Obsessions

So I have this habit of falling fast and deep in lust when it comes to girls. I can’t call it love unless they belong to me and I’m prepared to make a commitment.

I don’t know why I find it so difficult to stay focused on and remain faithful to just one girl.

When I wasn’t in a commited relationship being a player was more of a joke than a serious issue.

It doesn’t help that music videos basically taught me that being surrounded by a bevy of delectable beauties is the norm though in real life it’s more likely to be the exception rather than the rule.

I did struggle to talk to women i find attractive.

It’s gotten easier since I technically belong to someone else so I no longer have the mindset of a wolf hunting for prey or a fisherman trying to land his prize catch.

To me if a woman is wearing a ring on her finger that means hands off.

Warning bells start ringing in my mind saying you are treading on dangerous ground if you mess with this woman.

I don’t want to steal another mans woman cos I know what it’s like to have my heart broken though I’ve never been betrayed by a woman she just put her family above me and she couldn’t cope with the pressure of long distance.

Truthfully it was doing both of our heads in but I wasn’t the one who pulled the plug on the bathtub of love. 😘

I couldn’t convince her that our love was worth holding onto.

Though I cried in bed for days and imagined her voice in a semihallucinogenic state whispering sweet nothings in my ear i did eventually realize she had made the right decision for the both of us.

We couldn’t carry on lying to ourselves that it was all gonna work out in the end.

I should have seen the signs of our destruction coming each time I embarrassed her in public by making reference to the fact she was my girlfriend.

I was just so proud as punch that she was part of my life that I couldn’t stop a river of words from pouring out my mouth whenever I was with her.

I know our relationship had jumped the shark when I asked her dad’s permission to propose to her over breakfast.

He probably had an axe to grind against me ever since he called her and asked my opinion of her and i simply said she’s cool.

I felt weird telling her dad she was the hottest thing since man rubbed 2 sticks together and created fire.

I miss reading song of solomons with her over breakfast.

Again just like i did for her dad i served scrambled eggs with a tiny bit of shell in it.

I attempted to replicate the bible reading with my current spouse to be on board the brisbane city cat.

The closest I got was to quote a few odd lines as i anxiously looked out the window my eyes darting about like a hunted criminal as i looked for the stops the captain failed to announce to us freeloading passengers on the circular route loop at roma st.

I start out as friends with girls then I get all hot and heavy when they show the minutest amount of affection or appreciation.

Some girls are obviously gagging for it and as desperate as me and others like to have guys show them attention so they tease them and flirt with them til the cows come home but they never have any intention either to reciprocate romantic interest or to commit to an exclusive relationship be it marriage or just a casual hook up that both partners were just too lazy, insecure, comfortable or scared to stick a bullet in its mouth and be done with it.

I’m not one of those people who handles being single well.

If I’m not officially with someone i weep like a willow sapling I get the shakes i refuse the fries i sigh in desperation and desolation not wanting to get out of bed and face the cold cruel world outside my window.

I want to encourage women to love themselves for their personality and skills not just their physical appearance.

It’s hard to convince a woman that gets her greens twerking and working poles stripping and ripping off her clothes exposing her flesh for payola or crayolas that you can offer her something better.

The one thing money can’t buy is self respect.

Maybe you can give it to her maybe she can give it to herself and maybe only God can give it to her.

All i know is cuddling clams won’t keep you warm at night like a godly man can who has stood before the altar and committed to you for life.

Some women see their bodies as a product or a commodity.

They risk stds n damaging their bodies through aborted pregnancies to reach the top of moolah mountain only to find all that fame and riches isn’t worth the thrill of the chase if you feel like a pretender even behind closed doors and you can’t rid yourself of a guilty conscience despite all your friends and the churches talk about God assisting you in picking up the pieces of your shattered dreams after you have fallen from grace.

Once a woman has been used and abused it’s hard for her to trust a guy no matter how candy sweet he is to her.

It takes time to heal those wounds.

Some women take them to their graves and never allow a man to hurt them or desert them again.

They harden their hearts to the possibility of ever loving a man again.

They convince themselves that all men are liars and the only good ones are 6 feet under like my pops says about snakes. 🐍

Remember ladies the snake deceived and thieved both of us of immortality though you definitely copped it worse with pain in pregnancy and we got the long end of the stick by being commanded to toil the soil.

The plus side of that whole nasty fruitgate scenario was that through women comes deliverance for all man and women kind.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it all you fellas who want to keep a woman under the thumb.

God said the seed of the woman would crush the head of the serpent.

The identity of that seed is none other than our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.

I don’t agree with some who call Jesus a mother though He clearly has nurturing aspects in His personality.

He was known to be a friend to women including those rumored to be working as prostitutes or homewreckers caught in adultery.

I hope to emulate His behavior in my own life.

If I ever get the opportunity to meet a woman who despises my culture who is traditionally despised and devalued as a scapegoat for all that is wrong and despicable in the world by my people, who has had a string of unsuccessful marriages and has given up on it as a sacred institution and decided to link up with a bonking buddy instead i hope to respond in love with hopefully a bit of prophetic knowledge about her life thrown in the mix and hold my tongue when she goes off her nut about the supposed or actual sins or discriminatory practices of my people against hers.

When Jesus spoke it was never wishy-washy.

There was always a clear line drawn in the sand of His speech between good and evil.

No self respecting son these days would call his mother woman to her face or even behind her back but when Jesus did it wasn’t in a harsh tone but a loving one.

It’s easy to forget that as both God and man He was simultaneously both above and below the authority of His mother.

Even the creator of the universe Himself did not consider it too lowly a task to sweep the wood shavings off the shop floor or get the party started when His dear vessel for entrance to this earth requested of Him the first miracle that echoed His future suffering on the cross by pouring out His blood like rivers of living water to quench our thirst for everything not of Him and allow Him to be our total satisfaction.

The way i am I have to completely debase and detach myself from the way i was raised before I realize how much I need it to remain a part of me until that blessed day arrives when I either meet Christ in the skies with the uprising dead or get instantly transported to my heavenly home.

I have often wondered if heaven has a heirachy other than the obvious one of God, us then the angels.

I guess we will all find out when we get there won’t we assuming we all do and sorry Hollywood it’s not an automatic guarantee that comes with being born.

God doesn’t have grandchildren nor does He favor one culture over another.

He loves all forms of worship even the one that makes you turn up your nose and say either i can’t believe anyone would listen to that junk or well ladies and gentlemen i think we just stumbled across the soundtrack of hell.

If you are seeking the purpose of your existence look no further.

Call off the search!

We were made to worship God both in every tribal tongue, language, dialect or accent and in everything we do in life.

That is how we live out the command of praying without ceasing.

Your life can be a prayer to Jesus.

Don’t stress about getting the words right.

Just point your prayers in the right direction and they are guaranteed to be effective.

Just be prepared to have your prayers answered in a way you don’t expect and push through hurts and disappointment when everything inside you screams God why didn’t you change this situation for me.

Little do we know the ways He is moving behind the scenes to change people and circumstances into a greater reflection of His glory and remove the stink of sulphur from our present, future and past.

We must embrace societal change only if it doesn’t conflict with the moral values of our God who raised us to be mirrors of His pure loving perfect sinless heart.

When a miracle seems impossible remember the king we serve doesn’t believe in i can’t.  😂

We are coming to a time when we will be forced more than ever before to examine ourselves and know for sure exactly what we believe and whether it’s worth dying for or if it’s negotiable and possible to reach a compromise on without feeling like a traitor to the God who breathed this world to life who exists beyond and only inside those who have surrendered the controls of their destiny to Him.

I know I couldn’t live with a version of myself that defies and denies the word of and truth of the existence of God.

I know the proof of this lies in my ability to live out the truth i claim to believe in.

Christ is more than just a social club for me but how often do i treat Him like an entry ticket into conversation to gain favors for myself in Christian circles and how rarely do i stand up for Him in a firm yet loving manner when I encounter opposition to my beliefs.

Can I safely assume that everyone who doesn’t clutter the pews on Sunday morn or eve is tuning in for their weekly dose of godliness via television, radio stations , daily devotional publications or the odd verse or preachers column inserted in the odd newspaper or magazine.

It’s funny how the language we use around chrustianese or church talk has changed down through the decades.

Being preachy is seen even in some Christian circles as a dubious activity particularly in regards to those brave soldiers of the cross that stand on street corners in roaring traffic or spitting , teeth gnashing opposition in all weather plowing on undeterred by and not dictatable to by the fashion conscious rewritters of gospel truth or relativistic anythinggoesexceptthetruth types who would suck cyanide out of a lemon segment rather than admit Christ might have been onto something golden they could hold onto in calm waters or crises brewing events.

I do not apologize for the fact that I’m an apologist for the cross though my skills of self expression leave a lot to be desired and I have to train myself to adapt my approach to different situations and walk away when fury is the only road the 2 of us will walk together.

Even if i don’t know your name and your mind is left with the impression of skinning me alive over a hot flame all hope is not lost.

God knows everything about you even that secret identity your parents or schoolmates don’t know about cos you keep it locked deep inside yourself.

And yes He can reveal the truth about you to me just as He is able to tell you all my dirty little secrets if it suits His purpose to bring us closer to the cross.

There is knowledge hidden from us as humans both for our own protection and its usefulness in this current form on earth.

E.g most of us don’t travel from one country to another using only the power of prayer and not moving a single muscle.

God has given people that ability in limited dosages though and He can do it for you just as He can ressurect your dead cat or grandma to prove He is real if He wants to.

If you doubt it ask yourself how we got here and the answer will always be Him

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