Epitaph for a relationship

we may deceive ourselves that God is speaking to us when it may just be our own fleshly desires urging us to break loose from a relationship. 

I have all these useless memories inside my head yet if I eternal sunshine of the spotless mind them i will probably end up missing them.

Perhaps they are only useful to give others hope that it’s possible to have everlasting love with all its roller coaster ups and downs if only you have the skills to maintain it.

Ignorance caused our relationship to thrive.

The less we knew about each other the more charmed enchanted and fascinated we were by one another.

I used to tell myself i would never be one of those guys who breaks hearts and causes ladies pain but look at me now.

I used to laugh and shrug it off when people invoked curses on my life calling me player cos I acted girl crazy and love lust hungry thirsty around delectable yet never select me able members of the opposite sex.

Like they knew the truth-my teenage years were spent in the shadowlands watching others have the time of their lives while I carefully observed them behind the pages of my books and hastily scribbled down diary like poems weighed heavy with the sorrow of my heart and my inability to interact with the beautiful people, the chosen ones, those special salamanders adorning the shelf of every window in the nostalgic town of my imagination swinging constantly like a pendulum between innocence and corruption.

And yes I see the world in black and white not shades of grey so their distinction has always been extremely clear cut for me even though I myself am a container for little bits from both camps.

Why risk embarrassment in a shopping center if when promising her that you will love and cherish her for the rest of your life you only mean it for that split second moment and then regret its implications once you realize you lack the tools to implement your heart’s intentions for the long term project of cradle to the grave style adoration of her holy heart.

Most people don’t let their eyes go wandering once a girl has decided to say yes to them.

Most guys don’t put their girlfriend or fiance through hell sporadically picking up her heart and dropping it again like an indecisive mall hopping dress hunter who is ever visualizing a more stimulating item of apparel than the one she is currently holding though it may in fact be a flat out lie.

Trust maintenance is always an issue with long distance relationships.

It’s also a factor when we expose our entire lives online via social networking sites.

Unless we set it up otherwise everything we post on our page and everything others post on our page can be seen by all our friends and potentially the whole universe.

This can be scary or comforting knowing someone somewhere other than God friends and family hears my hurts and can relate to my moments of joy and pain.

Why do we want the world to notice us.

Isn’t the attention of one person enough for us.

If that persons attention brings us love completion and fulfilment that statement just might ring true for you.

My desire for fame never superseded my desire for the simple intoxicating joys wrought by her tenderness and affection.

I keep on wondering if it’s too late for us or if she will allow this wandering heart to be clutched again in her firm grasp instead of being crucified by regret.

The threat of betrayal hangs over the head of our relationship.

Her past and her fears became the present reality that brought tragedy and tears to the pair of eyes we share crafted by divine design by a master craftsman whose hands never formed our own in order to inflict such hurt as we do with them and our wicked righteous tongues.

I never thought I’d get this far and fall this hard or drown this fast.

In the early days she showed appreciation when our love had a more dream like tone and quality.

I was always better off chopped up in pieces than attached to somebody.

I only ever cause pain and disharmony to the woman who decides to link her heart and life combining and mingling them with mine.

We were a trinity of love with God at the center of our being guiding us.

Did we drift further away from Him the deeper we became submerged in the ocean of each other’s arms.

As believers we wrestle with having an obsessive possessive love for our woman vs giving God the worship we find ourselves being compelled to offer her in sheer adoration born gratitude at the fact that she would ever bother to choose the likes of dirty dog us to spend the rest of her living days with.

My gut told me admitting I had my eyes on another across the ocean would mean sticking a bullet through the tattered remains of that beautiful mysterious creature known as us.

It’s not just that we merely functioned best when nobody else was watching we almost completely ceased to exist when any face unobscured by the dim halflight of train stations and stadium audience detracting glow was.

The garden was our secret little romantic hiding place.

It was there that we flourished best.

I was always torn between my desire to observe the beauty of the flowers and my overwhelming compulsion to snog her brains out.



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