear walking in the street at any hour of day or night for fear her body may be used as a tool to empty out hateful desires to dominate or take what wasnt freely offered due to lack of comprehension and where noone need quiver due to concerns the color of their skin may cause others to behave spitefully towards them and attempt to take them out of the planet or exploit their skills based on a mistaken belief in the role certain ethnicities are destined to play in our world.

It is helpful and useful to own the belief that all humans have something useful to contribute to our world and all cultures are equally capable of prospering provided they are given the opportunity to do so .

Often the reason our world suffers has less to do with the amount of resources in it and the greed that people harbor in their hearts which prevent them from seeing the benefit of owning a generous spirit.

It is regrettable that many souls have been lost to the other side of our earthly realm through wars fought initially to protect the rights of religious pilgrims to travel unhampered from their homes to the promised land .

There are some people in our world who call themselves religious nones.

This is because when official forms as them to mark a religion they put down none of the above if other religions are given as an option.

Although some of these people would consider themselves as being of the belief that God doesnt exist or that its impossible to be certain about His existence one way or the other many simply prefer to have fellowship with God on their own or want to go on their own religious or spiritual journey and dont like being told what to think and what to say or do as much as they value getting together with likeminded souls discussing the meaning of life , why life is the way it is , why God allows our world to be the way it is , why hell and evil exist , what impact God has on the world , why He appears to be selective in allowing some to receive miracles and others to miss out on them , why some find it easy to love Him and others struggle not to hate Him , how our cultural or religious upbringing shapes our worldview , what constitutes oppression , what motivates people to focus on one issue that needs changing in society more than others for example what happens to babies in the womb and the continuing blight of slavery or human trafficking that affects nearly area of commerce in our world today be it through exploiting womens bodies for sex or getting little kids to work in garment factories for little or no pay , how kindness and godliness motivates us to fight for those who appear to be suffering the most in society , how the world got to be the way it is and what must be done if anything to bring about its healing if it is indeed in a state of sickness in dire requirement of our repair et all.

Most sensible people would disagree with descartes that simply having faith in the truth of the reality of our existence is not in itself sufficient proof that we are here on this planet .

What he meant of course was that his life is self determined.

There is yet to be a human on earth that created his or her own existence.

The possessions we accumulate in our journey between birth and death come into our lives and depart from them through a combined effort of divine involvement in the universe and our own willingness to roll up our sleeves and contribute the sweat of our brow to put food on our tables and roofs over our heads.

We are made stunningly aware of our own fragility and frailty whenever we are forced to look upon the varying disasters of drought , fire being spread where it is not wanted consuming vast areas of tree covered land or scenes where water has engulfed places or objects it has no business being .

Some of us have to experience becoming the victim of thievery or loss of our homes through flooding or cyclones in order to recognize the beauty of what God has given us and see the merit in those we have become so comfortable around on days when nothing drastic occurs its easy to forget they are there like a lawn chair sitting in the corner of a dusty room idling in neglect.

Some who have wrestled with anger all their lives may find the things that used to mean the world to them and which used to bother them so immensely they strained to prevent themselves reaching boiling point and throwing items at anyone in sight or hurling vitriolic comments in the direction of any nearby soul may discover their significance fading as their number of determined days on earth becomes shortened by the failure of the medical establishment to conjure up a potion that gives the user immortality .

I believe it is Gods involvement in the experience of our world that helps us to see the good in others .

No believer in any religion can honestly say the world came about through nothing.

Even a big bang requires an intelligent being to create the motion of the universe.

This world is far too complex to have occurred by chance or random selection .

I believe God didnt just make the world and leave us up to our own devices.

There has never been a human who has been capable of causing themselves to breathe devoid of the raw materials He used to assemble the universe.

I believe our dreams help to paint pictures in the canvases adorning the galleries of our minds which cause our ideas to develop into footnotes in history .

There are some societies and cultures which believe in men and women living separate lives and only coming together to procreate .

I believe this way of life prevents us from reaping the benefits of what both sexes contribute towards the emotional wellbeing of our human tree.

Although its true we can benefit from spending time solely in the company of our own gender it is not recommended for a healthy existence .

Some today may choose to live this way especially women who have a history of being taken advantage of by men .

It is important that we learn to trust when our trust has been broken.

Its been proven through scientific research that involvement in religion is beneficial to our physical health.

Studies have also shown that choosing to let go of a grievance can extend our lives to the same extent that we would potentially prevent their lengthening by clutching them tight and allowing a grudge to choke the joy out of our spirits .

We make our lives so much poorer if we stereotype others and permit ourselves to focus on the pain we experienced in our past meted out on us by a particular gender or a member of a specific ethnic group if in focussing on that agony we do not consider the motivating factors behind why people behave in a certain way due to their home life or the way they have been encouraged to act by leaders in their community .

I believe we do ourselves no favours by assuming that everybody from a particular ethnic group supports one specific political party and that they will automatically champion the underdog or those who appear to be struggling the most in society or those who look like they are prospering at the top of the social pyramid who may simultaneously be dealing with turbulence in their home life due to real or perceived threats of someone taking their position from them or the limitations imposed on resources in our world by the time it takes to replenish them through weathers stimulation or diligent safeguarding of them by putting measures in place to protect the environment theyre sourced from .

God gave us wisdom in times of war .

He told us not to remove fruit trees from a city under siege 

It is telling where compassion is present even in situations where it would seem wise to look out for our own best interests.

Its often in seeking others best over our own that we end up bettering ourselves though and gaining unexpected blessings .

It is feasible that there is life on other planets in this or another universe.

It is remarkable the way our planet is perfectly positioned so we are just far away enough from the sun that we’re not burned to a crisp and just close enough to be prevented from freezing to death .

Its hard to deny the divine element present in such perfectly precisely located spheres and star systems.

Although i do not condone war against humans as it relates to spilling blood for the sake of land preservation i do see how it is almost impossible to be human without being engaged in conflict over ideas .

It is in our wrestling with these ideas and our seeking of harmony and our usage of humility within our interaction with them that we find ourselves experiencing in person the world we long to be breathed into being .

Although shown evidence of corruption in politics and those who make a living out of it i will die possessing faith in the ability of the system of democracy we have been given containing within its nature the seed of potential to result in the majority of our experience as branches in the tree of humanity being those associated with fairness and happiness more than trauma and injustice .

It was mockery that resulted in the early christians being called little Christs .

Some of us are more comfortably simply being known as HIs beloved.

I think we can all relate to the idea of a religion or belief system where we choose to love others even if they behave in an unloving way towards us and where we choose to have faith to believe that anyone can be changed for the better by others potentially or reach a place where they wake up to themselves and opt for a life valuing others over self which is the only kind of life in which worth seen in self has any inherent meaning 

Xo ❤ 


Live to love and you will always possess the pearl of happiness ❤

with ( drawn) faces :

See the source image

dont drop me like this globdule of toothpaste left by the sink

dont leave me hanging discarded like the hat thread left on the mirror

i thought what we shared meant more to you than that

how wrong i am

stir me from this nightmare i wish fake like plastic flowers