Credible alternatives to an incredible mind numbing loss in my life

She told me she doesn’t like horror movies but she chose to watch them with her friends.

She’s a fan of jurassic park and white collar blue.

She doesn’t like dogs which might have been an issue once but isn’t now since mine is dead and she’s long gone.

She prefers to live in the Solomon Islands to Australia.

She doesn’t think people are as friendly over here.

My pakeha new Zealand friend said the same thing about his country.

I don’t know what i can do or say to get her to come back again.

I haven’t put in much of an effort during the whole entire course of our relationship.

I’m a real slackbutt so I’m not surprised that she left me in the end just that her departure from my life didn’t come sooner than we did.

We had a good run.

She was bound to put her foot down and crush my head like the slimy snake i am eventually.

I probably shouldn’t have told her I dated African ladies.

She might have been wondering if I value her color more than her personality.

That wasn’t entirely true but it was a major drawcard in my initial attraction to her.

I wasn’t sure if I should step in and break into a conversation in the boat museum when it looked like one of the workers was clumsily hitting on her by asking all these questions about her country like he was grilling her for a research project.

I embarrassed her that day cos I was having trouble finding my disability card.

I put my bag on the concrete and took things out of it to no avail.

They took my word for it and let me in for the cheaper price.

I’m not sure if alice liked the audio commentary but she did appreciate seeing boats from her country.

She also approved of the cartoon we watched about captain cooks interactions with the maoris in atearoa.

We saw different stories unfolding simultaneously on different parts of the screen.

This was at Queensland art gallery the last day i saw her face to face.

I didn’t know then I was going to nail the final coffin into our relationship a mere 7 months later.

I didn’t have the will power to deal with her distance from me both physically and emotionally.

The last thing I ever bought her was a yo-yo.

It was a good symbol for our relationship.

The last meal we ever shared was sandwiches to go from a caf upstairs at central station.

She didn’t like me to buy her scarves and wouldn’t let me purchase presents for her every time I saw her.

She did let me use my cash for our meals after suli insisted on her eating.

She was reluctant to admit when she was hungry.

She was worried about me spending too much money on her even though I’ve always had more than enough of it except for one Christmas when dad was temporarily unemployed.

She got along famously with mum and dad.

She was scared theyd be strict and mean to her.

She still loves my parents because they didn’t break her heart.

Only i am guilty of that crime of dispassionate neglect.

It’s only once she slowly drifted out of my life that I realized how much in a sweet subtle way she was the glue holding everything together for me emotionally spiritually mentally and physically.

Now I am humpty dumpty and nobody but God or her sweet loving lips can stick me back together again.

I know I could have planned our times together better.

I put too much pressure on making the perfect date and having everything just so when initially she was happy just to hang out at the bus stop and eat sandwiches.

It’s almost tragicomic that we started and finished with a sandwich.

She very sweetly sheltered me under her umbrella when it rained.

She was always more of a giver than a taker.

She was always more disapproving of her hair than her figure.

She was a fairly strict dieter when we weren’t together.

She gets along more with her father than her mother but she lives with neither


Begging pleading weeping and praying doesn’t always get the job done

The first time I met her i almost put her in the too hard basket cos of her reluctance to open up to me and my difficulty understanding her accent but the more I got to know her the easier she became to understand.

It was love at first sight for me but for her it took a little longer to warm to my intense in your face interrogative deep probing intrusive often complex and offensive personality.

I try to dumb myself down when I’m with her cos I don’t know how much she is getting of what I’m saying even though she is older than me so I naturally assume that makes her wiser also but apart from intense prolonged periods of daily exercising her evangelical abilities for almost a year she mostly utilizes her mental faculties for practical every day purposes such as taking care of her pigs and chickens and making sure her bosses business is running smoothly and not falling apart at the seams.

I was scared to interact with her best friend and boss’s daughter cos I found myself crushing on her from the get go and unfairly comparing her to my girlfriend cos she was younger and had a better command of the English language or more boldness to share her skills seeing as she came from a more stable home environment and had confidence presumably instilled in her from birth.

Of course insecure people can also cover their bundle of nerves under a thick layer of boldness which is something I have a tendency to do.

It doesn’t help that I saw her best friend in short boxers the day before she left me forever.

It didn’t matter so much then cos there was more of a guarantee that i would see her again sometime soon in the not too distant future.

Now my stupid message has torpedoed all hope of us ever being together and blown it out of the water.

I feel nothing but suicidal thoughts and despair right now.

Mum thinks I’m depressed cos I feel guilty about masturbation.

I do but that’s not what makes me weep anytime she tells dad she loves him or someone pays me a compliment i feel i don’t deserve.

It’s messed up that you can sing a song about angels and demons or heaven and  hell and get it played on almost any radio station but if you mention God or Jesus only Christian stations will touch it.

In most areas of my life i pin my hopes higher than my ability to deliver but I thought at least with my love life i had everything figured out.

I knew I still had to iron out some kinks in my relationship but things were mostly going along swimmingly.

It’s not that I’m incapable of finding love.

It’s just that I struggle with sticking to loving just one woman particularly when there are so many fine fillies out there.

It’s easy to rationalize my behavior and tell myself I’m only attracted to her holiness and not her hotness.

there’s nothing wrong with this if she actually belongs to me but it becomes a problem if either she or i belong to someone else. 

Writing can be cathartic.

It can be a healing or releasing experience especially when you feel you can’t share your thoughts with anyone out loud apart from your quiet whispers to Jesus in the solitary secret place.

If a woman takes me on board by necessity she will have to fight against the uncertainty that she is more than enough for me and I intend to spend my whole entire lifetime proving that she is.

I didn’t expect her to be my salvation.

I’m not that naive.

I know that role uses shoes only Jesus can fill.

I can’t believe it’s over but I’m forced to deal with the grim nasty horrible reality that it is and it’s all my fault.

I always think the grass is greener on the other side til I reach the other side and realize the green grass was growing all around me and now its brilliant blades ,this milk producing catalyst has been blown all the way to the Solomon Islands.

Now my precious green jade treasure is locked in a cage and buried underground never to be found.

Maybe it has been thrown in a fire or crushed between the hungry munching sharp swords of a starving dragons teeth.

Why do people who deliberately or accidentally misspell or use truncated or mangled grammar get famous while I wallow in the opulent surroundings of my suburban heaven hole.

I could be one hook making ability away from being a famous artist in art or music.

I could easily rest on the laurels of my stillborn daydreams but I refuse to give up on myself that easily.

I should have just recognized the limits of my ability to interact with this American girl as nothing but friendship but I saw the invisible possibility of a wife where none existed.

Not that I mentioned marriage to her but she was a smart enough cookie to put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4 even though I pretended it was 4000.


Dredging up old memories seems to be the only thing that is keeping me going right now.

She was one of those rare women you could talk about love and marriage with on the first day and she wouldn’t run for the hills screaming.

She didn’t want to talk about her past relationships.

She wouldn’t even mention their names though her savvy friends figured out one of mine and used her existence against me or more specifically the words of love i used to describe her body parts.

I am shameless and bold in my affection.

I have no reason or motivation to cringe and hide my head in a bush.

She is so different from my past relationship who kept asking me to actively promote our relationship or maybe just herself through sharing her pictures.

I guess she figured out i tend to attract more haters than fans with my volatile vitriolic and sometimes godly posts which could potentially taint her market value by association with me.

I started getting fearful for the future of our relationship once I knew she was one of those people that has to fly in and out of the country all the time.

Once I had gotten over this fear i had to deal with the far worse reality of her not being legally allowed back into the country.

By that time i had already allowed her access to parts of myself that none of my exes were allowed to touch even in the privacy of her own domicile where none of her family members were home to distract us from our secret love making business and only God’s eyes were looking down on us in shame at our dirty minded behavior.

My words may be like swords of truth that cut through people’s bones into their flesh.

I get no sadistic pleasure from hurting and offending people merely from being a part with my small beacon of light in the proliferation of the truth slicing ribbons of hope through the darkness.

Perhaps my motivation may be confused as my desire to make money is mixed with my desire to use my skills for ministry.

These motivations aren’t by necessity mutually exclusive they can become complimentary to each other.

Dc talk was known to say is this one for the people or is this one for the Lord

Well maybe it’s both cos we all need Jesus in our hearts.

Marketing ministry is just a tool to get truth into minds and hearts that little bit faster.

It doesn’t have to be a cold cynical mechanical profit orientated thing.


I should warn any women potentially seeking a relationship with me that if you don’t want me to call you sexy lips on public posts you have to tell me cause I’m thick as a brick and I’m not gonna figure something like that out by myself.

I don’t want to make my parents mad at me.

It seems like a seesaw.

I can’t make them both pleased with me simultaneously.

One will always be happy and the other cranky unless I become some mindless robot with no will of my own that just does every seemingly pointless task required for me to complete and never answers back because I don’t have the cognitive function to generate an adequate response.

I hope my future kids don’t treat me the way i treat, my parents currently.

Epitaph for a relationship

we may deceive ourselves that God is speaking to us when it may just be our own fleshly desires urging us to break loose from a relationship. 

I have all these useless memories inside my head yet if I eternal sunshine of the spotless mind them i will probably end up missing them.

Perhaps they are only useful to give others hope that it’s possible to have everlasting love with all its roller coaster ups and downs if only you have the skills to maintain it.

Ignorance caused our relationship to thrive.

The less we knew about each other the more charmed enchanted and fascinated we were by one another.

I used to tell myself i would never be one of those guys who breaks hearts and causes ladies pain but look at me now.

I used to laugh and shrug it off when people invoked curses on my life calling me player cos I acted girl crazy and love lust hungry thirsty around delectable yet never select me able members of the opposite sex.

Like they knew the truth-my teenage years were spent in the shadowlands watching others have the time of their lives while I carefully observed them behind the pages of my books and hastily scribbled down diary like poems weighed heavy with the sorrow of my heart and my inability to interact with the beautiful people, the chosen ones, those special salamanders adorning the shelf of every window in the nostalgic town of my imagination swinging constantly like a pendulum between innocence and corruption.

And yes I see the world in black and white not shades of grey so their distinction has always been extremely clear cut for me even though I myself am a container for little bits from both camps.

Why risk embarrassment in a shopping center if when promising her that you will love and cherish her for the rest of your life you only mean it for that split second moment and then regret its implications once you realize you lack the tools to implement your heart’s intentions for the long term project of cradle to the grave style adoration of her holy heart.

Most people don’t let their eyes go wandering once a girl has decided to say yes to them.

Most guys don’t put their girlfriend or fiance through hell sporadically picking up her heart and dropping it again like an indecisive mall hopping dress hunter who is ever visualizing a more stimulating item of apparel than the one she is currently holding though it may in fact be a flat out lie.

Trust maintenance is always an issue with long distance relationships.

It’s also a factor when we expose our entire lives online via social networking sites.

Unless we set it up otherwise everything we post on our page and everything others post on our page can be seen by all our friends and potentially the whole universe.

This can be scary or comforting knowing someone somewhere other than God friends and family hears my hurts and can relate to my moments of joy and pain.

Why do we want the world to notice us.

Isn’t the attention of one person enough for us.

If that persons attention brings us love completion and fulfilment that statement just might ring true for you.

My desire for fame never superseded my desire for the simple intoxicating joys wrought by her tenderness and affection.

I keep on wondering if it’s too late for us or if she will allow this wandering heart to be clutched again in her firm grasp instead of being crucified by regret.

The threat of betrayal hangs over the head of our relationship.

Her past and her fears became the present reality that brought tragedy and tears to the pair of eyes we share crafted by divine design by a master craftsman whose hands never formed our own in order to inflict such hurt as we do with them and our wicked righteous tongues.

I never thought I’d get this far and fall this hard or drown this fast.

In the early days she showed appreciation when our love had a more dream like tone and quality.

I was always better off chopped up in pieces than attached to somebody.

I only ever cause pain and disharmony to the woman who decides to link her heart and life combining and mingling them with mine.

We were a trinity of love with God at the center of our being guiding us.

Did we drift further away from Him the deeper we became submerged in the ocean of each other’s arms.

As believers we wrestle with having an obsessive possessive love for our woman vs giving God the worship we find ourselves being compelled to offer her in sheer adoration born gratitude at the fact that she would ever bother to choose the likes of dirty dog us to spend the rest of her living days with.

My gut told me admitting I had my eyes on another across the ocean would mean sticking a bullet through the tattered remains of that beautiful mysterious creature known as us.

It’s not just that we merely functioned best when nobody else was watching we almost completely ceased to exist when any face unobscured by the dim halflight of train stations and stadium audience detracting glow was.

The garden was our secret little romantic hiding place.

It was there that we flourished best.

I was always torn between my desire to observe the beauty of the flowers and my overwhelming compulsion to snog her brains out.


I want to make the kind of words u want inked on ur skin that makes the world wake up and pay attention to where it’s heading spiritually

I will probably die with unresolved conflicts still lingering in my mind but I will leave this world with a smile on my face.

It’s not enough to make people feel good about themselves.

We need to lead them to the cross of Christ.

This life is just a small drop in the ocean of eternity.

There’s no excuse for Christian publications to use profanity.

You can establish mood and context without stooping to the gutter level of those who are foul mouthed lacking or lazily refusing to use a more intelligent form of creative expression.

Maybe I traded one sister for another emotionally so it doesn’t matter if the sister i previously had a crush on rejects me and cuts me out of her life cos her sister was always better for me anyway.

I wasn’t intentionally freezing out this store assistant.

She was concentrating hard on adjusting dresses on coat hangers.

If I was a store assistant i would just say it’s a secret if I was wearing clothes that didn’t belong to the store.

Your words can have an impact without swearing.

Some people are so used to foul language they are practically immune to it so you are actually more likely to get them to sit up and take notice if you don’t need your mouth washed out with soap every time you unzip your lips.

I do recognize my hypocrisy in criticizing others for using words i occasionally find in albums and books i buy but I don’t intentionally seek out that kind of talk.

These days music, movies and tv shows are inconsistent in making viewers or listeners aware of the presence of cuss words.

Here’s a handy hint for viewing and listening purchases if it’s got cussing it aint worth discussing and if you don’t want it coming out your mouth don’t stick it in your eyes and ears in the first place.

It’s better to have a life before you become a professional artist otherwise you will be robbed of the experience outside of fame necessary for handling its pressure.

A Muslim iman in Australia has become a homosexual.

In other words he is no longer a Muslim as islam preaches against homosexuality.

Christianity is only restrictive for those who don’t appreciate the freedom that comes from living within God’s clearly defined boundaries.

They are no longer oppressive if we choose to dwell within them ourselves instead of living within an environment when we get our faith forced on us.

Some celebrity talent show judges are clearly picked for their looks over their intelligence.

I don’t have a problem with public displays of affection.

Until i met my current i kept my hands above a lady’s waist and away from her chest in public.

I still think that standard is the best as you avoid unnecessary complications of the heart with someone you’re not married to but I hate it when people preach about a life they find themselves unable to live so my lips are sealed on that topic.

This dude in church was drumming drumline style on the table at the evening service in church.

I was going to compliment on his ability to keep up a speedy beat but I kept my mouth shut cos I didn’t know him from adam.

I want my songs to be stuck on people’s lips in this world and beyond the grave.

I want to make Jesus famous.

I want people to know Him personally not just from a distance or abstractly.

He is so much more than just a dude who died on a cross.

For starters He rose from the dead.

When He died on the cross He did it so we could be forgiven for our sins.

In order for Him to be worthy of dying for our sins He had to be the perfect unblemished sacrifice.

It can be good or bad to look back on the past.

It can help us be grateful for where we are in life by reflecting on what God has brought us through.

It can cause a stabbing pain in the heart to reflect on the ones we once loved who have left us behind either cos  of what we are unwilling to compromise on or because we are obliging to the point of having no personality of our own or life outside of our relationship with them.

It can take a while to realize what we each bring to the table as partners.

If we only see ourselves as a wallet or a servant we will never appreciate those simple tranquil moments of just chilling out together with the one we love.

We must value our partners values and opinions and beliefs more than we do the sound of our own voice.

I don’t know how to handle rejection so I try not to reject others.

I choose to pick the battle of teaching christians to be more godly rather than bothering to convert atheists into believers.

It’s not like I haven’t tried and i will never stop caring about the souls of those destined to burn in hell nor will I ever stop praying until my ears receive confirmation of their salvation.

It’s just that most of my interactions with atheists involve them attempting to besmirch my reputation, insult my intelligence or mock my God which I take as the biggest slight of all.

Now I have an office chair but no desk.

This is partially my choice.

Mum and dad have been pressuring me to clean out my desk drawers for about 15 years.

I have kept most of the contents.

I just transferred it to plastic crates.

I think i will toss out most of my posters and start from scratch when we move.

I am happy that I can vacuum the space in my carpet where my desk used to be.

I used to have a couch in my room.

Before that I had a loveseat which I used to maximum advantage when my lady friend came to visit.

This used to be in our upstairs loungeroom in our old house.

The toy bunny I am planning to give away looks like she’s prostrating herself in prayer.

If a toy bunny can pray all day what’s my excuse. ?

I can pray at work cos hardly anyone bothers to talk to the dishwasher.

I am practically a humanized appliance.

I overhear plenty of conversation at work.

I am never intentionally eavesdropping.

I mostly try to sing my way through the day.

Sometimes the things we think noone wants to hear about are the very things they need to hear about.

We may think people don’t want to hear the things they need to hear about but most commonly they do.

We all make assumptions to some degree but we have to realize that concrete facts do exist and they are not interchangeable with opinions or fantasy based on one person’s interpretation of events.

I know my lack of prolonged consistent effort in my love life may lead to its eventual deterioration.

It’s funny how you can work so hard to get someone to love you and then when you’ve had your wicked way with them you fight to find them exciting or interesting.

Guys must have challenges.

We are driven by the need for conquest.

We strain to retain the thrill and maintain it in the aftermath of the chase.

If our women make us feel like they never truly belong to us it always keeps us fighting for their hearts.

I don’t mind if my woman is a skinny binnie or a chubby guts as long as she loves me.

Sometimes violence in response to violence can solve our problems but sometimes it just breeds more violence.

My friend baba luck has a mum in san Francisco.

She has been married 5 times.

He says she is a feminist but she is a magnet for dominating men.

She won’t talk to him on the phone unless he’s read her emails first.

My socks are soggy cos the dew soaked grass leaked through my thongs.

It’s only my past experience of hopeless long distance relationships that stops me from getting involved in another one.

The temptation is strong as i mostly observe beautiful women from afar and rarely get the opportunity to get up close and personal and have an intimate conversation with them.

I know most chicks want a stable guy so I’d better get another job fast.

I don’t know if i can think like a brown girl so my posts get published.

All i can do is give it my best shot.

My room definitely looks more spacious with my desk gone even though I still have to find a place to stash my crates.

It’s probably not a good idea to rank kids in order of importance.

It’s hard to choose what to keep and what to throw away when you are sorting out your room.

Sinead is going to watch nates kids play football.

I saw her daughter but I didn’t speak to her cos the last time I attempted to do so she completely ignored me.

Some ignorant people don’t respect the need for rules and regulations.

They adopt an anything goes attitude to almost everything in life except for others claims on their possessions.

Suddenly that communal relavistic attitude sprouts wings and flies out the window.

We must be careful when giving advice that we don’t create a cult of personality based solely around the font of our own voice wit and wisdom.

It’s very hard when you love a girl and you can’t be with her.

You imagine her diligently studying her books, lying down on the ground staring up at the stars, busting her awesome dance moves, chatting or giggling with her friends,  sweeping up leaves or washing dishes for her mum or dad or drawing an intricate sketch of petals and stem hours after she has seen them with her gorgeous brown monkey puppet sarabi lies draped on her back hanging over my swivel chair.

She looks as if she is fleeing for safety from  an invisible source of danger.

She is screaming in agony while she rests on the poison dipped tip of an indiscriminate arrow head.

I’m going to be more proactive about busking.

I am not intentionally trying to avoid learning to drive.

I tried it once and knew it wasn’t going to be something i was able to handle.

I think God gives some of us an extra measure of endurance so we can handle the pressure and step up to the plate when our responsibilities and difficulties suddenly increase.

I am not good at coping with loss.

Usually I lash out the hardest at those i love the most.

I want to be the guy that is loving and accepting of people.

Sometimes I just want to work on the friendships I’ve got and not bother expanding my horizons by increasing the number of significant individuals i have presently as part of my life.

The best women are those who actively encourage you to do what you love.

That’s why I love preshys so much.

I know she is younger than me but I think her maturity more than adequately makes up for it.

I love her as much for her child like ness as i do for her adult brainy advanced taking care of business and leading the way side.

I wish I had sat next to her in church then maybe I wouldn’t give her sister the creeps.

I don’t know if it’s true to say her sisters true colors were exposed to me cos we weren’t in a normal situation and I barely knew her but I definitely read things into the situation that were never there to begin with.

I was wrong in thinking she was into me but I know in my heart of hearts that my preshys sees me as more than a friend.

We just have our hands tied cos there’s always too many people looking at us at youth for us to truly say what’s on our hearts.

Maybe that’s a good thing for our own protection though cos she’s too young for me to do anything with her legally.

Of course that leaves us lots of wiggle room to sit and dance together in groups and walk as close as possible to each other when we are with other people.

If I said i just love her as a friend I’d be dying with lying lips but I’m letting her make all the moves so I don’t have to feel guilty about anything that happens between us.

My friend baba luck has an Indian friend who sounds like jim Morrison and a pacific islander female friend who sings like my beloved preshys.

He invited me to his gig.

He said I’m going to give you something for free then he gave me flyers to promote himself.

I felt like I had been tricked cos I thought he was going to give me another present like he did last time.

He recorded a new album recently and he has another musical project in the pipeline.

I am not the kind of guy who approves of women’s ass cheeks being squeezed without their permission.

I can’t go back in time and stop that from happening to my mother so the least i can do is try my hardest to stop other women from suffering in angry silence.

I can’t speak to guys about being a player cos I struggle with those issues myself but I can try and teach women to respect themselves and stand up for themselves against evil and oppression.

I don’t mean to contribute to my friends feeling bad about themselves by reminding them of the ill treatment they have received at the hands of others.

I simply want them to know that I care about their welfare and feel sorry for the plight they have been forced to endure in life.

People don’t just stay fat from babyhood through to adulthood by natural means.

Quite often they are teased for being fat while they are still young enough to burn it off in sports then they use food to comfort themselves to bury their tears inside their bulging bellies the same way an alcoholic does with his keg of rum but as they grow older they find they have to push themselves increasingly harder to summon the motivation to exercise as their bodies slow down and they are physically capable of doing much less than they were able to do when they were at the peak condition of their youth.

Make up can make a woman look less old or wrinkly or draw guys attention to the already present natural beauty of her eyes and lips but none of that is really necessary cos women look incredible at any age and an old woman can look just as beautiful as a younger one even if she can never hope to be as marvelous as my darling preshys.

I told myself if you love her you should only have eyes for her.

When I look at others it just makes me appreciate her inner and outer beauty all the more.

I don’t want this country to be flooded with illegal refugees.

We are already struggling to pay our billion dollar debts as a nation.

Charity groups are stretched to the limits to help the boat people we already have who are squeezing money out of the government coffers and forcing them to borrow more from overseas to house and shelter these useless burdens on our economy.

Even if refugees are christians they should still go through the proper channels and apply for visas like my parents had to do when they were in their shoes.

Yes dad had a job and house waiting for him but he still had to start again from the bottom of his company and work his way up to the top again.

It’s hard to stop people from changing their beliefs.

The hindu n Muslim solution to this is to fire from jobs, disown from families, force them to pay unjust taxes, burn down their houses, kill them , jail them or prevent them from leaving the country.

It’s a well documented fact that plenty Muslims cheat on their fast during Ramadan.

I’m sure there’s plenty of christians who cheat on their fast too but as christians we have a different concept of fasting.

If we are fasting food we skip meals for the entire 24 hour period in a day we don’t just wait until the sun goes down.

They say in a home where kids have biological parents or adopted heterosexual parents they are less likely to develop homosexual feelings prior to adolescence.

This process is fast tracked and is a most common result of kids raised in same sex households.

Of course it’s possible for God to redeem anyone.

No one’s life is a closed book until they draw their last breath.

Some people are doubting thomases.

They won’t believe you until they see the evidence for themselves and sometimes they still won’t believe even when they’re holding their own medical certificate that proves Jesus has healed them.

As humans we are naturally stubborn creatures.

I know it’s not a good idea to rush into relationships.

That’s why I want to take things nice and slow with preshys.

I know some people would look at her and only see her cuteness not her sexiness.

I saw both from the start but now I also know she is the owner of a caring and compassionate heart as well.

I hope her sister hasn’t turned her against me.

Im afraid if I speak out my fears they will come true so I will speak positive things instead and say she’s going to love me all the days of my life and I’m gonna get a chance to moisten her incredible lips with my hungry tongue before I die