Body wrapped up inside an alfoil head

It’s hard for a mother to know how to raise her child when she’s hearing contradictory advice from all over the place.

Rachael and Steve gave mum stollen bread for the 3 wisemen ( mum, dad and I ) but she ate it all herself cos she said she wouldn’t like it.

How many chances should I give someone before I withdraw my friendship.

I’m facing a real test of forgiveness right now especially when my online reputation is potentially damaged and my friends minds have been influenced by a perverted individual who should know better than to push the boundaries with me when he knows i am a hardcore Christian and I will not tolerate his disgusting lust crazy attitude which is disrespectful to all women past present and future regardless of the looseness of their morals or their willingness to push the envelope of public acceptability.

If beyonce can forgive jay z I can forgive his sins.

Bigger and better than that if Jesus can die in my place taking the punishment i deserve i can extend the hand of friendship and forgiveness to him.

I mustn’t think God is punishing me even though I deserve it when I step outside to take the bin out and it starts pouring cats and dogs down on me til I am utterly drenched and soaked to the skin.

I may decide to walk away from something but then I find myself being pulled back into the same old ancient addictions.

I feel like my protective bubble has been stripped away from me.

I know I was using my desire for jenisyz to distract me from sinead.

I will try to concentrate exclusively on alice but I think my resolve will dissolve when I see jenisyz again at youth group.

We will see what happens.

I might have scared her away after Sunday night anyway.

I know the best way to stop thinking about sinead is simply to concentrate on Jesus.

I made a decision on Tuesday to only sing songs about Jesus at work.

I still find myself reverting to my own spontaneous songs about girls and songs about the lives of my workmates patched together through eavesdropping on their conversations.

Previously i would just sing whatever comes into my head so I’ve been fighting hard within myself to prevent ungodly or worldly lyrics from popping out my mouth.

The last couple of days i have found my brain switching tracks in the middle of my sentences.

Mum ate asparagus in Germany.

She says lederhosen are very popular in the shops over there.

Some British people were drinking beer in Munich airport which is a forbidden activity.

I had a call from my job service provider helper anne marie from help enterprises.

She checks up on me to see how many hours of work I’ve been getting and if I have any problems at work.

She thinks she can detect reluctance to discuss a problem in my conversation.

Maybe she’s right.

Maybe she’s wrong.

Either way I’m not shedding any light on the subject.

Not to her anyway.

I told her about my bosses criminal negligence when it came to my molested workmate and she did nothing to report it.

I may as well have been sharing my life story with a brick wall.

A brick wall might have provided me a more animated response.

Mum saw live chicks being fed to birds of prey.

Part of me doesn’t want to give up my relationship and part of me just wants to toss her away.

It’s interesting in China there’s a goddess of mercy and a human worshipped as a god who supposedly made other humans out of mud.

This is similar to the genesis account of God making man from a combination of His breath and the dust of the ground.

Mum says the trains in Germany are heated and they give you blankets so you can keep warm.

Some Chinese and Koreans worship Confucius as a god.

I pray one day the whole of China will pay attention to the proclamation given in ancient China that China would be a Christian nation.

The church in China is growing all the time.

There’s already over 100 million believers in Jesus.

Government crackdowns on church gatherings come and go in waves.

Some churches get burned down then dedicated persistent believers build them up again.

The most ancient and common mistake we as humans can make is to attempt to steal God’s glory for ourselves.

We might be the best Christian leaders in the world but there still might be areas in our lives which God needs to redeem.

Some people only help others when it yields an immediate benefit for themselves instead of waiting patiently to receive their treasures in heaven.

We can’t always predict the future so we should hold onto those we love and care about before we no longer have them with us.

Gone are the days when you had to hide your sexual preferences when you marry someone so there’s no justifiable reason why anyone would do it today unless they live in a country where they risk imprisonment or decapitation for choosing a morally unacceptable sexual partner.

I don’t know why Jesus would love me.

I’m such a dirtbag but His love isn’t supposed to make sense is it?

That’s what makes His grace so amazing.

I’m the kind of person who has to get everything down as soon as it happens otherwise it slips straight out of my brain.

It’s a different dynamic having both my parents back in the house.

Switzerland, Singapore and Norway have compulsory military service.

My friend was riding bikes for the swiss army.

My dad and my swiss female friend on ywam both gave me swiss army knives.

I think people should be able to choose whether they go into the military but it might be a necessity to force them into it in my birth country uk where the brits volunteering to fight for Islamic state or daesh outnumber those fighting against it.

It’s common for some people to suffer so others are enabled to have a better life.

My friend emily is used to waking up at 5am but on anzac day she has to wake up at 3am to travel to a 5am dawn service.

Her schoolmates slapped her in the face with her own hand to wake her up when she fell asleep.

I don’t think I should be asked to help out at work after I’ve officially finished unless I get compensated for my extra service.

Of course I should consider if I am not getting paid to work i am showing God’s love to people.

I hate people taking advantage of me.

I hate to see women getting exploited for their bodies.

I know some people just let information they disagree with pass them by but I feel divinely compelled to fight against it.

I know I can’t say I love my best friend completely unless I’m prepared to forsake all others but I know that short of a miracle she’d never make that sacrifice for me.

Most of the things I do in life are my futile attempts to save me from myself yet i know in my heart only Jesus can do that.

Rain is like love.

It sneaks up on you unexpectedly and snatches you from behind.

Love is a tiger lurking in the darkness of the night.

I hate not being able to read the mind of the one I love but I suppose life is more exciting that way.

It would help if I could partially detect what’s on her mind by learning to read her facial expressions though.

Everybody deserves someone to love except some people love themselves so much they can’t make room for anyone else in their lives.

I swing between obnoxious overconfidence and a quivering self deprecating worm.

I can’t seem to get the balance right.

One day I’m gonna rip out every last remaining hair on my head cos my work and parents force me to tie it back which results in it being tangled up in knots.

I know some women don’t like guys with long hair.

Alice doesn’t.

I’m not sure what jenisyz thinks.

I wish I was.

I’m afraid of marrying the wrong person but the more I see the godliness in alices personality the deeper i fall in love with her.

 

Obsessively checking her page to see if she’s posted an update

In Burma  it is common for teachers salaries for primary education to be  $40 u.s for a year.

Eugene and min lee cho sacrificed a years wages to help those in need.

They started a charity called one day’s wages.

The kids had to give up soccer camps and piano lessons.

It took them $ 68 000 to start a charity.

They rented out their home to a guy from the uk for  $10000

I’m often smarter in hindsight than I am in the present moment.

I hear that little voice in my head saying stay away from her but my hormones scream louder than my conscience.

Still i have enough of a conscience or wisdom enough to swim away when she starts to get flummoxed by my close proximity to her body or the fact that there’s a whole bunch of eyes only a few metres away watching our every move.

Mum brought back eggspoons.

They cost her 1 euro.

Do i want to change myself as well as the world. ?

Yes.

Do i feel like I have the capacity to avoid beautiful teenage girls who demonstrate an interest in me or just throw a smile in my direction. ?

Not at present to be honest.

Maybe i have a fetish for dark skinned,  caramel or Polynesian girls.

I find it hard to talk to them without falling in love.

They are my strength as well as my weakness cos they also challenge my faith to dig deeper into the bible and they encourage me to express my faith through song through showing their appreciation  for what I do.

Aunty judy told Rachael she’d be a widow cos her husband risks his life every time he gets on a bike.

Mum got a wilkommen ( welcome in German ) door hanging and a woman in gold plate.

It’s a copy of an original by Gustav klimt.

Maybe i should only check jenisyz’s page once a day.

I keep hoping she will post something new.

She hasn’t replied to my messages yet.

I didn’t say anything dirty or romantic to her.

Rachael has fake eggs hanging from her Christmas tree.

I couldn’t resist getting jenisyz something from the shops.

I’m not always very frugal when it comes to spending my money.

Contrast. ? mum got a tea towel for one euro.

Mum got dad a book about Martin Luther sheltering in coburg

She only found out when she’d bought it that it was in German.

She had specifically asked for an English version.

Mum took Rachael and Steve for lunch in an orange grove.

She said the staff were rude ( not recommended then)

I would never take relationship advice from anyone involved in the occult or atheism cos they are coming from a different world view and i wouldn’t want theirs to influence mine.

Mum bought egg cups with feet for 1 euro.

When dad asked about my relationship with alice it made me scared and jumpy.

Aunty Helen gave mum fake snowdroppers to take home.

Sinead has another rival for nates affection named jess.

It’s ok for tv shows to show abortions as long as they show the grief suffered by a woman as a consequence and the long term damage done to her body which affects further pregnancy, increasing the likelihood of miscarriage and having a similar affect to ceasereans by causing pain in childbirth in excess of the usual amount.

Mum brought back a Strauss cd for dad.

The last time home and away tackled abortion the poor chick who got up the duff out of wedlock chose to keep her baby.

It’s amazing how people who kill a fully grown human get tossed in jail for decades yet doctors and nurses, governments and police who protect the proliferation of the baby murder business are allowed to carry on regardless.

You can say I’m irresponsible with my words.

I only retract statements that contradict God’s character.

Yes we can all learn from each other regardless of religious preferences but as christians our primary sources for influence should be God’s written and spoken word.

To some degree i can say what I want with impunity.

I’m only held accountable to God.

If we had to eat our words for real would we be more careful about leaving a nasty taste in our own mouths as well as a putrid disturbing sound in someone else’s.

Woe to the man who doesn’t take a position on anything cos he’s too afraid of offending other people.

It’s frustrating not knowing if she’s online or not.

Mum bought me a beano.

Rachael bought me asterix in Britain in German,  an African Moorhead bag , a chocolate bunny and a German calendar featuring various scenes of whimsical country life.

My friend Richard got baptized by his brother.

Praise the Lord.

His brother is studying to be a pastor.

He does alpha courses helping people to understand Christianity and the bible better.

He says most of the people who start the course finish up as christians.

I told mum to buy me a comic after she’d already hopped on the plane from Melbourne to brisbane.

Mum told me not to say bad stuff about Muslims to Rachael.

I will obey her even though I don’t want to.

Rachael had an anxiety attack when she was with mum.

When Rachael was walking with mum and aunty pat she was ready to take mum away from aunty pat when aunty pat upset her.

Jenisyz went to the city at night for the first time on Sunday night.

She had been in the daytime before.

It’s unlikely that anyone will ever stumble across this blog by accident.

I can’t just say live and let live when it comes to people who don’t believe in Jesus.

I am commanded by God to tell them about Him otherwise their perishing souls rest heavy on my conscience.

Should I take Brian houstons approach and wait for people to invite me to discuss religion. ?

What if fear of rejection by others overhearing them is holding them back. ?

I did eventually wean myself off contacting this girl every day or checking her page.

It’s a hard habit to break.

Does the fact i am the polar opposite of mr popularity give me virtual diplomatic immunity. ?

Possibly maybe.

The indisputable facts are sean carter cheated on beyonce.

The only debatable fact is with whom.

It’s funny how she wanted a private wedding and now she is selling wedding video footage via one of her mvs displaying scenes from it.

I know anyone can give relationship advice regardless of their religious background.

I just think the best people to give me advice are those who are deeply in love with Jesus.

I have found that to be true in my own life.

I know my behavior online and offline would set alarm bells ringing in some people’s minds.

That doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

If it did you would see some sign of repentance  ( turning away from my sinful ways) or remorse ( just sorry i got caught red handed with my pants around my ankles ) displayed in the things I say and the way i live my life.

Ok I did get good advice via a book by a very spiritually confused women.

She told me via her writing that blended families may face difficulty combating the situation where the kids of both partners from previous relationships fall in love.

This is obviously not God’s best and why He doesn’t approve of divorce except on the grounds of adultery so couples can avoid being forced to face these kinds of issues.

I was thinking on the train home i would be better to concentrate on women closer to my age so I don’t get in trouble with my church or the law.

Should I be more worried about getting in trouble with the Lord. ?

Yes i definitely think so.

I know pastor kaipati told me years ago i have to learn how just to be friends with young teenage girls.

I see some of them more like potential wives than sex objects.

I don’t agree morally with the temporary marriage sex hook ups permitted by islam.

There’s no respect for women and no love or security to be found in that system.

God tells husbands to love their wives like Christ loves the church which is more than He loves His own life.

I don’t necessarily agree with biblical submission cos I was raised by parents who believed in consultative and joint decision making.

Sometimes this resulted in dad having his way but often mum gets opportunity to speak her mind and steer our family in the direction she wants to go for example dad chose for us to come to Australia but mum chose to stay in Australia over us becoming missionaries in Hong Kong China.

Hk is the only country i know who wants to be British besides gb herself.

Canada is probably on that list as well as most commonwealth countries and countries like Rwanda who want in on the Commonwealth.

Stay in love with Jesus.

Stay in love with life.

Nobody else can be you and no one else would want to 😁

Gobbling my soul

Rachael n Steve have blue tits and robins in her village.

Mum ate strudel at the bike show she went to.

She bought a bottle of santa Emilia( saint emily) water in Munich and her stewardess on the Etihad plane had the same name as her bottle.

On Sunday night i got to sit next to jenisyz in the park at south bank.

She was doing star jumps on top of the fitness platform.

She likes my handwriting.

She didn’t want to sing my song cos she didn’t know it.

She told me to sing louder.

She stopped me in the middle of another poem cos it was time for us to go.

I’m glad I didn’t get her name tattooed with the wrong spelling on me.

She was comfortable being alone with me in the pool but she preferred her own company so I left her alone.

Her sister preshyz was telling the others to stay away from us cos we were having a private conversation.

I don’t know if preshyz likes me more than jenisyz does.

I hope jenisyz doesn’t hate me.

I hope I didn’t scare her or make her sad.

She put her hair up in a bun for church.

I love all her hair styles but I love to see it down and loose best of all.

She has beautiful curly ringlets.

They cascade down her neck and stop just past her shoulders.

She got blonde foils for her 13th birthday.

It was the first time she had dyed her hair so she was scared going into the experience.

She didn’t want to get on my shoulders to play the game where you try and push someone off someone else’s shoulders when you’re both in the water.

I wanted to sit next to preshyz in church but she was sitting at the opposite end of the pew.

Jenisyz received Jesus as her personal savior in church.

I thought she already was a Christian.

I’m still not sure if I was wrong.

She stopped singing everybody backstreets back when I started singing it.

I asked if she was hungry and she said she wasn’t.

Maybe she thought i was offering to fetch some for her but im not spontaneous like that.

I did want to pay for her maccas but I didn’t get a chance.

She had a cornetto ice cream cone.

I love her funny faces and spontaneous dance moves.

She plays guitar with her thumb.

She didn’t like it when I was joking about nuts.

I’m still trying to figure out her sense of humor.

She knows how to stand up for herself.

She fights with her words not her fists and she’s smart and godly so she does it in a polite way.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since I learned her name.

I have tried to stop myself from thinking about having sex with her because she doesn’t belong to me yet.

I wouldn’t do it with her unless we were married first.

I want everything to be pure and holy and right between us.

The ambulance is on hand in Germany for night of the jumps.

One of the bike riders hurt himself and had to be taken away by the ambulance.

My sister Rachael prayed for him.

I don’t know if I want to dump alice but I know it’s not fair on her and jenisyz to love them both at once neither is it possible cos you can’t love anyone properly with a divided heart.

Does part of me love God and part of me love the devil.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible for me to break free from being enslaved by my bad habits or sinful lifestyle.

I know with God’s help all things are possible.

I can move on in my  affection for someone pretty quickly unless I know for sure that a girl is as hot for me as I was for her.

I’m not a patient guy who’s prepared to wait for a woman to be ready to make me part of her life but maybe I should be.

I find jenisyz attractive cos she plays hard to get but she still throws me bones of affection with her sweet smiles and kind words every now and then.

Her sister asked if I was married.

I told her I wasn’t.

I didn’t tell her I was engaged.

Maybe i should have.

If my fiance isn’t willing to advertise our relationship online why should I be.

Unlike her i didn’t used to care if others know we have a relationship but it wasn’t a burden before cos there was no chance of anything happening between another girl and I until now.

Maybe there still isn’t a chance.

Call me cold hearted if you must but I like to make myself available for future options.

You know you’ve got it bad for someone when every little thing you see reminds you of them.

A maccas cup reminds me of her perfect lips sipping frozen coke on the train to morayfield.

I feel like the old man crushing on lolita.

Her sister preshyz said i look younger than my age.

Jenisyz said that was embarrassing when I was about to board the wrong train.

It wasn’t actually the wrong train but it wasn’t the one my friends were intending to travel on.

I thought Hannah was her cos they were both wearing hoodies with grey on them even though hannas was all grey and jenisyz’s was grey and blue.

We sat down at the tafe college and then we realized we were in the wrong place.

We went to the courier mail piazza where Reggie dabs will be speaking in may for isee boom night.

I was getting kinda mad at this chick from isee youth.

Im sure my words sailed completely over her head when I was trying to tell her   that my youth was headed to hungry jacks so we wouldn’t be able to come to her youth hang out time.

She was talking a mile a minute.

I couldn’t get a word in edgeways.

I  saw amanda n sulis aunty from isee Westside but only amanda saw me and we didn’t have time to chat.

Ritah didn’t get to test out the mock criminal court at her uni.

She wants to seek another kind of work before she goes into private practice.

She wants to work with kids facing juvenile detention.

She said Reggie dabs impressed her cos of his ability to articulate the gospel and make it relevant to every day life.

Mum was mad cos the neighbors next door have a noisy mower.

I’m a bit shy to talk to them since they forced dad to cut down his flower hedge.

Sometimes a woman will start off cold before her heart becomes warmer and sometimes she will stay frozen solid for life.

Sinead has to leave the country in July unless she gets a visa before then.

Nate wants to join her in nz.

He doesn’t see that going down too well with his current wife even though their marriage bed is cold as ice.

Jo reckons his wife is ok with him sleeping with someone else.

He has a son named Jackson.

I don’t buy caged or barn raised eggs because the chickens have a horrible life.

They have no room to move and make dust baths and maintain their pecking order and their eggs are greyer than the bright yellow yolk they would naturally have if they lived in freedom like the way we used to keep them.

Mum was staying in Bavaria county.

I know alice well enough to know she wouldn’t like it if I used her photo to win a competition cos she hated the idea the last time I suggested it.

Jenisyz had a go at using a drum kit but she hasn’t played it on stage in front of others.

Because she is part of my life i wasn’t upset by the possibility that sinead and nate had sex after their date.

She was talking about getting morning sickness.

I’m ready to call jenisyz my true love but I know she’s far from being in that place yet.

Maybe one day she will be ready for my love.

I’m not going anywhere but I may be forced eventually to choose between waiting til she’s old enough and leaving the country to marry alice.

I don’t know if it’s over use of computers or my lack of sleep that makes me act dumb.

When I’ve got plenty of sleep i can only blame my brain cells or hunger or tipsyness on those rare occasions when I have more than 2 standard size drinks in one sitting.

I rarely have more than one.

I don’t like to lose control.

I don’t want to wake up with no knowledge of what I did last night.

I don’t want a splitting headache or a vomit stained toilet bowl from overindulgence in libations.

 

 

Skating past her blindly in the night

Why do I find it so hard to let go of those old contacts in my phone even though some of the girls i know don’t ever respond to my texts and hardly ever contacted me through instant messaging when I still had the option of accessing them before they blocked me.

If a woman gives you a gift it makes it harder to let her go.

Every time you look at her gift or wear it or smell it or taste it hear it or touch it your mind will be pulled back to that happy place when the world seemed full of possibility before she knew the despicable behavior you were capable of.

My john flynn almost went flying in the wind today.

Quite appropriate for a banknote bearing the visage of the founder of  the flying doctor’s service.

The mosquito tribes have taken over our backyard.

We can’t step a foot outdoors without the tiny little vampires attempting to drain a pint of blood from us.

I get so paranoid that the woman i love is gonna dump me as a friend.

Why am I ruled by and crippled by fear.

This is why some people convert to Islam out of fear of becoming the next headline in the newspaper for a terrorist victim.

There’s also some stupid women who think western society is pressuring them to take off their clothes all the time.

Wake up and smell the coffee nobody in the west sticks a gun to a woman’s head and commands her to dress a certain way.

If women are forced to cover their faces their identity and personality gets swallowed up behind the veil.

A woman should be able to express herself in public without fear of persecution.

They should be encouraged to have minds of their own and not live like a virtual slave to their husbands.

As long as people are getting executed, crucified, decapitated, tortured,  taxed ,ostracized, stripped of homes and possessions, kidnapped,  made a non citizen, prevented of speaking or acting because of their faith this world can never be free.

If people have no jobs and they are living a hand to mouth existence they are easily tricked by those who promise them endless celestial sex after death and a guarantee of entry into heaven not found in their own scripture.

This guarantee of salvation is only found in Christianity.

I can’t tell if I’m holding onto my relationship because of guilt, fear or simply because I’m lazy.

Or maybe it’s because she’s genuinely good for me.

We don’t always have to get along like a house on fire to love each other.

We do however have to stay hot for each other even when we feel like dropping off the planet from tiredness.

We can do this by thinking of the positive contributions we have made to each other’s lives and concentrating our energy on the areas of those we love which tickle our fancy the most often.

It may also help to consider the things our partner has taught us spiritually.

In ignorance sometimes we talk about issues we haven’t bothered to research cos we are seldom likely to experience them.

Ditto for books we haven’t bothered to crack open but scribble down a mental cliff notes version based on the rave or scathing reviews of our friends.

If you hardly ever go anywhere or do anything it’s quite easy to get bored out of your gourd.

I wish I had a time machine so I can unsay and undo all the stupid and cruel things i did and said to girls.

I told my friends my boss is looking to hire new staff.

It would be awesome if I ended up working with them.

I was going to pass on his contacts to another lady who is also my friend but she got an interview for another job which scuppered my opportunity to tell her.

For the cheap price of  $600 dad is getting a guy with speaking problems to cut his flowers in order to keep the neighbors off his back.

Some girls look so cute it’s like they’re little baby dolls with movable parts ,optional accessories and minds of their own  ( unlike the plastic kind which hasn’t quite mastered a. I yet.

I respect a woman who stands up against the exploitation of her body by the media or others.

Some guys ask or force girls to kiss them or have sex with them as a birthday present.

That kind of behavior physically repulses and disgusts me.

It’s funny how people prolong their ancient hatreds and grudges even thousands of years later.

People forget why their countries were fighting but they still carry on doing it just for the sake of it.

I know the woman i love is capable of great humor and intelligence.

She also has more than her fair share of heavenly wisdom.

It’s funny how you can notice some women straight away and fall in love then your mind blocks out all other thoughts but her alone and everyone else in the room becomes insignificant blurry shadows.

I want her to know that she will always be in the drivers seat in our relationship unless she grants me permission to make a decision re our future together.

She is so perfectly shaped and crafted it’s like she stepped out the pages of the best storybook I never read.

I want to know her history.

Right now i just know she’s been through pain and I wish I could fix it so she never has to blame herself for the problems of her parents.

Dad wouldn’t like it that I’m crushing on a girl half my age but there isn’t even an us yet so he doesn’t have to stress about her and i being an item even if we were it wouldn’t be a problem cos she has good morals, heaps of self control and I have no opportunity to let my desire for her take over my brain to the point where I cross the line.

I’m hoping by the time she’s ready for a relationship i will be in a secure enough financial position to look after her for the rest of our lives together.

It’s crazy to have such a strong desire for a girl i hardly know.

Maybe it’s her mystery that makes her so intriguing and sexy.

If she actually belonged to me would i still want her this badly.

I don’t want to have impure thoughts towards her until we get to date each other.

That’s probably a few years down the road if we ever get to that point assuming some other brother doesn’t snap her up before then.

I thought she was cute before but now desire for her has completely swamped me.

She is in my heart and head 24/7.

I know I’m not exactly faithful.

There’s too many beautiful woman sharing their pictures .

I find it hard to stop myself even though I know i have a choice.

I may be occasionally oppressed by demons but I’m not completely controlled by them.

I still have some degree of will power.

Even if it’s an extremely small amount as evidenced by the fact that i burn the midnight oil on social media from dusk to dawn ( almost ) when I should be busy sleeping allowing my body to recharge its batteries and recover from the busy events of the day.

It’s a lot easier to succumb to temptation if I am tired.

The voice of reason God has placed within me becomes dulled.

I forget to use the door of escape God has always made available to me.

I used to care about people getting the message behind the music now i just want to entertain them.

It’s funny how the girls who act like snobby princesses can be the down to earth ones i.r.l and the approachable ones are sometimes the ones that  are standoffish and keeping their distance from the opposite sex cos they bought the hyperbolic feminist lie that all guys want to treat women like meat or toilet paper and toss them out when they’re done with them.

It might be a good move to wait for a particular woman to come around to the possibility of my suitability as a partner.

But I could die before she’s ready for me to be hers.

It’s cool when you sing a song just before you hear it on the radio.

Almost prophetic even.

I love it when she answers on my behalf.

She’s like my back up brain when my regular brain has gone on a permanent vacation or is simply napping or out to lunch.

It’s good to see chicks dressing modestly and decently.

It gives me hope for the future.

If I protest with my wallet against all the evil companies that use good artists like puppets I would probably never buy a cd from a major label artist again which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.

It makes me sick that people say they are doing free worship when they are really sticking to a script and only allowing the Holy Spirit to move inside the tiny little cracks they allot to Him between formulaic chunks of sonic cheese.

People don’t always know they are worshipping something.

Few people would pray to their cheeseburger to heal their broken relationship but plenty of people make their belly their god.

I want my woman to be the main attraction and my major focus not a side piece or supporting actress.

I want her to support me but I don’t wanna force her to share loves lime light with anyone else.

My friend taga is a fan of princes song purple rain.

Sineads daughter knows all of 1999 off by heart.

I feel sorry for the people of Romania who are banned from euro vision due to unpaid debts.

They should just start their own comp called global vision and make them irrelevant.

Most of our current crop of tv talent shows is just euro vision on a smaller scale.

Nate lent ministry of sound to sinead.

She doesn’t like techno.

I can see the most convicting sermons are those which point to our need to change our ways before God accepts us into His heavenly home.

Believe it or not this doesn’t happen in every sermon these days.

It’s hard to know if it’s the exception or the rule.

I need to retrain my brain not to swear inside my head.

It’s easy for me not to do it out loud.

We have to be careful not to include all of the church in our spotlighting of its evil.

Yes there is such a thing as identificational repentance but dragging the past up all the time doesn’t help us construct a healthy future.

It’s funny how kids who live in the streets don’t always advertise.

They could be dressed to the nines and you wouldn’t know they spent last night sleeping under a bridge scared they might get jacked, raped or stabbed.

I want to be able to make tracks that are of the same sound quality as the ones I hear on the tv and radio.

The best way to make a difference in the African American community isn’t to hate on cops or euros but by encouraging your own community and everyone else to be fubu.

During the time of segregation people were fubu by necessity but now they’ve got a choice they either exercise their right to distance themselves from their culture in their purchasing decisions or they neglect to build bridges between cultures by becoming more insular and bubble like.

As christians we are called to be fubu for the kingdom.

There’s plenty of us in the world so there’s no excuse why Christian albums shouldn’t be soaring up the charts or Christian movies shouldn’t be smashing records at the box office.

Of course some cinemas have had to suffer protests and ugly court battles for simply showing movies that only show straight couples.

So we may not always get the opportunity to get to see every movie ever made if studios are forced to squish them before the production or release date.

We do need to know history but we can share it without pointing the finger if we just stick to spitting tracks.

Does it really need to be said that not all mixtapes are free?

I made one for my friend a couple of times but didn’t give them all away.

I want to get along with everyone i meet but it doesn’t help when I’ve got hearing and mental problems and we all have different personalities, junk we’re going through, ancestry and spiritual beliefs.

We can all find common ground on ancestry though if we’re willing to do a bit of digging first.

We can find common ground on religion too if we know the connections between all the belief systems of the world.

I love it when my woman inspires my faith and makes me move closer to God.

That’s why I know she’s good for me.

That’s why I want her to be a constant part of my life.

I know I need to be more committed to the woman i love.

Just because I don’t hear from her every day it doesn’t mean i can use it as an excuse to cut her out of my life.

When she doesn’t talk to me i just use that time to think about how much she means to me.

I thank God for the blessing of her love.

I practice what I’m gonna say to her when I see her again.

At least I can see her online anytime i like.

Boys should use boys toilets and vice versa regardless of what gender they think they are,  because little kids specifically little girls have been exposed to male genitalia.

They will now be traumatized for life and those in authority in America in the education and government system are protecting the rights of criminals instead of the innocent.

Lord protect your precious little ones.

Let them relieve themselves without fearing for their lives due to risk of rape, molestation or being coerced into a life of perversion.

Let our country not lose its foundation of holiness.

Don’t let anyone control your thoughts by intimidating you into silence through citing a case for intolerance or bias.

Everyone is biased and prejudiced.

As christians we just love what God loves and hate what He hates re actions never people. Don’t get it twisted. 😁

🐓

Fragile friendship

When I start a new friendship with a girl i am walking on eggshells a little bit.

I’m constantly afraid of losing her because of my track record in the past of pushing beautiful women away by wanting to know all their secrets.

I don’t care what she wears or who she hangs out with as long as she’s willing to spend a little time with me at least once a week unless something comes up which she can’t avoid.

Right now we don’t have to make excuses to see each other cos youth group makes it possible for us to do it every week.

She doesn’t have a loud voice but it’s just the right volume for me.

What is this power God gave a woman to completely take over a boys brain and make it melt into a little puddle at her perfectly manicured feet?

I am always worried about my inadequacy considering the threat of competition from other eligible bachelors.

I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

I’m stunned and amazed that a lady as gorgeous as her would want to be friends with someone like me.

I hope it won’t bother her when she finds out i don’t drive,  cook or know how to fix anything that gets broken around the house.

Hopefully we can combine our creative abilities together to make something magical and beautiful.

I  hope I am capable of giving her a baby and being a good husband to her someday.

That’s way further down the track from where we’re at right now.

We have only just started to get to know one another so I won’t be too hasty and declare my love for her in the first week apart from in this secret place which noone bothers to check out.

Honestly I’m dying to tell the world about her but there’s not a whole lot to tell re our relationship just yet.

Still I’m happy to shout from the rooftops and write her name plus i love you across the sky cos something tells me she’s a keeper worth fighting hard to keep in my life.

I have got to stop myself from moving too fast with her.

I feel there’s definitely a connection there but I still have to explore whether the smiles she throws me from across the room mean more than just a natural expression of her God given friendly nature and magnetic personality.

I’m not ready or willing to cut off my old relationship until I know she feels the same way about me as I do about her.

The way she’s got me going the heart in my chest won’t stop beating at a million miles an hour.

She stirs me up something chronic.

I love her more now i know her name.

Before it was easy to dismiss her from my mind now she has completely taken over my brain.

My workmates can do what they like.

I don’t care as long as she’s part of my life.

Even if we die just friends I’m happy to have the privilege to know her just a little bit but I want to be so much more than friends with her and give her the best of my love for the rest of my days my heart will be set ablaze by her mesmerizing tequila eyes.

I wonder if she has ever read the book named after her.

I’m sure she has heard most of it already.

It’s deeply embedded in the brain cells of most of us church going kids.

I would do she loves me she loves me not with flower petals if such an act would yield the slightest clue about the contents of her mind and heart.

Her voice is sweeter than ice cream.

Watching her is more entertaining than television.

When she’s sitting next to me with a full hand of cards it’s hard to believe i could ever love anyone else and the only thing that would make it more perfect was if her finger wore my ring.

 

Funny how a few hours with godly people can totally help you gain perspective

I wish I could take my friends with me everywhere i go.

That way i wouldn’t have to think about all the trash people talk and my stupid feelings for girls who don’t love me cos I would be surrounded by people who like me for me who I can be myself with and be a Christian with.

It’s hard when you see someone who has always been strong and in control who has always been the one you turn to when you have problems suddenly become weak as a baby kitten.

🐱

It really hits you for 6 when tragedy happens in your family and you have no control over the present or future.

You wish you could turn the clock back to happier times when the one you always looked up to, the one you always wanted to be like was still a mighty pillar of strength.

If you are a weak person like me it’s really disturbing to see the one who inspires you and fights your battles become a shadow of their former self.

We are coming to a time in history when it’s even harder than ever to be a Christian.

Be strong my friends.

This world is coming to an end.

When it does we want to be on God’s team to avoid being thrown into the lake of fire

🌋it will be heaps worse than that

Dealing with the cold hard cheesy truth

Just because someone is dating someone doesn’t mean they’re going to marry them.

It does bring them one step closer to wedding bells and altars though.

Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that my work place crush now has a man.

I just wish she wouldn’t flirt with him in front of me.

I wish I’d never asked her out.

Sometimes it’s better to not know rather than suffer through rejection that’s right up in your face every day.

She still talks to me about how smart her kid is.

Even though when she does this she is inadvertently planting false hope by making me think if she opens up to me that she wants to be with me outside of office hours I’m sure i would prefer it to the alternative of being frozen out which she also may have a tendency to do but I’m also a mutterer and under breath mumbler.

If you get too close to some girls they want to slowly grill you over a hot flame.

Some girls won’t even let you sit next to them without kicking up a stink.

When she does i jump straight to she must like me instead of she wants to sit next to her bud and you just happen to be occupying the seat next to them.

I probably wouldn’t assume she liked me if I didn’t find her attractive.

I don’t mind how much a woman weighs as long as she’s got a massive heart for Jesus and those who suffer in the world.

I can understand why i got beaten out by a guy who cooks and drives but surely being married to someone else is a deal breaker.

He has kids too.

I can only imagine how traumatized and self blaming they must be right now.

If he says he loves his boys he should stick around and watch them grow up which he can’t do if he’s messing around with another woman either behind his wife’s back or in front of her face.

I hate hypocrites who say they are good and know God who destroy the lives of their children through their selfish actions.

I know I need to keep my feelings and emotions in check.

It’s hard not knowing all the details but being aware of just enough information to make my head steamed.

At least they manage to keep their hands off each other at work.

I think the real thing that upsets me is my own inability to hold down a relationship with her when I stood a chance.

I would have said something really erotic to her if I knew that’s what she was into.

I was raised to detest that kind of smutty talk though so whenever I do it i feel guilty as if I need to get my mouth washed out with soap.

She didn’t apologize for swearing today so I think she’s beyond the point of caring what i think about anything.

She said she loves techno then she says she hates it.

Shes too schizophrenic for me to keep up with her.

She’s his problem not mine.

I just wish she’d get out of my life.

I wish they both would.

She acts like her brain is made of pudding sometimes but she can also be extremely hilarious.

She has moments when she exhibits high moral standards and other times when she seems completely debased and devoid of deductive reasoning.

Seems like all the chicks that want me are too young, they live overseas or they speak in a foreign tongue.

If I tell my kids not to poke their ears with anything bigger than a fist do you think they will listen to me or ignore me and call me old stupid man who doesn’t know what he’s saying until they too wake up with a pain in their ears that has no cure and makes no sense.

I need to let go of my right to claim a woman who doesn’t belong to me and concentrate my efforts on the one I’ve got before she isn’t mine anymore.

Today she said she needs someone who’s on the same page as her.

She needs to read the pages of the bible.

As a matter of fact so do I,  I haven’t done so in a while.

The thing about being a side chick is you can never hold your head up in the sun.

Why does my boss tell people at work to tell me what to do when I’ve been there longer than them.

It’s so insulting it makes me vomit with rage.

I think he assumes all people with aspergers or autism are stupid.

Doesn’t he know there was an African English dude who can fly over a city see it once then make a map of it from his photographic memory.

I don’t have a photographic memory but my point is some people refuse or ignorantly fail to see the potential of those of us with mental issues.

At least i know she’s not wary of me cos of my mental illness unlike my friend in fiji who was warned by her cousin to stay away from me cos I have a reputation for latching onto pretty women.

I can attract a woman’s initial interest.

That’s the easy part.

For me the hardest part is maintaining it for the duration of a lifetime.

To be honest i don’t know why I bother sometimes.

I get sick of waiting for my fiance to say she is ready for me to come visit her but I have too much emotionally invested in our future together to give up on her altogether.

We have lots of reasons to be happy about each other.

For starters i can be brutally honest with her and she doesn’t run away.

She doesn’t demand that I give her things.

In fact she demanded i don’t until she eventually accepted that we are meant to be together for life.

When I try to toss her away i realize pretty much while I’m doing it how pointless and meaningless my existence is without her in my life.

I tease her when she says lah at the end of her sentences cos she sounds like a Singaporean smurf but secretly I think it’s sweet and cute.

If you see a guy blow up in his women’s face you always wonder when he’s gonna explode again like a time delayed bomb with the clock face covered.

I wonder why women make excuses for guys when they hurt them, bruise them and make them weep.

It’s easy for me to get on my high horse when I just cause my woman mental and emotional pain instead of physical pain.

Of course I will be causing her pain when she coproduces our kid with the help of Jesus and I but that agony is intermingled with the joy of seeing a little teeny human who looks just like us.

I can be absent minded sometimes.

I left milk in the garage then came back hours later.

I was amazed it hadn’t gotten sour.

Sometimes people are talking to me and I blank out.

My head goes wandering off somewhere while I’m wide awake.

It’s funny how some women will pretend to be independent but they secretly crave the company of men.

I’m not saying they all do.

But those who don’t once did.

Something happened to break their trust and lock up their hearts away from the gender God intended them to be with.