when you insult me i choose to be silent
at first
then i find fury rising up in me
unexpectedly
if id addressed your rudeness would i still be booming after getting ticked to the same degree
God only knows the cause of my hostility
i have no ability to obtain deliverance
from my affliction prior to death sans in temporal intervals
thats when i ride the waves of joy filled oceans
plunged into times mist
copyright minus the cynic 2021 ❤ xoxoxo
rise above the flames with a tamed tongue acquiring taste
for what pleases our messiah and disgust for what dont
not those trapped in the grime of their filthy minds
considering the only crime worth pursuing the definition of one
til the day they become victims of their hedonistic illogic ❤
on sunday i was inspired by a sermon shared by my friend isaac which caused me to consider the way some people in the church have allowed themselves to compromise the gospel by adopting an attitude of avoidance when it comes to tackling a mindset owned by many in the world who consider Jesus as just another god to add to their collection instead of the truth that He is the only way to heaven and its only by having the same commitment a husband makes to his wife at the altar of forsaking all others or other claimants to being deity that we will be accepted into heaven.
when randy speaks of making it your own it challenges me to draw parallels with the manner in which some people these days are going about attempting to adapt christianity and weld it to a perspective of viewing life that dishonors God.
some are trying to frame a homosexual identity or the mythological identity of transgender into the family of Christ.
this can never be done successfully.
others are foolishly opposing the kind of judgement that pleases God not realizing that what they oppose as evil actually reflects the heart of the one they falsely refer to as Lord and friend.
what works when performing covers for a panel of musical experts doesnt fly when confronted by the great white throne of the maker of our universe.
some bawk at the idea of love representing passing sentence on people until we ponder those who engage in behaviour or communicate in a manner we would deem filthy as it promotes rape molestation or abuse of infants who most of us are fighting to preserve the innocence of .
a spate of high profile celebrities labeling themselves christians while making movies with sex before marriage disgusting language full frontal nudity or softcore pornography promoting outfits or music thats littered with profanity or lives that reek of addiction to drugs and promotion of a vile violent hedonistic lifestyle on wax or celluloid portrayals of humanity have led astray many thinking that someones announcement at an award ceremony of their allegiance to Christ or their charitable efforts indicate they are fellow limbs in the body of Christ instead of wolves in sheeps clothing and wandering stars we need to be wary of as their bad company possesses potential to corrupt our good morals.
what im not saying is that christians should stay away from people infatuated with sin .
what i am trying to tell you is that we as christians are supposed to have a higher standard than the world and uphold the character of God even if it means we must suffer torment penniless periods unpopularity jail time or death as a result of our lack of willingness to jettison our convictions in pursuit of a fast buck or avoidance of a grilling on social media for standing up for righteousness .
its hilarious and tragic that the same people who may shake their fists at us and try to stick us through the wringer in court for proselytizing are often those who would be the first to cheer at animal cruelty prevention organisations , those who push for education for all people regardless of wealth, regal position or ethnic background , abolition of slavery, rights for women to work , changes in attitudes towards children working in mines or long hours carrying loads too heavy for their small backs to handle or opposition to ethnic cleansing and the promotion of innovative breakthroughs in medical and scientific research that has saved billions of lives when its often christians who have been behind the foundations of positive progress in all these areas in our society.
christians have helped to preserve indigenous languages that would have otherwise been wiped off the map.
theyve been pivotal in getting transportation organized for those in urgent need of medical care and in providing learning institutions for those in hard to reach places in the bush and desert through long distance education on the radio and internet.
the only reason we ever get to see anything that looks like godliness being displayed by religious groups that arent christian is cos those groups have studied christianity for pointers .
traditionally it was considered bad karma or an invitation to bring a curse upon yourself in hindu thinking if you helped out someone who was suffering.
it is only when hindus began to lose massive amounts of converts that adherents to ganesh and krishna became famous for giving food and counselling to poor people in order to further the aims of their religion.
in the old way of thinking about islam it was thought to be erroneous to read the book they call sacred scriptures ( minus the profane satanic verses ) in what we recognize as being the authorized version of the quran ( which is contradicted by other accounts which have in some quarters been burned ) in any language other than arabic.
this mentality is being discarded as muslims see that they will win converts faster if the people they are attempting to reach can speak the language of the teaching material they are schooling them in through their madrassas .
the reason some of us prefer originals to covers is the reinvention by a plethora of folks having a go at putting their own flavor on a common tune can often result in a hot mess that barely resembles the work of aural art that made us fall in love with its skilled self in the first place.
in seeking to be the face of love to unchurched masses or dechurched individuals we can be guilty of creating a debauched syncretistic jambalaya of concepts that is in essence the exact opposite of everything that represents the nature of Christ .
one pathetic rebranding of christianity is that which takes on board the misguided notion that praying for your children or relatives is sufficient protection for their souls from the evil one that they can be considered christians by proxy when they die so you dont have to worry about them burning in hell.
as comforting as this notion may be to those with departed loved ones it is a false comfort that isnt worth entertaining .
it is dangerous as it causes those in the world to think they need not bother leading holy lives as there is no limit on Gods leniency .
any cursory reading of the bible or the evidence of history will tell you this is not true as empires are permitted to be reduced to rubble and we are afflicted with sickness in some instances as a result of our running away from God instead of towards His arms.
if we take heed of Gods instruction to us that the power of life and death lie in the tongue perhaps we will be more conscious of the gravity of our words how they can cause suicidal tendencies or eliminate them , wreck marriages or help them prosper , boost fitness or deplete it incriminate or get someone off an unfairly baited hook of prosecution , be part of Gods reanimation of departed souls reentering human bodies , chase away fear which cripples resolve to connect with people , encourage gang membership or guide one who seeks the breaking of links with illegal affiliation to get out of their association with no-good-nicks without needing to be jumped out in blood soaked humiliation.
we can build bridges or destroy them.
we can help create a better tomorrow or add to somebodys load of sorrow.
we do the world no favours by lying to it about what represents the truth.
some will tell you christians shouldnt involve themselves in political discourse or come against the government when they are threatening our religious freedom but i will give you the facts – real christians have always opposed evil and abuse of power.
it is only christian leadership that prevented our fellow believers from being lion fodder or gladiator swish kebabs .
it took a God fearing father and son to turn thumbs pulled down in determination of approval of death to being turned permanently upwards and opposing cruel slaughter in a pitiless crowded ring.
colonial administrations with selfless hearts have often prevented the spread of the gospel not realizing that not only is christianity better for the soul it also improves the economy.
when people put others above themselves God has a way of blessing them.
when we trust God to guide our finances and resources He will never fail to cause us to prosper .
this doesnt always look like diving in a pool of riches like scrooge mc duck but it always looks like having the confidence of knowing that God is fighting our battles for us and He will ultimately bring both us and our world to a place of perfection where no sickness disease war or poverty is allowed to take up residence among us and ruin a beautiful glorious life.
it is christian principles that is motivating farmers in africa right now to consider trees once abandoned as worthless and look to new practices to help improve the life situation of those around them.
as christians we need to help those in africa who face the greatest poverty in our world today.
we need to make sure butchers are paid a fair price for their wages in africa and not just the western companies and companies based elsewhere which make a huge profit off the blood sweat and tears of african workers.
as christians we need to work together to build a world that is free from the blight of slavery.
it is not good enough to just look back on the past and pat ourselves on the vertebrae for a job well done.
we need to be used by God to be a solution to the problems around us.
we need to astound those who falsely see us as their enemies by the power of His love oozing out of us.
we must be relentless in pursuit of truth and the creation of a more honest world where noone is held captive by sin due to our unintended ignorance or our criminal silence.
selah ❤
i may opt for a more difficult path than some cos of the potholes i create for myself by my choosing to surrender to the flames of illicit desire or i may tread it cos im suffering for the sake of righteousness.
bonds and nike wont be getting any of my money until i know their products are slave free.
labeling myself helps me understand myself but it doesnt prevent me from suffering because of the way i am.
i used to think i couldnt change but now i know it is possible.
my biggest problem is trying to convince myself that i am capable of being something other than the monster i sometimes feel i have become.
sometimes the greatest challenge is simply refraining from focusing on my issues cos any kind of contemplation of them causes me to become a victim of them.
some see comparison as toxic but this is only true if in examining the lives of those around us we think ourselves inferior or superior to others.
we are only ever better off in the sense we have confidence of where we’re going when we die or in consideration of the abilities we possess that others dont or the freedoms our countrys leaders give us which not all people in the world share or the places we have had the privilege or opportunity to travel which isnt within everyones grasp due to family commitments or the expectations of their chosen industry.
its weird when habits you used to love which define your career or who you are become increasingly despised to the point where you feel at a loss for what to do with your life as you dont know any way to relate to the world except through the lens of your self picked profession .
there are jobs which do not cause souls to be plagued by self doubt or at least i perceive this to be the case.
its possible a brick layer may lack confidence over how his or her work materials are being laid atop one another to form a wall but its highly unlikely they will waste time going to seminars on how to best cause bricks to ascend or descend or the most appropriate particles for usage in a brick or why some bricks are systemically oppressed as a result of the paddocks their straw is sourced from but if you pursue a profession that demands the usage of creativity you will likely be expected to be the voice of a particular generation or group of people , you will be alienated ostracized mocked and blocked from participation in conversations with the world through your work , you will be aligned with those who believe in spiritual matters the same way as you , regardless of whether you possess the same political persuasions youre bearing the weight of belonging to a people group that has been associated with the spawn of satan or burdened by the world with the task of serving the vision of a colonizing task master or your take on the rich isnt one thats more popular than take out in the eyes of a global media crew that continues to push for alterations to our world they dont concern themselves to ponder cos they are mainly bothered by the irritations of the here and now instead of being as we ought which is achieved by bringing our savior into the engine room of our thinking and trusting our celestial groom to drive us away from tragedy towards triumph until this job becomes superseded by His long awaited assumption of the throne of the universe .
i expect to succumb to the alluring energy crumbs proffered my lethargic soul by sleep in a relaxed position where im stretched out on a beanbag squishing my chest and elbows into pillows but i am one of those people who can fall asleep anywhere.
usually my debacle isnt found in being kept alert all night long but in the fact it doesnt seem to be possible for me to resist the pull of the tide of slumber for as long as id wish to on any given day regardless of my expenditure of fuel gained through a decent diet and a sufficient amount of time spent beneath the seats intentionally postured to snooze.
there have been times when sexual desire has robbed me of sleep.
this is less of a conundrum for me if i am careful not to load up my mind with images that cause the devil to gain power over me and urge me to abuse my body by whacking it and rubbing it in ways that produce a secretion that leads to the deletion or temporal scarcity or hiding of the state of joy i was previously inhabiting .
even if the world is panicking around me i can always find motive for euphoria if my heart is harbored in my passion for Christ .
its not just the threat of rigor mortis He causes to pass over our house in the form of deaths angel if we are slaves to righteousness and His beloved children its everything associated with the contaminating influence of our nemesis which fogs our focus on the future our progenitor would wish for us all to possess such as the valuing of materialism over the schism slaughtering intoxicating pleasure of living for our master, the trap of zeroing in on the political madness or sexual shackling going on around us instead of our common human need for a relationship with God , a drivenness that pushes us prematurely beneath the soil of being so bent on winning in our industry we neglect to gain refreshment from the reason any of us tread this planet , our jealousy of skinny or muscly models actors singers or rappers causing us to want to refrain from eating , to punish ourselves in the gym , to make ourselves sick or to harbour suicidal tendencies or to be compelled to forego our beliefs in order to snatch a quick buck through the fickle route of compromise .
those that stand the test of time are they that stay true to its author.
i may die not knowing if a group working to promote the interests of people who are afflicted the same way as me is why a little lady who is bullied for her mental health followed me .
i learned the hard way to keep my views on belly buttons away from people who have no interest in being part of my life.
i have a friend who wants to start a charity to help sufferers with post traumatic stress disorder.
she was captured by the taliban in afghanistan serving as a soldier there for the u s military.
she survived to tell the tale but saw her best bud who saved her life have her remaining days go up in flames when she wasnt so blessed to walk off the battle with her existence intact.
it takes wisdom to know when to pursue a friendship and when to leave well enough alone.
these days im just as much attracted to hearing how people have overcome depression and mental health issues as i am reading and hearing books and watching movies and seeing art related to christianity .
together with our saviour we can cure the world of its insanity .
sometimes the smartest people in the world are those perceived as the most crazy .
i am also drawn more these days to people who are fighting for freedom for people who are unmasked and unvaccinated or those who self identify with conservatism .
although i do want someone in charge of my country who is pro choice concerning vaccines it concerns me more if i see someone who wants to fight for that freedom for me being willingly to pour cash down the toilet or take an ambiguous or immoral stance on associating names related to gender with people who wish to identify as the opposite sex particularly in an environment where those who oppose their dumb naming game are being thrown in jail and where bank accounts and marriage continuity is under threat cos of political beliefs.
let them hunt their witches i know who will forever remain chief of my spirit.
its not the man in the mirror its the one who formed sand with His breath so the fire He also pulled out of it might be used to melt it into the material providing my reflection & this one
selah ❤
how humans see us matters less than celestial eyes perception
the bias we possess can often be our deceptions source
let me be blind to faults in others not myself
tis poverty i gain not wealth shall i fail to grow
deeper in love with the breather of ransomed worlds ❤
when i was a young boy i would hit my sister and bite her.
i made her think she was locked out the house but she couldve gotten inside if she’d just used the one door i left capable of opening without the use of a key.
i made up my own language which i called suddish which involving intentionally slurring vowels.
i was inspired by an egg language my uncle taught me where the word egg is inserted between every vowel .
i used to make up my own fake version of espanol and attempt to sing la bamba at lunchtimes.
it took me years to learn it was a song about a captain .
i originally thought it contained the phrase squashed banana.
i swallowed a live ant for a dare as a kid.
i used to jump in mud to grab coins my schoolmates threw in it.
we used to have ruler fights and pretend to be ninjas.
once i followed the foolish crowd and stuck tadpoles down the backs of girls dresses at the part of their dress where the neckline is located.
my first public display of eccentricity was when i took several pairs of boxer shorts to school cos i wanted to show my friends my super mario boxers.
this wouldve been alright if i didnt essentially display them by doing a strip show.
i never intended to go all the way and display my privates for the world to see.
another time i attempted to take off my underpants copying a television character named mister bean who takes off his underpants without taking off his trousers.
when other people cut out pictures of ladies for collage in class i cut out babies.
on a trip from my state capital to our nations capital down south i made unusual sounds when i was sitting on the latrine.
i used to climb the stairs at our school with my feet and thighs folded in the lotus position.
i maneuvered my way up the stairs by grabbing onto rails which aligned them.
i had very sore knees by the time i was done.
in fifth grade i ran my fingers through a girls hair at school when we were watching a movie as a classroom activity.
i was obsessed with her and used to give her presents all the time.
her parents got involved and made her leave the school and forbade me to have anything to do with her.
i used to get nightmares about hell which disturbed my spirit.
its only when my dad prayed for me to receive salvation and baptized me in the swimming pool of a house we used to own that i felt calmness restored to my soul.
my neighbor convinced me it was a good idea to crucify a toad.
at the time i thought it was disturbing yet i still participated in his disgusting activity.
i definitely shouldnt have let him paint a pentagram on our concrete slab.
he used to read thor and ghost rider comics.
he was raised in a catholic home.
i dont know where his satanic influence came from.
i was diagnosed with autism in tenth grade.
the form of autism i had was then identified with behavior named after joseph aspergers.
it is a highly functioning form of autism.
it manifests differently in boys and girls.
it is often misdiagnosed as something else in women.
part of having autism means my long term memory is better than my short term memory.
this has caused lots of internal tears and externalized frustration for my friends family and i when i would be told information and shortly after forget what i was told.
like my exgirlfriend i used to liken myself to a goldfish until i learned that goldfish have exceptionally gifted memories.
my mental health has made it hard for me to demonstrate an ability to do simple tasks independently.
i need to have someone close by to show me how to do each step in a process.
i find it difficult to cook by myself or to execute complex tasks devoid of assistance.
sometimes ive felt like killing myself cos of the struggles autism has caused my relationships .
ive felt like its held me back from relationships .
its caused me to refrain from pursuing them , to self sabotage them by rushing in too quickly .
its caused me to switch from friendly to romantic way more fast than most women are comfortable with.
most of us autistic people tend to obsess over our favorite topics.
we will go on and on about them ad nauseum.
we will relate everything in life back to our passions perhaps assuming everyone shares them in the same addictive all consuming way we do even if they dont.
my autism may be the reason why i assumed my friend could handle swimming in the pool when he had only just started doing it.
i wasnt thinking through the lesson i had already been taught by observing dads friend who we identified as our uncle that some people grow up their whole lives petrified of water or water moving about freely at the mercy of the wind in the ocean and never get the hang of handling it.
my autism is probably why in primary school i invited lots of people to a pool party then dashed upstairs and spent the whole duration of the party playing with my presents instead of hanging out with the people who came to see me and presumably saw some value in my company ( or just wanted to use my pool ) .
ive always gotten along with people who were older or younger than me rarely those my own age.
my autism might be why i was stubborn and brought a book along to the bowling alley when i shouldve left it at school inspiring the teacher minding us to declare dont you ever defy me .
he was a poet and i admired his work though i despise the fact he punished my bff with a bad mark for writing more words on her essay than he had told her to.
its always bonkers to me when genius is punished instead of rewarded.
it was never explained to me why some people assume ( or one lady in specific did ) that autistic men are best matched with asian ladies.
i dated an asian lady and we got along like a house on fire.
the only things i did that annoyed her was talking all the way through the movies we went to in order to trigger our snuggling , how id introduce people to her as my girlfriend wherever we went , my tendency to lapse into silence cos i was fearful that any criticism of her would lead to the death of our relationship , the awkward way i related to her family barely managing to squeeze out any words to them , my unwillingness to try to learn to drive cos i was more interested in smooching her , the moment i spilled juice in her bag by leaving a loosely screwed bottle in it next to her phone which forced her to spend an hour plugging in all her contacts the fact id spend the whole time talking about how amazing she was when we would hang out in groups instead of talking about my own life the way i would look at her in church when the worship was on as if i was worshiping her instead of God ( in her way of seeing it ) my refusal to attend a catholic mass , the way i would constantly get her to talk about her childhood , my mustache ( which is why i shave now cos she wouldnt kiss me unless i removed all trace of it from my face whenever it made a reappearance ) .
my mental health has been affected by concussion ive experienced on irregular occasions over the past twenty years.
consequently i sometimes use one word when i mean another word , i swap words around in my head so i read them the wrong way around i sometimes slur my speech i might be less perceptive of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors than i used to be
i sometimes have an ache in my head like a metal blade is being pushed around inside it.
i used to habitually wear a red yellow and green beanie styled after the ethiopian flag in the heat of the noon day sun.
ive gone to work in jumpers and long trousers in the middle of the summer foolishly dripping with sweat and refusing to stop and take water when i knew my head was starting to swim and dizziness was overwhelming me.
i had my head banged against my homeys head when we refused to stop talking about Jesus to a guy who got mad at us and said he was satan.
this experience didnt stop my friend from getting married.
my mental health issue convinced me to follow a guy around our mission base until he told me it was giving him the creeps.
often i have experienced problems when gifts i have given ladies are perceived as being behaviour that should be forbidden instead of encouraged.
i have reacted to rejection in the past by burying my sadness inside myself .
often when trying to get someone to give to charity and having doors slammed in my face and people call the cops on me i have taken out my anger on the ones i love who brought me into this world instead of just screaming out my pain to God and letting Him take me to a pure honest better place .
i dont think being spanked at an early age has contributed to my anger issues.
i knew i was a liar and being punished for my deceit has motivated me to have a heart of integrity .
i have never felt resentment at my folks for that only gratitude for helping me become a better person.
sometime in the last fifteen years my body started spontaneously jerking about.
i first noticed my legs moving without my being aware of them.
i may have had a psychotic episode at church over which i possessed some subconscious level of control or i could have been flipped in the air forced to my knees and stretched out flat as a pancake by an unholy or the Holiest of Spirits .
im not sure which it was.
i have been told off for an experience i had where i was brought to my knees and laid flat on my back in church by a force beyond myself.
i have felt myself begin jumping in church when i had no desire within me to jump.
its hard to know how much the spirit realm is involved in our emotional triggers and our response or the degree of control we have over our reaction to any given stimuli.
i was only told by the doctor i have something similar to tourettes ( i still havent been diagnosed with it ) six years ago
i have felt torrettes operating in me causing me to rip pages in books i cherish , spit in them , toss them in the air and jerk about til my beanie is shaken off my head.
one consequence of having mental health issues has been the internal vow i have only just recently broken off myself of not initiating conversation with anyone at church ( which is usually where my social engagement takes place ) .
i have never been good at disagreeing with people.
when someone says something i dont like it makes me want to scream or harangue them until i feel i have succeeding in destroying their argument.
it takes a strength beyond myself coming from God to help me to be meek and not to lash out when the world irks me.
i hate being told what to do .
i hate being told how to think.
i hate being given lots of jobs at a time cos my brain struggles to remember more than one task at a time.
i used to hate being told to make certain brush strokes in art but i am slowly learning the value of it thanks to the gentle gracious approach of my art therapist .
i thank God that she and my occupational therapist ( who helps me cook once a fortnight ) rarely have the displeasure of hearing me scream.
i find it hard to avoid screaming when im told to prepare a meal before the official time of my meal preparation has begun.
it helped that last time my occupational therapist made a point of expressing her gratitude that her contribution to the task we were participating in was reduced by my prior slicing and peeling preceding her arrival.
music has been a lifesaver to me in helping me deal with the pain of being me .
i used to turn to pornography to deal with my anger but i thank God that is no longer the case.
He has given me a mentor named gregory madison who has assisted my growth simply by listening to my struggles.
it helps me be accountable to God and live a holy life knowing i have volunteered to compel myself to fill human ears with my disgusting thoughts and deeds.
my desire to avoid telling anyone of the muck i involve myself in helps motivate me to choose a cleaner path .
my hatred for witnessing women being abused and exploited in our world motivates me to avoid pornography cos most women in that industry are victims of abuse .
my ex psychologist helped me to be a less selfish human by encouraging me to help my mom out in the kitchen.
she wasnt happy that i have never been self motivated enough to make my breakfast and have a shower without being prompted nevertheless i praise God that i am now a boy who makes muesli for his family instead of being one who just takes like a locust and never gives.
chipping in with meal prep and making whole meals myself with instructions from my mom and support worker has brought happiness to our home by relieving mom of the burden weighing heavy on her shoulders of always being obligated by my slackness stubbornness and refusal to help to be ( for the most part ) the sole cook in our house as well as the sole carpet or tile vacuum operator .
the covid nineteen pandemic has severely tested my mental health.
there was a time when hearing the word mask mandate , lockdown or covid or corona would send me into palpitations and cause hatred and fear to erupt out my mouth in the form of bloodcurdling screams which annoy upset shock and terrify my family.
it was never my ambition in life to be a terrorist only to imitate Christ and fill the world with love.
i only want to terrify the devil and make him cease his operations and harassment of our world forever.
soon will come the day of his demise and Christs return.
those days couldnt come fast enough as far as im concerned.
i went to one psychologist who told me to observe the smells sights and sounds around me and or the taste in my mouth when i was feeling like i was about to erupt in anger fear or sadness.
this worked once for me but never twice.
my last psychologist got me to focus on how much what bothers me will matter to me in the future.
i struggle to switch up my thoughts and cause my brain to travel along a track that doesnt lead to my distress or further its onslaught on the harmony of my family and myself .
it helps to have a group like seek life and the seekers to know i am not alone in my travails .
often the devil lies to me that i am the only one facing what im dealing with .
he tells me noone will understand me and i will never be able to change but i know others comprehend what im communicating even though they sometimes struggle to work out what i mean and i know God is going to heal my mind in His perfect timing either in this world or the next.
i get paid to include hyperlinks in the raps i share with the world every morning through tiktok instagram and facebook.
in the past i used to use snapchat until the computer i had it set up on stopped working.
my neighbors frequently yell about my mental retardation almost immediately after i perform my raps in my back garden or front yard or in the middle of my performance.
sometimes they are yelling loudly when we are eating our breakfast.
i have struggled to see them through the eyes of Christ and focus on how they love their families and are wrestling with their xenophobic fear of the unknown and their prejudiced hatred for different expressions of self and sonic style they are used to appreciating based on how they have grown up and the pressures placed on them by family working and educational environments.
seeing my friends husband throw a wooden box used to carry musical equipment on the ground triggered fear in me after i had previously seen him get aggressive with her over her spanking of their little boy and an incident where her life was threatened during which the police were called she refused to press charges and as a result was smashed and briefly hospitalized by wounds delivered her body by his undeserved fury which she tried to partially justify saying she hit him also.
watching this happen made me want to avoid them both as i felt like i could be of no use trying to calm the storm erupting around me and would more likely be struck by its lightning than prevent its eye from lulling me into becoming its child.
being locked in a room in the next state below my own as punishment for talking to a lady caused anger to simmer within me and my responses to be less enthusiastic and generally more morose than jubilant .
God is helping me to be gradually restored back into the joy filled boy who was famous far more for his smiles than drowning in tear filled frowns .
selah ❤
crawling through a dark forest seeking guidance from light penetrating
between the branches high above me
weeds wrap my feet
i will find you there amongst the dancing shadows dear
your blazing heart is my escape pod from their menacing
theyll pretend its medicine til ive drunk down my doom ❤
river of tears run from my eyes over cold hearts
fountain of fire burst out them make them warm again
its only your hot blue tongue that ignites these embers
in seeking you each city becomes a peach and emerald
when life appears to have the juice sucked out it
we turn to you to gain our ceaseless zest supply ❤
for those whose fulfillment of dreams is restricted by drugs
i pray they might become addicted to our saviors love
for all trapped in gang life not envisioning an exit
i seek slaying in the spirit of evils realigned assignments
confinement can harbor growth though reputations tossed out window panes
i wasnt fair pretending id contribute my perspective then flaking
i didnt want to feed that toxic troll – our mutual vexation
recognize the risk it poses to physical & mental health
you dont add a second to your day
or gain a mine of gold by nursing miserys paws ❤
dream into reality the ideal of responsible fiscally sound leadership
it shouldnt be a difficult battle ascending a greasy mountain
to simply proclaim the truth without needing to justify it
we dont need to qualify ourselves when we represent higher authority
are we showing we care or caring for show more ❤
minusthecynic 
Recent Comments