When life smashes you in the face or seems to be shaking your outstretched hand

There have been things happen in my life that I didn’t expect for better or for worse.

Some people hold to the superstition that good and bad things come in 3s so if 2 bad things happen they are waiting for the 3rd thing to come along.

I’m sure when I was too young to remember i didn’t expect to be transported in a giant mechanical bird from England to Australia to steal a turn of phrase from my Norwegian friend gunnliek.

I didn’t expect to have the way i pronounce certain English words mocked in the school yard.

I didn’t expect kids to trick me into saying i was h.i.v positive with jokes or suggesting through double entendre that I am a homosexual because I like bananas, peaches and cream.

I didn’t expect to be surveyed on how often I masturbate by a fellow classmate in a Christian school.

I didn’t expect anyone in my school would get caught with a ganja leaf on school premises.

I didn’t expect anyone would accuse me of doing perverted things in public when I was copying mr bean and slipping off my undies without taking off my trousers.

This only works for traditional y fronts not boxers.

I didn’t expect to be accused of going in the girls toilet and taking photos of them when I was misguidedly taking snaps of them as they came out.

This was before I came to the realization that you can’t take someones photo without their permission.

My school chum nandi said if I took her picture i would steal her soul.

I didn’t expect to get told off by my school for taking a bunny toy to my work experience job at pine rivers press cos I saw one of the journalists had tiny toys blutacked to the top of his pc .

He was angry at the Simpsons for mocking his boss rupert murdoch.

My librarian friend ali didn’t expect to see an African American in the white house.

His money was on McCain.

I didn’t expect to fall asleep in Jakarta airport miss the check in for my flight try to get onto the wrong companies plane then burden my Indonesian friend with a missed week of church band practice and force her to accommodate me for an extra day.

She refused to talk to me though she did feed me.

She set me up with an English dvd air force one and made sure I didn’t get compelled to pay bribes to leave the country but she cut ties with me as soon as i was safely home.

I didn’t expect to find happiness with alice nor did I expect i would lose it just over a year later when I couldn’t maintain contentment with her unwillingness to discuss the Holy Spirit.

That was the straw that broke the camels back.

Religion is negotiable for my woman but if she is not open to discussion of anything and everything then it’s inevitable that our thought lives will drift in different directions.

I do primarily go for Christian women just because it saves arguments and God is so much a part of my life that I can’t help Him oozing out my conversation.

I didn’t expect I’d be allowed to pash her on the first date.

I didn’t expect any woman would let me get past second base or that I’d become the kind of guy who doesn’t wait until marriage to travel past first.

I always hoped I’d have more self control than that.

Like my previous ex says you can’t change the past but you can change the future.

I wasn’t expecting to ever love a Chinese, filipino or Solomon Islands lady.

I have been blessed in my love life to know these 3 with the last experiencing the deepest level of intimacy with a woman i have ever known outside of my friendship with my bestie which has always been platonic on her part and a longing for something more on mine.

I knew my friend was a lesbian but I wasn’t expecting her to seduce a married woman and make her leave her husband.

I know technically noone can make you do something you don’t want to do yourself but there is such a thing as manipulation.

When my friend initially started struggling with her sexuality it was triggered by a kiss she intended as a friendly goodbye but her ex took it as an expression of desire.

The trouble was her bigger sister cut her out of her life until it was too late to turn back time save divine intervention and she was molested by her uncle so she wrestles with trusting men which is probably why she has called me sister or would never call me anything other than brother in public even though we did have an awkward sort of romance that was limited exclusively to phone calls, misguided car fumbles and one time only lying on my folks bed waiting for her to give me permission to make the next move.

I couldn’t pretend she was beyonce.

As hot as she is.

It’s not like beyonce is better looking it’s just that I have never been one to make comparisons.

I just take people how they are and try to call out the destiny of who God has called them to be.

I didn’t expect to ever win a color in competition yet alone do it 3 times the best prize being free willy tickets, the next andre and a troll in central park video packs ( andre was free rental ) back when vhs was king.

I didn’t expect my work mate to agree to marry me so she could stay in the country only to find out that I couldn’t sponsor her cos I get a disability pension from the government.

This one i feel especially guilty about because she traded in her Christian faith to follow Sikhism perhaps because she felt like she has to share the religion of the guy she chooses to marry.

I see this as potentially being a bigger problem when kids are involved.

I didn’t expect God would give me the opportunity to travel all around the world.

Well i did dream of going to africa for at least 3 years before I did.

I didn’t expect God would give me the opportunity to smuggle bibles into China as a young kid.

You could get away with it cos the guards only checked one side of your body.

Now they do full body checks at border crossings which is why my feet will never touch Chinese soil again unless God calls me otherwise.

With the land war going on in the south China sea however this situation might change outside my own volition.

I didn’t expect to find out that had my mom chosen an African American serviceman half of me could be a little different.

I didn’t expect a woman would touch my genitalia when I was collecting for charity before I knew why she was saying she had another way to give to me whilst telling me to close the door and sending her cute little dog scurrying into a corner of the room asking questions to soothe my nerves as she touched me up like we were casually sipping lattes at a fine dining establishment.

I didn’t expect to feel my body being pulled down to the floor by the power of the Holy Spirit when I was in church.

I didn’t expect to be screaming and crying with snot dribbling down my face and temporarily losing the ability to say out loud the name of Jesus.

I didn’t expect to get a commendation for my art in Scarborough fair art gallery when I was in high school and feeling gutted for my friend whose far superior and expertly executed photo realistic painting of a possum didn’t even rate a mention in the judges eyes.

I wasn’t expecting to drop from the 7th grade peak of getting extra classroom work cos I was bored out of my gourd to post aspergers diagnosis being forced to attend useless learning support classes.

I wasn’t expecting to ever have to leave this place.

I didn’t want to leave our old house but this is far bigger and better than our old house.

We have been there longer.

Our garden grows better.

We generally speaking have more peaceful and better behaved neighbors.

This is an unfriendly unchristian attitude i admit but I consider good neighbors as being those who keep to themselves.

A mans house is his castle, his own private sanctuary and fortress of solitude.

I like helping people on the street but I couldn’t do what some people do and take them into their own homes.

I believe having our own space allows us to see spending time with others as less of a burden and more of a blessing.

I have heard of entire neighborhoods in America which are by accident or design devoted to a particular religion.

This is happening on a smaller scale in the uk with the influx of Muslim immigrants.

I welcome diversity of religions and cultures as long as they continue to allow me to practice my religion which by necessity and divine unction requires prosletysing to thrive and survive.

I didn’t expect sharia courts would ever be introduced in the uk for Muslims only.

I hope they never come over here.

Even a Muslim lady in the house of Lords has spoken against this.

I didn’t expect my friend would ever have to spend a night in the police lock up for doing a better job of protecting the law than them in Queensland by laying his body across the threshold of a baby butchering business preventing the slaughter of one less precious lamb of God.

I didn’t expect my Christian school would ever be stupid enough to let a book promoting homosexuality slip through the cracks in their class reading curriculum  ( sabotaged post haste once the truth was revealed ).

I didn’t expect a massive outbreak of Holy Spirit experiences at school with young kids getting slain in the spirit and some misguided people mockingly saying they were just faking being out of it to get out of class.

I have never been diagnosed with epilepsy but I have blacked out after wearing a wooly beanie or tuke in the heat of the noon day sun and my head and skin boiling in a billy flesh bag of stinking sweat.

I didn’t expect to get malaria on outreach in png or glandular fever just before the mission school i was support staffing was due to go to stanthorpe.

I wasn’t expecting my kind friend kelly to offer me a job support staffing cos I didn’t bother going for leadership studies cos I suck at exams and retaining short term information.

I didn’t expect another mission school applicant to drop out so I could get the opportunity to complete my basic discipleship studies which I messed up the previous year cos I didn’t complete my assignments.

Have you ever read the case for Christ by lee strobel.?

It’s amazing stuff but definitely a monster to dissect analyze and display aptitude for comprehension of its contents.

I much prefer his fiction work about a televangelist whose fame and faith threaten each other’s existence who is thrown headfirst into a media circus when another pastor at his church begins to experience a massive outbreak of healings at his prayer services.

You may wonder if he used some magical words.

That depends if you consider magic to be illusion or in the same category as miracles verifiable by physical evidence of change in well being or lifestyle.

That’s what makes salvation a miracle.

To rip a little relient k – who i am hates who ive been

Never underestimate my Jesus

He has the power to melt the coldest heart and heal the deepest cut we inflict on our self and others with His love, joy and peace.

The character in the book basically just prayed a blanket prayer for healing .

It wasn’t his specific words but God acting on the faith behind them that made the miracles happen.

I wasn’t expecting God would ever use me to lead another person to Jesus but He did.

My friend and outreach leader was speaking about bullying in png and one of the bullies gave his heart to the Lord.

I didn’t expect to ever be given the opportunity to share my raps in church but once I started i found my hands were shaking less violently and the more frequently i did it the less I stumbled over my words.

It frustrated me that some kids care more about the speed of your rap than the contents of the lyrics.

I didn’t expect to be asked twice in my life to ghost write love letters for shameless dudes once in an email and once handwritten.

The trouble only for me is i struggle to write affectionately about females without catching feelings for them.

I arrogantly never expected to be turned down for a date but the first time I was it made me hesitant to ask again even though I eventually did with a more welcoming candidate for the possible future ownership of my heart.

I didn’t expect to live in a world where the mainstream media celebrates sinful lifestyles of every combination yet largely ignores heaping plaudits on the virtuous unless they prevent victims of disaster or crack an ancient frozen case crime.

I didn’t expect the world Trade Center would burn down or that I would be so temporarily devoid of compassion that I cared more about the interruption to my nightly tv viewing schedule  ( stupid selfish punk kid that I was ).

I didn’t expect i would ever see 2 people of the same gender snogging on prime time television  ( the supposed sacred family viewing hours)

During the leave it to beaver era the biggest controversy on tv was the visible presence of saint john of crapperville.

I didn’t expect to see shorts on girls that are basically a few inches short of being panties.

I didn’t expect anyone would pay good money to have their jeans ripped with holes in the knees.

We used to buy patches to cover up our denim knee windows.

I didn’t expect most of my mission school to be prevented from graduation for drinking alcohol on outreach nor that instead of humbly accepting their punishment they would appeal for clemency to a higher authority getting the decision reversed and setting precedent for future outreaches.

I didn’t expect a perth mission team in India to be allowed to watch movies on the overseas leg of their outreach considering i got in trouble for doing so on a hotel tv with my translator Solomon in Ethiopia.

Ironically we watched the left behind series on that same trip cos it was considered godly viewing.

This was in a shelter for battered women in the mostly Muslim town of dire dawa ( also confusingly pronounced in amharic like we would say dred o wah ).

I didn’t expect most of the American Christian missionaries i met to have bad relationships with their earthly dads which made them struggle to see God as a loving heavenly father mother  ( a problem i am blessed to say i never had ).

People try to pin labels on dads like distant or physically present but mentally or emotionally absent father but focusing on those details doesn’t give enough credits for dads who choose to stay in the picture instead of following the panda principal of parenting  ( eats ,roots and leaves )

🐼

Perhaps my dad didn’t expect God would give him the ability to raise his kids right seeing as he is the product of divorced parents.

I guess that gave him the determination to be a better dad to his kids than his own dad ever knew how to be.

He is adamant he will never make his wife cry like his dad did his mother.

I didn’t expect that we would ever have another dog after the first one died but since the second one died im left desperate for another one.

I didn’t expect i would ever see a cabinet reshuffle or change of leaders rotating heads in my country in my lifetime.

I didn’t expect to ever wash dishes for a living or work for charity.

I didn’t expect God would give me the opportunity to make my first album in brisbane or my first with beats in Uganda with a skilled producer trained in kenya who tried to crack onto my ex.

Yes I have also loved Ugandans, Kenyans and Ethiopians mostly from a distance.

Luganda Ugandans are technically Ethiopians if you go back far enough.

I have loved Congolese n Rwandan girls too and Zambian but I choose to focus on reciprocated love instead of going nowhere fast infatuations stillborn before the dream is allowed to grow wings and flourish or trapped forever in the magical land of if only …what might have been.

😁

I didn’t expect my friend would ever audition for a musical talent show and not win cos she was having a bad voice day.

They did show her temporarily  red haired self on the ad though.

My aforementioned Rwandan friend got on a talent show but didn’t make it past the first gate.

I didn’t expect to cut my hair for 10 years but I only grew it for 5 cos I won a free haircut through 106.5fm a Christian radio station based on the sunshine coast which plays mostly north American Christian music with some clean secular tunes tossed in the mix.

I’m not sure if they would approve of me promoting them in this blog so don’t tell them i sent you.

I got my hair cut by pam from tommy guns at sunshine plaza.

She was long haired tatted n kind of Polynesian looking.

She was a chatterbox like me so we made good company

I wasn’t even concentrating on the rugby game u can watch when they trim ur locks i was too busy yakking.

Good company is like priceless gems

You can’t complain about a bad haircut if it’s free

Blessedly mine was the opposite

Always Expect the unexpected.

 

 

 

😂

 

 

 

 

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